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| Version 2 | Version 3 |
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| Battle of the autumn statement quips: Osborne v McDonnell | Battle of the autumn statement quips: Osborne v McDonnell |
| (about 3 hours later) | |
| George Osborne’s spending review was never going to bring the house down when it came to one-liners, but there were a handful of jibes that prompted raucous cheering in the House of Commons. | George Osborne’s spending review was never going to bring the house down when it came to one-liners, but there were a handful of jibes that prompted raucous cheering in the House of Commons. |
| Here are the best quips and jokes: | Here are the best quips and jokes: |
| His campaign has contributed to the arts, while his frontbench contributes to comedy. | His campaign has contributed to the arts, while his frontbench contributes to comedy. |
| Osborne announced his backing for Hull to be the UK city of culture in 2017, saying it followed a request by Alan Johnson, Labour MP for West Hull and Hessle. | Osborne announced his backing for Hull to be the UK city of culture in 2017, saying it followed a request by Alan Johnson, Labour MP for West Hull and Hessle. |
| But the chancellor just had to accompany the support with a dig at Johnson’s party. | But the chancellor just had to accompany the support with a dig at Johnson’s party. |
| We are the builders. | We are the builders. |
| So the chancellor claimed, resurrecting his conference speech motto when speaking about investment in national projects and booting up the “northern powerhouse” with the construction of HS2, and the electrification of lines. | So the chancellor claimed, resurrecting his conference speech motto when speaking about investment in national projects and booting up the “northern powerhouse” with the construction of HS2, and the electrification of lines. |
| Commentators said they spotted David Cameron mouthing “Bob” with mirth, referring to the popular children’s TV character: | Commentators said they spotted David Cameron mouthing “Bob” with mirth, referring to the popular children’s TV character: |
| Did Cameron just look at Osborne and say "Bob" as the chancellor declared "we are the builders?" Government banter #spendingreview | Did Cameron just look at Osborne and say "Bob" as the chancellor declared "we are the builders?" Government banter #spendingreview |
| A permanent pothole fund | A permanent pothole fund |
| Osborne further bolstered his commitment to future opportunities for politicians to be photographed in hi-vis jackets pointing at things. David Cameron, sitting beside him, seemed delighted at this quaint British solution. | Osborne further bolstered his commitment to future opportunities for politicians to be photographed in hi-vis jackets pointing at things. David Cameron, sitting beside him, seemed delighted at this quaint British solution. |
| David Cameron's absolutely delighted with Osborne's announcement of a "permanent pothole fund". pic.twitter.com/7jJpJztcVI | David Cameron's absolutely delighted with Osborne's announcement of a "permanent pothole fund". pic.twitter.com/7jJpJztcVI |
| Our commitment to farming and the countryside is reflected in the protection of funding of our national parks and for our forests – we’re not going to be making that mistake again. | Our commitment to farming and the countryside is reflected in the protection of funding of our national parks and for our forests – we’re not going to be making that mistake again. |
| This admission by Osborne was in reference to the coalition government’s embarrassing U-turn back in 2011, when it was forced to abandon plans to sell off 258,000 hectares of state-owned woodland. | This admission by Osborne was in reference to the coalition government’s embarrassing U-turn back in 2011, when it was forced to abandon plans to sell off 258,000 hectares of state-owned woodland. |
| At the time it was reported, it had been a victory for an unlikely coalition of disparate groups. The grassroots campaigning website 38 Degrees started a petition that had 539,117 signatures. One poll suggested 84% of the country opposed the sale. Critics didn’t hold back from pointing out the Tory logo was a tree. | At the time it was reported, it had been a victory for an unlikely coalition of disparate groups. The grassroots campaigning website 38 Degrees started a petition that had 539,117 signatures. One poll suggested 84% of the country opposed the sale. Critics didn’t hold back from pointing out the Tory logo was a tree. |
| The shadow chancellor, John McDonnell, also had a few rabbits in his hat: | The shadow chancellor, John McDonnell, also had a few rabbits in his hat: |
| We must not pretend to know when we do not know. | We must not pretend to know when we do not know. |
| McDonnell said Osborne was outdoing him on nationalisation – as long as it was nationalisation of UK assets by other countries, such as China. But the shadow chancellor then offered Osborne a quote from Chairman Mao, brandishing a copy of the Little Red Book. | McDonnell said Osborne was outdoing him on nationalisation – as long as it was nationalisation of UK assets by other countries, such as China. But the shadow chancellor then offered Osborne a quote from Chairman Mao, brandishing a copy of the Little Red Book. |
| John McDonnell quotes Chairman Mao's Little Red Book to @George_Osborne #bbcdp #SpendingReview https://t.co/xdu5CCDvLM | John McDonnell quotes Chairman Mao's Little Red Book to @George_Osborne #bbcdp #SpendingReview https://t.co/xdu5CCDvLM |
| If there’s anything more embarrassing for “moderate” Labour First types – even more than knowing the full lyrics of The Red Flag – it must be when their party’s leading man, responding to the spending review, can quote Mao Zedong word for word. | If there’s anything more embarrassing for “moderate” Labour First types – even more than knowing the full lyrics of The Red Flag – it must be when their party’s leading man, responding to the spending review, can quote Mao Zedong word for word. |
| If you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao... | If you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao... |
| Comrade Osborne | Comrade Osborne |
| McDonnell, addressing his Conservative opponent in this way, was plainly trolling. And he relished it. | McDonnell, addressing his Conservative opponent in this way, was plainly trolling. And he relished it. |
| I’m glad he’s listened to Labour and seen sense. | I’m glad he’s listened to Labour and seen sense. |
| McDonnell had claimed that 500,000 more children lived in “absolute poverty” compared with 2009-10. He said the policy on tax credits was a “fiasco”, arguing that “there was no attempt by the chancellor to understand the effects of the decision to cut tax credits”. Which is when the veteran Labour politician made this jab, congratulating MPs and peers who campaigned against the change. | McDonnell had claimed that 500,000 more children lived in “absolute poverty” compared with 2009-10. He said the policy on tax credits was a “fiasco”, arguing that “there was no attempt by the chancellor to understand the effects of the decision to cut tax credits”. Which is when the veteran Labour politician made this jab, congratulating MPs and peers who campaigned against the change. |
| The iron law of chancellors’ statements is: the louder the cheers on the day, the greater the disappointment by the weekend. | The iron law of chancellors’ statements is: the louder the cheers on the day, the greater the disappointment by the weekend. |
| McDonnell said in the opening of his response to Osborne’s spending review. | McDonnell said in the opening of his response to Osborne’s spending review. |
| Just for good measure, here is a great putdown from the Commons Speaker, John Bercow: | Just for good measure, here is a great putdown from the Commons Speaker, John Bercow: |
| Take up yoga, you’ll find it beneficial man! | Take up yoga, you’ll find it beneficial man! |
| He bellowed the line while telling off Labour MP Clive Lewis for heckling Osborne. |