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| Glasgow City footballer Clare Shine on her addiction 'nightmare' | |
| (about 1 hour later) | |
| Glasgow City's Clare Shine is back playing in the Champions League two years after trying to end her own life | Glasgow City's Clare Shine is back playing in the Champions League two years after trying to end her own life |
| Footballer Clare Shine has enjoyed a dream start to the season but, having survived an addiction "nightmare" and two attempts on her own life, the Glasgow City forward is just thankful to be alive. | |
| It was only two years ago that First Minister Nicola Sturgeon helped publicise a missing person's appeal when Shine slipped out of an Edinburgh house party in her pyjamas, determined to end her life. | It was only two years ago that First Minister Nicola Sturgeon helped publicise a missing person's appeal when Shine slipped out of an Edinburgh house party in her pyjamas, determined to end her life. |
| She was found 10 hours later and spent the next 30 days in a mental health unit, sparking a remarkable turnaround. | She was found 10 hours later and spent the next 30 days in a mental health unit, sparking a remarkable turnaround. |
| The 27-year-old has spoken openly about suffering panic attacks, being drunk in the stands as she cheered on international teammates, and getting caught with drugs at a music festival. | The 27-year-old has spoken openly about suffering panic attacks, being drunk in the stands as she cheered on international teammates, and getting caught with drugs at a music festival. |
| But she is now gearing up for another Champions League campaign and is telling her story in the hope of helping others. | But she is now gearing up for another Champions League campaign and is telling her story in the hope of helping others. |
| "I've got nothing to hide anymore. I'm free as a bird," says Shine, a goal-scoring hero for Glasgow City in two Scottish finals and key European games. | "I've got nothing to hide anymore. I'm free as a bird," says Shine, a goal-scoring hero for Glasgow City in two Scottish finals and key European games. |
| 🏆TADHAL DO GLASCHU!!! A BHEIL SHINE AIR A CHUPA A CHOISINN??GOAAAALLL FOR GLASGOW CITY!! IS THAT THE WINNER FROM SHINE?? @GlasgowCityFC 4⃣@HibsLadies 3⃣#SSESWCup #BBCALBA pic.twitter.com/2Q8lgFCvlx | 🏆TADHAL DO GLASCHU!!! A BHEIL SHINE AIR A CHUPA A CHOISINN??GOAAAALLL FOR GLASGOW CITY!! IS THAT THE WINNER FROM SHINE?? @GlasgowCityFC 4⃣@HibsLadies 3⃣#SSESWCup #BBCALBA pic.twitter.com/2Q8lgFCvlx |
| "I have been through turmoil," says the Irish forward, who has released an unflinching autobiography, Scoring Goals in the Dark, with writer Gareth Maher. | "I have been through turmoil," says the Irish forward, who has released an unflinching autobiography, Scoring Goals in the Dark, with writer Gareth Maher. |
| "I have been through it twice, three times, if not four. And I have still managed to find myself a way back. | "I have been through it twice, three times, if not four. And I have still managed to find myself a way back. |
| "Some people don't have that opportunity. There's a lot of people who didn't make it. | "Some people don't have that opportunity. There's a lot of people who didn't make it. |
| "I'm really grateful that I still have an opportunity to put things right and I just want to use my voice to be that inspiration for others." | "I'm really grateful that I still have an opportunity to put things right and I just want to use my voice to be that inspiration for others." |
| 'Rising star' | 'Rising star' |
| Shine's problems can be traced back to childhood, when she was labelled a "rising star" after being identified as an outstanding sporting all-rounder. She struggled with the weight of expectation, as well as angst about her sexuality and body image. | Shine's problems can be traced back to childhood, when she was labelled a "rising star" after being identified as an outstanding sporting all-rounder. She struggled with the weight of expectation, as well as angst about her sexuality and body image. |
| The Cork prodigy attempted to "drown it all out with drink" as she got older, telling the BBC: "And then down the line it was drugs until I became really comfortable with who I am." | |
| Nevertheless, by 2015 she had signed for Glasgow City and made her senior international debut. | Nevertheless, by 2015 she had signed for Glasgow City and made her senior international debut. |
| Clare Shine made her debut for Ireland's senior team in 2015 | Clare Shine made her debut for Ireland's senior team in 2015 |
| Even then training was interrupted by anxiety attacks. City's new signing was also secretly travelling home for drug and alcohol addiction treatment. | Even then training was interrupted by anxiety attacks. City's new signing was also secretly travelling home for drug and alcohol addiction treatment. |
| Shine wants to alter the perception that professional athletes, particularly women, are immune from such issues. | Shine wants to alter the perception that professional athletes, particularly women, are immune from such issues. |
| "I want a safe space for people to be able to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel," she says. | "I want a safe space for people to be able to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel," she says. |
| The Irish international scored 17 goals in her first season in Glasgow, including a hat-trick in City's 3-0 Scottish Women's Cup final win over Hibs, but her life was spiralling out of control. | The Irish international scored 17 goals in her first season in Glasgow, including a hat-trick in City's 3-0 Scottish Women's Cup final win over Hibs, but her life was spiralling out of control. |
| Clare Shine tried to use alcohol to mask her struggles with anxiety | Clare Shine tried to use alcohol to mask her struggles with anxiety |
| A chaotic Christmas period led to familiar doubts about her self-worth. Her flat was known as a "party flat" and healthy eating habits were abandoned. | A chaotic Christmas period led to familiar doubts about her self-worth. Her flat was known as a "party flat" and healthy eating habits were abandoned. |
| She spent much of her time day-drinking with elderly men in pubs. There was one rule: "You can only join the conversation if you have a drink in your hand." | She spent much of her time day-drinking with elderly men in pubs. There was one rule: "You can only join the conversation if you have a drink in your hand." |
| Challenging this dangerous drinking culture is one of Shine's key goals now. | Challenging this dangerous drinking culture is one of Shine's key goals now. |
| "Drink is involved in every social aspect of life – birthday parties, cup finals, league titles, funerals, christenings, everything," she says with concern. | "Drink is involved in every social aspect of life – birthday parties, cup finals, league titles, funerals, christenings, everything," she says with concern. |
| Listen: Clare Shine on Behind the Goals podcast | Listen: Clare Shine on Behind the Goals podcast |
| By 2017, any hopes of staying at City were made impossible by her "atrocious" behaviour – including an incident in Thailand involving "cocktails, beaches and skinny-dipping". | By 2017, any hopes of staying at City were made impossible by her "atrocious" behaviour – including an incident in Thailand involving "cocktails, beaches and skinny-dipping". |
| She "gave up" on Glasgow, not even bothering to collect her things before returning to Cork. | She "gave up" on Glasgow, not even bothering to collect her things before returning to Cork. |
| Another low point came in November of that year, when she twice watched her international teammates while drunk in the stands. | Another low point came in November of that year, when she twice watched her international teammates while drunk in the stands. |
| A powerful story of addiction, mental health and recovery.@ClareShine01 joins @Crichton_8 and @RachelCorsie14 for the latest episode of Behind The Goals. Listen to the full episode on @BBCSounds now ⤵️ | A powerful story of addiction, mental health and recovery.@ClareShine01 joins @Crichton_8 and @RachelCorsie14 for the latest episode of Behind The Goals. Listen to the full episode on @BBCSounds now ⤵️ |
| In early 2018, gripped by a developing addiction to cocaine and dependent on cannabis to get to sleep, Shine was crippled with stomach pains, bleeding and a "100-a-day" cough. | In early 2018, gripped by a developing addiction to cocaine and dependent on cannabis to get to sleep, Shine was crippled with stomach pains, bleeding and a "100-a-day" cough. |
| Her "darkest hour" came in October with a first suicide attempt. | Her "darkest hour" came in October with a first suicide attempt. |
| Shocked into sobriety, she sought help and later earned a move back to Glasgow City. | Shocked into sobriety, she sought help and later earned a move back to Glasgow City. |
| She enjoyed the best spell in her career to date, culminating in the winning goal of the 2019 Scottish Cup final and a recall to the national team. | She enjoyed the best spell in her career to date, culminating in the winning goal of the 2019 Scottish Cup final and a recall to the national team. |
| The Ireland international describes having regular nightmares during that time about drunken nights out. | The Ireland international describes having regular nightmares during that time about drunken nights out. |
| "I'd wake up sweating and have to check my phone frantically to make sure I actually didn't do that," she says. | "I'd wake up sweating and have to check my phone frantically to make sure I actually didn't do that," she says. |
| Before long, Shine says she was "living my nightmare". | Before long, Shine says she was "living my nightmare". |
| When lockdown hit in 2020 bad habits returned. | When lockdown hit in 2020 bad habits returned. |
| Clare Shine's secret struggle went public when she went missing in 2020 | Clare Shine's secret struggle went public when she went missing in 2020 |
| By June, she made the second attempt on her life. | By June, she made the second attempt on her life. |
| "It took until I relapsed to realise I was an addict," Shine explains. | "It took until I relapsed to realise I was an addict," Shine explains. |
| The City player had to relearn how to stand up as she recovered in the mental health unit of Glasgow's Stobhill Hospital. | The City player had to relearn how to stand up as she recovered in the mental health unit of Glasgow's Stobhill Hospital. |
| When she accepted the opportunity to return to football with City, her mind struggled to keep pace with the game. | When she accepted the opportunity to return to football with City, her mind struggled to keep pace with the game. |
| Yet Shine, who aims to work in life coaching and public speaking after her playing career, has found stability in her life, while acknowledging inevitable bumps along the road. | Yet Shine, who aims to work in life coaching and public speaking after her playing career, has found stability in her life, while acknowledging inevitable bumps along the road. |
| Looking fresh, feeling fit and with a European tie looming against Roma, Shine permits herself some rare self-praise. | Looking fresh, feeling fit and with a European tie looming against Roma, Shine permits herself some rare self-praise. |
| "I have small wins every day and a massive one is being sober," she says. | "I have small wins every day and a massive one is being sober," she says. |
| "My family never thought they'd never be able to come and see me play football again. And now they're coming over to watch me play in the Champions League." | "My family never thought they'd never be able to come and see me play football again. And now they're coming over to watch me play in the Champions League." |
| If you have been affected by any of the issues in this story, you can visit the BBC's Action Line. | If you have been affected by any of the issues in this story, you can visit the BBC's Action Line. |