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Late Night Thinks Andrew Yang Might Have Won New Hampshire Late Night Thinks Andrew Yang Might Have Won New Hampshire
(7 months later)
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. If you’re interested in hearing from The Times regularly about great TV, sign up for our Watching newsletter and get recommendations straight to your inbox.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. If you’re interested in hearing from The Times regularly about great TV, sign up for our Watching newsletter and get recommendations straight to your inbox.
Bernie Sanders won the New Hampshire primary on Tuesday, followed by Pete Buttigieg and a surprise third-place finisher, Amy Klobuchar. Joe Biden placed fifth, leaving the state before polls even closed, while Andrew Yang, Michael Bennet and Deval Patrick all dropped out of the race.Bernie Sanders won the New Hampshire primary on Tuesday, followed by Pete Buttigieg and a surprise third-place finisher, Amy Klobuchar. Joe Biden placed fifth, leaving the state before polls even closed, while Andrew Yang, Michael Bennet and Deval Patrick all dropped out of the race.
“The New Hampshire primary was last night and according to cable news, here’s what happened: Bernie Sanders won, but not by a lot, so it’s really like third, and Pete Buttigieg was second, but who saw that coming? So it’s more like first. And Amy Klobuchar was third, which is really surprising so it’s also like first, and Joe Biden came in fifth, but was expected to do better, so it’s more like eighth. So I guess the real winner is Andrew Yang, because he dropped out and doesn’t have to deal with this anymore. So, congratulations, Andrew Yang, on winning New Hampshire.” — SETH MEYERS
“Bernie Sanders finished first, Pete Buttigieg finished second and Joe Biden is finished.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Joe Biden left New Hampshire before the polls were even closed? I mean, I’ve heard of fans leaving the game early, but you know it’s bad when the team leaves early to beat the traffic.” — TREVOR NOAH
“Biden’s lackluster performances have been a huge surprise, and now, even Biden’s own people are having a little trouble hiding their anxiety. One unnamed adviser told reporters, ‘I know we’re supposed to say we’re going to win, but I just don’t know. This is horrendous. We’re all scared.’ It’s not great when your campaign sounds like a Civil War letter home: ‘My dearest Jill, we fled New Hampshire after a miserable defeat and have retreated to make our last stand in South Carolina. I thought we could win, but I guess I’m just a lying, dog-faced pony soldier.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Meanwhile, Andrew Yang officially dropped out of the race. Yang supported giving Americans $1,000 a month, reducing student loans and legalizing weed. Americans heard that and were like, ‘Wait, he did? We messed up — come back, hey! We like you!’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Which means Yang’s now out of a job. You know what he could use? A thousand dollars a month.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Senator Michael Bennet of Colorado announced that he is ending his campaign. He’s planning to go back to his previous job of looking like the assistant principal on a Disney Channel show.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“He had less than 1 percent and he’s dropping out. Michael Bennet saying he’s dropped out of the race is like me saying I’ve decided not to run the Kentucky Derby this year.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“This is interesting: Amy Klobuchar's rise in the polls is being called ‘klomentum.’ That’s right. Yeah, and Joe Biden’s campaign is called ‘pretty much klover.’” — CONAN O’BRIEN
“You know, a month ago, if somebody had told me Amy Klobuchar was going to do better in New Hampshire than Joe Biden, that person would have been Amy Klobuchar — it wouldn’t have been anybody else.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Look, I’m excited to vote for whoever ends up being the nominee, even if they are the future subject of a biopic called ‘The Devil Wears Kohl’s.’” — SAMANTHA BEE
“And the timing couldn’t be better for Klobuchar, because in many ways, you see, the presidential campaigns are like getting drunk at a party, all right? You want to peak at the right time. See, the other candidates, they had their surge last year, which is too early. That’s like getting wasted at 6 p.m. Yeah, because by the time the party is really going, you are puking in the bushes, like, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry I didn’t pace myself. I promise I’ll do better in South Carolina!’” — TREVOR NOAH
In honor of Valentine’s Day, “Jimmy Kimmel Live” asked men about their partners’ birthdays, eye color, parents’ names and other basic information they should have had no trouble coming up with.In honor of Valentine’s Day, “Jimmy Kimmel Live” asked men about their partners’ birthdays, eye color, parents’ names and other basic information they should have had no trouble coming up with.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Will Ferrell will talk about their new comedy “Downhill” on “Late Night With Seth Meyers.”Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Will Ferrell will talk about their new comedy “Downhill” on “Late Night With Seth Meyers.”
Almost 40 years after winning the Pulitzer Prize for drama, Charles Fuller’s “A Soldier’s Play” is finally on Broadway.Almost 40 years after winning the Pulitzer Prize for drama, Charles Fuller’s “A Soldier’s Play” is finally on Broadway.