Australia v England: Tri-Series final – as it happened

http://www.theguardian.com/sport/live/2015/feb/01/australia-v-england-tri-series-final-live

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10.43am GMT10:43

And that’s about us - the seriouser stuff starts in two weeks, and we’ll be there for that. In the meantime, thanks all for your company and comments - and why not join Jacob Steinberg for the final of the Australian Open tennis. Or you can http://www.theguardian.com/sport/2015/feb/01/england-blown-away-tri-series-final-mitchell-johnson-australia.

Updated at 11.21am GMT

10.39am GMT10:39

“He always been a bit dramatic, Jim,” says Bailey of Faulkner’s injury, before bemoaning the difficulty of so many players in form.

10.37am GMT10:37

Morgan says the usual.

10.37am GMT10:37

Glen Maxwell is man of the match, as you’d expect. His innings minded me a bit of Javed’s in the 1992 World Cup final in its early stages - the latter stages were another matter entirely.

Updated at 10.38am GMT

10.34am GMT10:34

So, Australia win the tri-series, and look handily placed for the World Cup. England, meanwhile, remain much improved, and, given how one inspired period can resolve a game in this format, can still beat anyone. They won’t, obviously, but at least there exists the possibility that they might.

10.30am GMT10:30

Steve Smith says “momentum”, not “MOmentum”. Pathetic.

10.29am GMT10:29

What a brilliant performance this has been from Australia. They had the worst of the batting conditions, suffered for it, but were magnificent thereafter. Maxwell and Marsh steadied, accelerated, and then Faulkner’s hitting - abetted by some startlingly naive bowling and captaincy - left England needing a flyer to get near. They hinted at no such thing.

10.26am GMT10:26

WICKET! Finn b Hazlewood 6 (England 166 all out). Australia win by 112 runs

First ball of the over is fast, straight and full. Finn backs away to facilitate his expansive drive over the top. Clatter. Splay.

Updated at 10.57am GMT

10.26am GMT10:26

39th over: England 166-9 (Finn 6, Anderson 5) Anderson does his best first up, sweeping and top-edging, but it drops just safe, at fine-leg. Then, he and Finn both add a single, before he goes down on one knee, sweeps, and gets under it - but this time it rises just over the leaping Hazelwood.

Updated at 10.58am GMT

10.21am GMT10:21

WICKET! Bopara c Bailey b Maxwell 33 (England 160-9)

Down the track twinkletoeses Bopara, he swipes slightly across the line, and floats a catch to Bailey at extra cover. Maxwell needs this last wicket for the fivefer that’ll cap a spectacular all-round effort.

Updated at 10.23am GMT

10.21am GMT10:21

38th over: England 159-8 (Bopara 33, Finn 6) Hazlewood back, and a single for Bopara gets him five balls at Finn. He’s racing in as well, managing five dots. Dot-to-dot, sounds fun. Maybe a wordsearch, or spot the ball. Something, anything.

10.17am GMT10:17

37th over: England 158-8 (Bopara 32, Finn 5) A wide, then a single to Bopara. Finn swipes at one from Maxwell, imparts outside-edge, and watches as it goes safe, goes again, gets more of it, they run one. Two more to Bopara, and this is England’s most prolific over in quite sometime.

Updated at 10.17am GMT

10.14am GMT10:14

36th over: England 152-8 (Bopara 26, Finn 5) Here comes the powerplay! Marsh beats Finn, clunking his back pad - there’s an appeal, he thinks it’s out, the commentators think it’s out - but it’s not, the ball pitching outside the line. Excellent umpiring. Meanwhile, in commentary, they’re discussing James Faulkner and largely ignoring what’s going on in the middle, such that it is. They don’t sound hopeful - “they’ve got options, the Aussies, but they’re not as good as Faulkner,” says Brett Lee.

Updated at 10.17am GMT

10.10am GMT10:10

35th over: England 150-8 (Bopara 26, Finn 5) Maxwell back, and England are seizing tedious failure from the jaws of blazing failure, hanging around to imperceptible avail. Bopara bumps a cover-drive for two, then he moves towards leg, the ball still goes behind him, and Umpire Erasmus says no wide, remaining unpersuaded to the contrary even when quizzed by our Ravi.

Updated at 10.14am GMT

10.07am GMT10:07

34th over: England 147-8 (Bopara 24, Finn 4) So, will Eoin Morgan “take the positives”, “keep doing the right things” and “middle-management speak”, or announce himself and his team culpable for a miserable effort? He’s currently sitting next to Peter Moores. Bumble is pointing out that Finn has no need whatsoever for practice of this ilk - he’ll not be required to bat out a draw in the immediate future, but might be needed to smash some runs. Hence, why not attempt so to do?

10.03am GMT10:03

33rd over: England 144-8 (Bopara 22, Finn 3) Starc again, and four leg-byes arrive when a full one swings late and brushes pad de Bopara. Then a single to third man, some swinging from Finn, some no runs.

9.57am GMT09:57

32nd over: England 138-8 (Bopara 21, Finn 3) Johnson takes a rest, and Marsh returns. No! Australia drop a catch! Bopara hot-steps down the track, slogs, and picks out Johnson at mid-on - it’s not a difficult chance, but it bursts through his hands. Two singles follow.

9.53am GMT09:53

31st over: England 134-8 (Bopara 19, Finn 1) Apparently Faulkner’s issue is soreness in his side; not a good part of the body to knack, not a terrible description of its severity. Meanwhile, Starc’s back, as Baron Samedi Lehmann, racks up the miles on an exercise bike in the Australian box. England need 145 runs to win from 19 overs.

9.48am GMT09:48

30th over: England 130-8 (Bopara 17, Finn 0) Finn, whose new hairdo is surely contrary to the spirit of cricket, fences at Johnson, misses, there’s an appeal - Haddin’s not interested - and nor is the umpire. Finn improves through the over, though plays at the final ball and turns to check it’s not gone from ground into stumps - it hasn’t - and that’s a maiden.

9.43am GMT09:43

WICKET! Broad c Sub (Cummins) b Maxwell 24 (England 130-8)

Another brilliantly taken catch - like the others, the kind you’d expect to be taken, like the others, the kid that’s often dropped. Broad slog-sweeps, and Cummins hares round, shielding his eyes from the sun, takes it above his head and slides to retain it at deep midwicket. Brilliantly judged.

Updated at 9.46am GMT

9.42am GMT09:42

29th over: England 130-7 (Bopara 17, Broad 24) Bopara begins a charge down the pitch, then defends instead. Broad then misses a swish at Maxwell, Haddin has the bails off, and they go upstairs - not out. Still, there’s another ball left.

9.39am GMT09:39

28th over: England 128-7 (Bopara 16, Broad 23) Broad steps away, swings, and crunches a drive off the toe, past mid-off! Oh, and look at that! Have a look! A controlled uppercut for six, right out of the meat! Johnson responds with a a slower one - clever, clever - straight, and it’s out. But it’s wide of off, and then Broad, backing away to leg again, waves the bat at one, the ball lurching just over Johnson’s outstretched arm, above his head in follow-through. They run one, then Johnson tries to drag down a slower one, instead sending it miles down leg-side, for a wide - as Bopara preapred to throw the bat. Twelve off the over, Bopara the Finisher now playing the anchor role - oh, and England are ahead of where Australia were at this stage.

Updated at 9.40am GMT

9.35am GMT09:35

27th over: England 116-7 (Bopara 16, Broad 12) Lovely ball from Maxwell, slower, coaxing Broad forward to slog, deceiving him, but not quite spinning sufficiently - it bounces just over the top. The tactic makes sense though - hit, and runs, miss, and away from Mitch. So, when Maxwell drops short, Broad rocks back and fairly canes him over midwicket - Monty Panesar corner, they call it in Perth. Then, next ball, Broad goes again, this time slicing it over cover - it drops before the sweeper can arrive, they run one, and he’s facing Johnson! Ulp!

9.31am GMT09:31

26th over: England 106-7 (Bopara 15, Broad 5) Er, here comes Mitchell Johnson - George Bailey wants hame. Two dots, and then Bopara nudges one behind square, bringing Broad onto strike - this should be “interesting times”, given how much he enjoyed their duel last winter/summer. And he immediately get the feet moving - the wa-tutsi, says Slats - but can’t impart the faint edge he was seeking to whisk away to the non-striker’s.

9.26am GMT09:26

25th over: England 105-7 (Bopara 14, Broad 5) Broad scoops one up, it goes high towards mid-off, and Warner’s after it, but can’t quite get in the extra step he needs to facilitate a dive. Do England take some time in the middle, against this attack, or try to win? A two wides, then a four, swept by Broad.

9.23am GMT09:23

It’s wide, and Broad lets it go - as Bopara did Faulkner’s hat-trick ball.

9.23am GMT09:23

And Stuart Broad will face the hat-trick ball! Will Maxwell try a bumper!

Updated at 9.23am GMT

9.21am GMT09:21

WICKET! Woakes c & b Maxwell 0 (England 98-7)

Maxwell, who’s “having a day out!” deceives Woakes, who’s “not having not a day!” and a leading edge goes back to the bowler, a dolly. He’s on a hat-trick!

Updated at 9.22am GMT

9.19am GMT09:19

WICKET! Buttler c Sub (Cummins) b Maxwell 17 (England 98-6)

Buttler plays the stretching, bending sweep, but succeeds solely in guiding to Pat Cummins - who, “getting down well for a big man”, takes another understated pearler.

Updated at 9.20am GMT

9.18am GMT09:18

24th over: England 98-5 (Bopara 14, Buttler 17) Bored of scratching around, Bopara gets en pointe, making room and crashing Faulkner’s first ball past him, along the ground. Shot! And then, bad news - Faulkner’s hurt his back, and all of a sudden, he’s not only off, but got a problem as regards the World Cup. If we’re speculating and hoping, perhaps he’ll be ale to at least bat, if not bowl. Finch to finish the over, and England let him get away with it, three singles all they add - and Buttler almost gives it away final ball, a leading edge contriving to avoid the fielder.

9.14am GMT09:14

23rd over: England 90-5 (Bopara 8, Buttler 15) Single to Bopara, bumped down the ground, then Starc whizzes one past Buttler’s edge. Next, he angles one in, it folds Buttler and crashes into the thigh-pad, but later in the over offers width and bounce - Buttler can’t be letting these go, nor, by startling coincidence, does he, flashing, bat angled upwards, and getting four down to point.

9.10am GMT09:10

22nd over: England 85-5 (Bopara 7, Buttler 11) Faulkner fancies himself a man of the match award here, flinging down a maiden to Buttler. England have no choice now but to hang about, and hope they’re still around in, say, ten overs time.

9.08am GMT09:08

21st over: England 85-5 (Bopara 7, Buttler 11) Starc’s back and Bopara takes a single, then Buttler glides two down to long-on and shoves four through extra-cover. He is incredibly equilibrious and serene, incongruous with the murderous nature of his hitting. Anyhow, Bopara checks his drive to the final ball, relieved when it bounces just in front of Johnson at mid-off.

“Tricky for England now, what with the run rate sneaking up,” emails James Lane. “A controlled counter-attack is requ - oh, there goes Root. But while we wait for the inevitable not-with-a-bang-but-a-whimper finish, how about that Mitchell Johnson, eh? What other quicks of recent memory have been so electrifying to watch?”

Flintoff, perhaps - but without the frisson of danger. Dale Steyn charging in is one of the most thirlling things I’ve ever seen, but again, he’s nowhere near as intimidating, as those of us who’ve faced them know. So, going back a little further, Ambrose and Donald, maybe.

9.03am GMT09:03

20th over: England 77-5 (Bopara 6, Buttler 5) It was, indeed, out - pitched inside the line, clumping middle and leg halfway up. Meanwhile, Buttler caresses four down the ground first ball, then flips a single towards mid-on. Faulkner charges in again, and Bopara calls him off, something moving behind the arm - the ball’s delivered anyway, the need so to do again not especially app-ree-see-ated. Talking of which, are there any more naueating pronunciations than that? Miss-chee-vee-ous?

8.58am GMT08:58

WICKET! Root lbw b Faulkner 25 (England 71-5)

James Faulkner is having a day! First ball, it’s full, it’s straight enough, and it’s too quick for Root, who takes it on the bottom of the pad. Perhaps it pitched outside leg - more likely, it was just in line, and crashing into middle - and I think Australia might sneak this.

Updated at 9.00am GMT

8.57am GMT08:57

19th over: England 71-4 (Root 25, Bopara 5) Two singles, and then Root reaches for one, down on one knee and aiming for a slog-sweep. But, if anything, it’s too wide, and he ends up relieved not to have edged. Three off the over.

8.54am GMT08:54

18th over: England 68-4 (Root 23, Bopara 4) Three dots to begin from Marsh - the required rate is already above six - but Root is affecting calm, and turns one away down to square-leg. Bopara then comes down the track and swats to similar location, and this time they run two. The charge is on!

8.52am GMT08:52

17th over: England 65-4 (Root 22, Bopara 2) Basically, we’re waiting until the next bout of Mitchell. What a peculiar sentiment. So many superb cricketers in the middle, and yet, all dominated by a single transcendent talent - and, consequently, presence. Root takes a single off Maxwell’s first ball, then Bopara nudges one of is own. And, I wonder if his place is under threat - Morgan’s barely required his bowling, in which case he needs runs. Anyway, he’s almost almost run out when he takes a quick single to Warner - smart move, that - only for him to be caught batsman watching, fumble, and miss a simple opportunity.

8.46am GMT08:46

16th over: England 62-4 (Root 20, Bopara 1) Maxwell is “such a unique hitter”, we learn. Is this allowable in Australian, same as “pretty average”? Root looks in handy touch here - he’ll need to be - and gently hooks down to square-leg for a single. Marsh follows up with a jaffa, a cross-seamer that leaves Bopara, and is well into this. One off the over.

8.42am GMT08:42

15th over: England 61-4 (Root 19, Bopara 1) So, Maxwell into the attack to twirl through a few while England try and avoid demoralising humiliation. Root flicks the first ball off his pads and they get two, then after two goes driving square on the off-side, Marsh misses one and that’s four.

8.39am GMT08:39

14th over: England 54-4 (Root 12, Bopara 1) So, do England consolidate - “consolidate” - and hope someone can thrash it around at the end? Or try and keep with the rate, risking the wickets that they can’t afford to lose? Let’s be honest, because nothing’s honester than honesty: it doesnae matter a stuff. I wonder how it feels bowling opposite Johnson - can you tell people you get wickets at the other end? And, given how fast bowling, bowling, playing sport, existing, is dictated by ego, how it feels being an international, and yet also a sideshow, a support act.

Updated at 8.41am GMT

8.36am GMT08:36

13th over: England 53-4 (Root 11, Bopara 1) Three dots, and then Root flashes onto one, snapping it away for three down to midwicket; nicely played. This gets Bopara on strike, and he does well to avoid a well-directed bouncer than closes the over.

“Wasn’t there a song about Mitch,” emails Paul Bolster, “that went something like this:

‘He bowls to the throatHe bowls at the stumpsWhen you leave Mitchell JohnsonYour batting is a naughty word!’”

I’d love to hear Eoin Morgan talk us through that honestly; it’s incredible, how the prospect of a burst mooth can mess with the mind of even the steeliest competitors.

8.32am GMT08:32

12th over: England 50-4 (Root 8, Bopara 1) England are right in the Mrs Elswoods here. Marsh into the attack, starts with a wide and a leg-bye, then a single each. Here comes Johnson again.

8.28am GMT08:28

11th over: England 46-4 (Root 6, Bopara 0) Er, that’s a double-wicket maiden. What a bowler, what a cricketer Johnson is! Rhythm appears to be located.

Updated at 8.30am GMT

8.26am GMT08:26

...and here he comes, arms pumping, hair bobbing ... and Bopara leaves it outside off. Interestingly, Johnson is mainly bowling cross-seam, here - the wicket is taking skid, apparently.

Updated at 8.45am GMT

8.23am GMT08:23

WICKET! Morgan b Johnson 0 (England 46-4)

Stop me, oh stop me. Stop me if you think you’ve heard this one before. Oh my days. Mitchell, Mitchell, Mitchell! Morgan eaves a straight one. Morgan leaves a straight one! Guess what happens! Here comes the hat-trick ball!

Updated at 8.25am GMT

8.21am GMT08:21

WICKET! Ali c Finch b Johnson 26 (England 46-3)

Oh! Mitchell Johnson is a brute! He makes Ali duck with a speculative bouncer, then follows up with another, this time gently coaxed throatwards. All Ali can do is hold the bat straight in front of it, and he edges to slip, standing at about one-and-half.

Updated at 8.23am GMT

8.19am GMT08:19

10th over: England 46-2 (Ali 26, Root 6) A single each, and then Hazlewod, probably bowling the last over of his spell, persuades one to bounce a little more, pulled by Root from in front of square, for four. Then, next ball, he presents the full face and middles it, but mid-off dives sharply right to cut it off.

8.16am GMT08:16

9th over: England 40-2 (Ali 25, Root 1) More no-ball discussion - Bumble’s sure it’s a no-ball, and aghast at a line thicker than a baby’s arm. Until he changes his mind. Then, Root nurdles down to point to get off the mark, and Moeen drives four more on the up and through cover again.

“TOP wicket-ball from Hazelwood,” emails Robert Wilson. “Meanwhile, could someone help the Channel 9 commentators pronounce Moeen Ali correctly? How hard is it? It’s not like he’s called Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas or Proinsias Ni Chonchuir or something. Could anyone suggest a handy mnemonic?”

Updated at 8.17am GMT

8.10am GMT08:10

WICKET! Taylor c Maxwell b Johnson 4 (England 35-2)

Taylor pushes a drive outside off, edges, and Maxwell dives left at deep gully, almost off his knees, to accomplish another blinder, sliding fingers under the ball and snagging it just before the pitch. There follows no-ball discussion - it’s close, and the line is thick - but it’s out.

Updated at 8.33am GMT

8.09am GMT08:09

8th over: England 35-1 (Ali 21, Taylor 4) Taylor wants to get going, trying a drive at Hazlewood as he comes down the track, attempting a drive, then forced to leap and turn away to leg with both feet off the ground. They run two, and then he finds the middle from the next two, but also the fielders - he’s clearly decided that England can’t be assuming themselves capable of perpetrating similar violence at the death. So, if they can make hay at the start, when Australia were struggling, a more sensible acceleration will give them a shot. Er, tHREE off the over.

Updated at 8.10am GMT

8.06am GMT08:06

7th over: England 32-1 (Ali 21, Taylor 1) So, here comes the one like Mitch, as he’d announce himself were he phoning up mid-90s jungle pirate radio station Don FM for a shout. And Taylor has never faced him, so, when Moeen takes a single down to long leg, here he is. Oh. Can I go home? But Taylor is no soft touch, so discusses how this is why he’s here and all that, leaves one, gets a single, and then Moeen leans into a wider ball, easing it through cover with strong forearms and wrists - what a delicious timer he is.

Updated at 8.07am GMT

8.02am GMT08:02

6th over: England 26-1 (Ali 16, Taylor 0) Hazlewood is grooved here, a menacing bouncer tempting Taylor to hook - he misses. And he really looks a very handy bowler indeed, lengths, lines and pace are spot-on - he’s got Test-class metaphorically written over, through and above him, and sends down a second consecutive maiden.

7.58am GMT07:58

5th over: England 26-1 (Ali 16, Taylor 0) Moeen edges a kind of leg-side drive for four, so Starc finds that line outside off, and again, Moeen swishes and misses. So Starc goes straighter again, and this time, Moeen gets all of it, whipping him through square-leg to the fence.

Meanwhile, aparently “it’s got to be a durian in that part of the world. Or maybe stinky tofu” - says Andrew Benton of the new ball.

7.53am GMT07:53

4th over: England 18-1 (Ali 8, Taylor 0) Wicket-maiden from Hazlewood, and well, you know. But, the detail: two testing balls that set-up the wicket, then three more gooduns.

Updated at 7.54am GMT

7.49am GMT07:49

WICKET! Bell c Haddin b Hazlewood 8 (England 18-1)

This is a lovely ball and a jazzer of a catch - it’s just back of a length, heading towards off-stump, and forcing Bell to play. He edges, and Haddin dives forward-right to scoop up a very presentable snaffle.

Updated at 9.54am GMT

7.48am GMT07:48

3rd over: England 18-0 (Ali 8, Bell 8) Starc, who loves the conditions here, starts his second over with a leg-side wide. Then, a straighter one but still slanting into the pads, and Moeen times his glance beautifully, the ball racing away for four; he then follows it with a baseball swipe outside off, doing well to miss. Ian Healy reckons you don’t play that kind of shot at the Waca, at least not until you’re an hour into your dig, so, after a bouncer that’s plenty high - a wide - Moeen does it again, before doing superbly to jab out a swinging yorker last ball.

7.43am GMT07:43

2nd over: England 12-0 (Ali 4, Bell 8) Hazlewood has the cherry from the other end - is it still a cherry if it’s white, and if not, what is it? A lychee? A hailstone? He starts well, anyway, with three dots, but then Moeen flays him through the off-side and they run three, the only scoring shot of the over.

Updated at 7.48am GMT

7.39am GMT07:39

1st over: England 9-0 (Ali 1, Bell 8) Moeen gets off the mark running Starc down to third man, before Bell, desperate to use up all his form prior to the start of the serious business, caresses a drive through cover to the fence - that was a half-volley, more or less. And then, next ball, he thumps one to more or less the same area. Excellent start.

Updated at 7.48am GMT

7.36am GMT07:36

And play.

7.33am GMT07:33

And here’s one more for your anvil, stirrup and pals, courtesy of @MancinSofia.

7.32am GMT07:32

It’s still a thorny one, Woakes’ spot in this side - in mine. Had Stokes been shown the same patience, perhaps he might have been selected instead - the pitches certainly suit him, and he’s also shown he can bat against Johnson. It’s true that Starc will be as much a threat, and he didn’t do anything like enough with the opportunities he was given, but his treatment is fragrant with overtones of eau de Moores.

7.29am GMT07:29

The Apprentice considers Woakes’s spell.

7.27am GMT07:27

@DanielHarris Bob contemplates the spell from Woakes pic.twitter.com/bEvwGFex6n

7.25am GMT07:25

For those who’ve spent the evening in a discotheque or somesuch, some respite for the cochleas.

7.21am GMT07:21

So, will the English batsmen - perhaps the sentence should just end there - have the foolishness or fibre to get after Mitchell Johnson? Will Mitchell Johnson be getafterable? Like any fast bowler, bowler, human, he’s better when in rhythm, and he won’t be - but he will be fast, slingy, scary, and, most significantly of all, Mitchell Johnson.

7.17am GMT07:17

Morning and evening everyone. There are numerous impotences and frus-trations in being a

human being

sports fan, perhaps none so common as knowing better than those paid to know. Usually, this is, in fact, nonsense.

However, when it comes to England’s approach to one-day cricket, the entire population of the planet has, in unison and for a generation, been able to identify it as a sizeable piece of nonsense. And, eventually, in the last two months, those in charge have noticed what 7 billion people might have told them twenty years ago - and, amazingly, things have instantly improved.

But, by how much? For the first time, there’s batting order of talent, temperament and variety, so there’s an expectation that one or two of them will perform - and if England are to make a game of this, they’ll have to. Their bowlers started superbly, but the partnership between Glen Maxwell and Mitchell Marsh set up the juddering, shuddering competence of Australia’s finale -

Jade

Chris Woakes’ spell ended up the fourth most expensive ever by Englishman - such that in the context of the ground, conditions and opponent, they’re chasing a monster of a total. This could be brilliant or this could be unbrilliant, each equally compelling.

Updated at 7.49am GMT

7.11am GMT07:11

Innings Break. England require 279 runs to win at 5.57 runs per over

Well. There you go. Some typical lower-order pyrotechnics from “The Closer”, James Faulkner (50*), an entertaining if erratic 95 from Glenn Maxwell, and a hard-hitting 60 by the impressive Mitchell Marsh, has elevated Australia to a very respectable, even powerful 278.

England bowled well, mostly. James Anderson (38-2) underlined his terrific skills. The off-spinners of Moeen Ali (39-1) were probing, understated and effective. While Stuart Broad (55-3) and Steven Finn (53-1) had their moments across their ten allotted overs.

But Chris Woakes (89/0) was pasted over the WACA like anchovy paste across a giant chunk of sourdough toast. He’ll do well to forget it.

And so England need 279 runs to win. I’ll call it now. I’ll back them out. But it’ll be super-entertaing if they get close.

Tune in again at 3:30pm Perth Time, 6:30pm in Sydney, and 7:30am in Greenwich where they do mean time.

I’m Matt Cleary. It’s been a pleasure. The great Daniel Harris will be taking over for England’s run chase.

And bye for now.

Updated at 7.12am GMT

6.58am GMT06:58

Over No.50 Australia 278-8 (James Faulkner 50, Mitchell Starc 0)

Okay, last one. By Big Finny, the Finn Man, him. He tears into Johnson, who whacks him for one. then is out. You would have read that bit.

Faulkner ... ha. Tries a huge pull shot that comes exactly off the toe-end of the club, cue, bat, whatever weapon he’s holding there.

Finn to Faulkner. Short one. Wide. Wide? Hmm... over the shoulder.

Finny to Faulkner. Two to go. Swing and a miss. Dot ball. Good bowling, the Finn.

Last ball ... Finn to Faulkner ... ha! Oh it’s the James Faulkner show! He brings up his 50 with a six off the last ball, he SMASHED that over square leg, what an innings by The Closer, he’s whacked 50 off 24 balls. And in an innings that meandered in the middle as Australia consolidated, James Faulkner has got Australia into a super position after being sent in and wobbling early.

Will be back in a sec to wrap this bad-boy up.

Updated at 7.13am GMT

6.54am GMT06:54

Wicket! Mitchell Johnson 3 c Eoin Morgan b Steven Finn

Johnson advances as one does in the last over and smashes it high and nowhere particularly far away, but it was still a good catch by the captain, it went up a long way.s

6.51am GMT06:51

Over No.49 Australia 267-7 (James Faulkner 41, Mitchell Johnson 2)

Woakesy! He’s been more expensive than expensive jewellery. Nine overs for 65 runs, and he’s got the penultimate one.

Faulkner swots a full one, a yorker length one, for one.

Around the wicket to Johnson now. Who swots one to leg.

Faulkner. If Jimmy’s dangerous with the ball, Faulkner is ... well. Six runs. Woakes tries a slower one that’s short, a funny looking thing that Faulkner heaves over mid-wicket. It was one of those fast leg-spinners and Faulkner just waited for it and despatched it out the ground.

Next - oh! Fat edge just misses the leaping keeper, Joss Buttler. Four more. Woakes has 75 runs. Now 81! Faulkner has heaved another six over mid-wicket, this one a full-toss on the knees ... terrible bowling, really. But well, Big Jimmy Faulkner ... he’s on the fire.

AND SIX MORE! HA. Woakes bowls another short slow one that Faulkner baseball slogs down the ground, like a leaping baseball shot ... a line drive. And my... he’s smashed old mate Woakesy there, three sixes and 24 off.

6.45am GMT06:45

Over No.48 Australia 243-7 (James Faulkner 18, Mitchell Johnson 1)

Anderson, to Faulkner ... boom, a sort of sweep shot on one leg, he helped it round the corner and whacked it at the same time, four runs. Super shot. He can play this bloke Faulkner. The Lance Kleusner of 2015? Discuss.

Short ball, slower ball ... and bang! Hooked high over square leg for four, just inside the rope, again.

Bouncer. Quick one. Then a yorker, unplayable. Sneak a single. Jimmy Anderson. Can play.

Last ball. There’s been 11 off. Anderson to Johnson. Who tries a little lap to leg, but it whacks off the end of his cue-stick. He and Jimmy laugh because it’s funny.

6.40am GMT06:40

Over No.47 Australia 232-7 (James Faulkner 7, Mitchell Johnson 1)

Boom - James Faulkner, they call him “The Closer” because it’s a catchy handle and because at this time of the innings, whether chasing or posting, he’s the big man for the job. He smotes a cover drive off one knee from Stuart Broad, like a very tall Gus Logie.

Broad, 53/3 ... he’s been exxy. Woakes, too. Anderson: not. Ali: also not.

Broad beats Johnson, around the wicket. Johnson hasn’t played for a bit. Don’t reckon he’ll have forgotten how to bowl. He dobs a single.

Faulkner ... six off the over ... Broad comes in ... and ... Faulkner dabs him for one.

Gus Logie:

Updated at 6.43am GMT

6.35am GMT06:35

Over No.46 Australia 225-7 (James Faulkner 3, Mitchell Johnson 0)

Okay, Dangerous Jimmy, the great Jimmy Anderson. Can bowl. Been doing it forever. 400 Test wickets? He’s a ripper. He bowls around the wicket to Mitchell Johnson. England may have just rent the ascendancy. Something.

Top over. Just the one off. Poms on top? You could make a case.

Henry Hempstead writes: “My favorite OBO ever. Worth being up at 6am. Fizz and buzz, Mark Nicholas would ‘yah’ at it. Martin Pickering can stare at a scorecard if he wants to, I want Dangerous Jim.”

Ha. Thanks mate.

Also ha:

6.31am GMT06:31

Wicket! Brad Haddin 9 c James Taylor b Stuart Broad

Slower short one from Broad and Taylor takes his third catch of the innings, it was a poorly timed pull shot and lobbed to the man at wide mid-on.

And thus in: Over No.45 Australia 224-7 (James Faulkner 1, Mitchell Johnson 0)

Tales of the South Pacific time:

Tony Whitley in Vanuatu writes: “Dear Matt, Am an England supporter in Vanuatu. I have Cricinfo and BBC so don’t want another of either - really enjoying your summaries and player descriptions - they are like word cartoons!, do please keep it up - and really like the tag “ Dangerous Jimmy. Best wishes, Tony Whitley.”

Thanks, Tony. “Word cartoons”? I’ll take it.

Jon James in Bali writes: “Hi Matt, I’m in Bali, there’s not a cloud in the sky, got a great spot next to the pool, 3 quid mojitos, my beautiful wife of 1 year next to me, some nostalgic Green Day and Live songs being played at the bar and I’ve just found out that my work contract in Stockholm had been extended for another year. Despite this, I’m still trying to desperately latch onto a single bar of wifi on a barely visible screen to catch your updates. Putting all this together, you can’t be doing to bad of a job and Martin Pickering should try not to take out whatever personal issues he obviously has on the OBO.”

6.25am GMT06:25

Over No.44 Australia 219-5 (Brad Haddin 8, James Faulkner 0)

Okay - seven overs to go. Steve Finn has at least one of them. He’s bowling to Haddin, and to The Closer, Jimmy Faulkner.

Big wicket, Mitch Marsh. Great work Buttler, despite the extra “t”, he’s thrown down the stumps bowler’s end.

Bowled pretty well, Steve Finn. He would have walked off with England recording a wicket maiden, except that Brad Haddin, a noted driver, has spanked ... no, not spanked, that’s something Big Show would do. It was a perfect off-drive, top shelf, orthodox and powerful. Four runs. Four off.

6.22am GMT06:22

Wicket! Mitchell Marsh 60 Run Out (Anderson/Buttler)

Well - big wicket! Huge wicket. Mitchell Marsh run out at the bowler’s end for 60 when he was hitting it like Brian Lara at the nightclubs. Brad Haddin steered Finn to third man, Anderson hurled it back in, Buttler took it and threw down the stumps at the bowler’s end.

Martin Wright says: “Remember that Siberian tiger? I think it’s extinct.”

Not just yet.

6.19am GMT06:19

Over No.43 Australia 215-5 (Mitchell Marsh 60, Brad Haddin 3)

Well - here we go. Mitchell Marsh is smoking England here. Stuie Broad is tearing in but the tall all-rounder from the West, the Son of Swampy, he’s flaying the Kookburra to all parts. Covers, straight. He’s belting it. He could sneak a ton.

Eleven off.

6.17am GMT06:17

Over No.42 Australia 204-5 (Mitchell Marsh 45, Brad Haddin 0)

Okay, another dinky little over of finger-spin by our man Ali, just the three off.

His beard is like ... it’s like a country, a wilderness zone. It’s the bush.

6.14am GMT06:14

Wicket! Glenn Maxwell 95 c Joss Buttler b Stuart Broad

Well - there you go. Eventually Maxwell’s entertaining swordsmanship comes to an end as one always sensed it would. He advances on Broad, tries a hook-swot to the boundary that takes a top edge and soars into the ether and is easily pouches by Buttler, whose name I’ve had to re-spell just about each time who spells Butler like that it’s an outrage.

6.11am GMT06:11

Over No.41 Australia 201-5 (Mitchell Marsh 39, Brad Haddin 0)

Stuie Broad, now. Tall man, buzz cut hairdo. he bowls to Marsh ... who SMASHES him hard over cover and Ravi Bopara flinches like he’s been electrocuted, like a mongoose was break-dancing on his spine. Whack. My but he hit that hard, Son of Swampy, the big lad, they call him Bison, they say, he’s a big unit.

Then: bang, again, a full one is spanked hard and straight down the ground, all along the ground ... wow. It’s Simon O’Donnell redux.

200 up. Fans miss it or don’t care. Here’s Maxwell ... he’ll be out. He is. For 95. last ball of the over. I’ll talk it up in a tick.

Meanwhile:x

I’d finish the beer first.

Updated at 6.13am GMT

6.06am GMT06:06

Over No.40 Australia 192-4 (Glenn Maxwell 95, Mitchell Marsh 39)

Boom - Maxwell, another of his funny Maxwell Only shots almost decapitates Mitch Marsh before whistling hard down the ground for four.

Last over the power play.

Boom - Maxwell, he backs away and slays a cover-drive over the in-field for four. It turned into a full toss, and Woakes is more expensive ...

And then: Ha. don’t go changin, Super Max. A slower ball that he’s reverse hooked for for over third man, or whatever it is. He’s into the 90s.

And cracks another four! Eighteen off the over. It’s the Big Show show.

Tony Harlow writes: Matt, I rather disagree with your prior correspondent. I am standing at Laneway festival Sydney watching a mixed bag of rather trendy bands rather than enjoying the cricket, and your description is giving a very fair sense of England frittering a good start away under the remorseless swishing of maxwell. And there’s a sense of impending explosion from Marsh (who seems to be playing well))‎. And I have an idea the pitch isn’t a minefield (at least until Starc and Johnson start on it). Off to Royal Blood and Little Dragon now so please keep it up!”

No worries. (Pitch no minefield.)

6.01am GMT06:01

Over No.39 Australia 174-4 (Glenn Maxwell 79, Mitchell Marsh 38)

Okay, Dangerous Jimmy, England’s best, one of the world’s best, a rangy man and fast, top out-swinger. And Glenn Maxwell is now, with 11 overs or so to go, is swinging at everything. He knows but one way.

Last ball - four runs, a funny looking back foot scoop drive over covers for four. We’re in the power-play and you can’t have men everywhere like Madonna.

Nine off.

5.58am GMT05:58

Over No.38 Australia 165-4 (Glenn Maxwell 75, Mitchell Marsh 34)

Okay, Woakesy, again, bowls a short slow one, the modern day change up, that Marsh hacks to backward square.

Then: Boom - four runs. A swot-drive ... don’t know what that shot is .... Maxwell has backed away and smacked a drive-cut through the covers, four runs.

Then: beaten. Maxwell advances, and the ball bounds over middle-and-leg.

Yorker. Five off.

Phil Withall writes: “Afternoon Matt. I’m really feeling the love for you that seems to be out there! Obviously the ‘more substantive’ websites are down or maybe they’re just bitter Queensland LNP supporters. Chin up.

John Ratcliffe of the internet asks: “You are only here for the first innings, aren’t you Promise? You won’t ever be coming back again will you? Promise?”

While Gangesh Vadakeyil says: “Hi. Thanks for your great commentary on the final...as a final without Team India the match holds but little interest for most of my compatriots..but given my incurable addiction to the game, my plight is otherwise. You seem to have taken Martin P’s question rather literally..what he meant must have been your insightful reading of the progress of the match, your predictions on the possible score the Aussies might make..perhaps, you are sarcastic?What do u think of India’s prospects in the WC..2 months Down Under, they are yet to taste a win..atrocious travellers for long, India seem to suffer from bare bowling resources presently; their batting might be competent in alien, hostile conditions in Australia..what r your thoughts on our chances of getting into the last 4? kindly amplify as a prescient pundit..”

Updated at 5.59am GMT

5.53am GMT05:53

Over No.37 Australia 160-4 (Glenn Maxwell 71, Mitchell Marsh 33)

Bang - lovely shot by Maxwell, off Dangerous Jimmy Anderson, four runs to leg.

CHARGE! AAiieee! Maxwell dances down the wicket and smashes Anderson high into the air, the ball soaring out into the mid-wicket area and sucking back into the hole for a birdie three.

Anderson follows up with a slower one, half-tracker, that Maxwell hacks to square leg.

Oh - some over of cricket. Marsh chunks a forward defensive that Bopara leaps forward to catch. But does not.

Hundred partnership. Good reply from being 60-4.

Which is Maxwell’s cue to attempt a reverse pull shot from a slower ball that goes nowhere flash.

5.49am GMT05:49

Over No.36 Australia 152-4 (Glenn Maxwell 64, Mitchell Marsh 32)

BOOM! Mitchell Marsh launches Chris Woakes’ short one over the deepest backward square boundary, it’s six runs, and the big all-rounder has hoisted that for six. Huge hit. And here come the Aussies, with 15 overs to go, and six wickets in hand. It’s go time.

Six off.

5.44am GMT05:44

Over No.35 Australia 146-4 (Glenn Maxwell 64, Mitchell Marsh 26)

Martin Pickering asks: “Can you give us an idea please about how you consider the game is going, how England are bowling or how Australia are batting?”

England is bowling okay. Australia is batting okay. Consolidating.

“All I’ve got so far are physical descriptions of the England players (I already know what they look like) and bantz-heavy nicknames of the Aussies. There’s no sense at all of how the match is going.”

We’re in the 35th over. The score is 140. Four wickets down. There’s a scoreboard thing the top of each missive. Australia is conslidating. And about to launch a massive attack.

“I realise that this might be your first Guardian OBO, and that, judging by your profile, you might be more used to covering golf, and might well have been drafted in at the last minute, but it’s pretty insight-free.”

“Let us know at least what other commentators are saying about the match if you can’t provide the insight. Sorry to be harsh, but it’s really not a great read.”

You hurt me, Shrek. Cut me deep.

Six off that over. And here’s the Powerplay.

Updated at 5.44am GMT

5.38am GMT05:38

Over No.34 Australia 140-4 (Glenn Maxwell 63, Mitchell Marsh 21)

Boom - there’s his patented reverse sweep - four runs. Stood tall and whacked it. He goes again - fielder in the way. Then there’s a lap shot, sort of sweep thing ... he gives you a sniff, the Super Max.

5.34am GMT05:34

Over No.33 Australia 130-4 (Glenn Maxwell 56, Mitchell Marsh 19)

Bang. Finn bangs it in short to Marsh who pulls hard and flat and angry well in front of square leg. Top shot. Has been watchful. Time to ramp it up.

Finn to Maxwell. Commentators imploring him to “bat normally” so that he’ll be there in the final overs, delivering death and destruction.

Doesn’t look likely, though. He’s just sort of wafting at everything. The ball comes off his back, almost hits the stumps. Another one cuts Maxwell in two. And there’s a leg-bye that’s come off the rib area.

5.30am GMT05:30

Over No.32 Australia 124-4 (Glenn Maxwell 55, Mitchell Marsh 14)

Moeen Ali, doing a tidy little job for his captain, doing a job on the sobriety of the people in the outer ground who’ve filled the bars until his damned spell is over, these off-spinners are annoying people when they’re doing well.

Damn it’s a fine black beard. You could keep a whole family of meerkats in it. You could hide Julian Assange in it. You could take a three week rafting holiday in it.

Two off.

Updated at 5.30am GMT

5.26am GMT05:26

Over No.31 Australia 122-4 (Glenn Maxwell 54, Mitchell Marsh 13)

The Big Finn, Steve Finn, bowling to Maxwell on 53. He rides a cut off the face of his bat. Batting well. Mitch Marsh playing a complementary role. He’s 12 off ... 27. He’ll speed that up as the game requires. The breed ‘em clever these days, cricketers. They know stuff, what’s possible. And ten-per-over, last ten ... they reckon it’s coasting.

Not coasting. But ten an over in 1986 ... Allan Lamb once hit 18 runs off Bruce Reid once to win a game, I was there, and it was Amazing.

Finn. Fine over. Three dots, couple of singles. And then he cuts Super Max in half with a short one that shot through him like a Bondi Tram ... through a tunnel. On the way to Bondi.

Two off.

5.21am GMT05:21

Over No.30 Australia 118-4 (Glenn Maxwell 53, Mitchell Marsh 12)

REVERSE-SWEEP! Smashed it like the Hulk, but straight to James Taylor who did well at gully or something. Then - four runs, and fifty runs to Maxwell, with a beautiful dab-reverse-sweep, great hands, soft hands. Four runs.

He tries it again, but the ball balloons over the keeper to nowhere any captain has put a fielder ever.

Five off.

Updated at 5.26am GMT

5.19am GMT05:19

Over No.29 Australia 115-4 (Glenn Maxwell 48, Mitchell Marsh 12)

Super Max goes to 47 with a nice cut-drive sort of shot, off a Woakes not-that-short one. England put Australia in on this surface, it’s no minefield but runs aren’t coming as if from a money-tree from heaven. But they’re going well, toddling about at 4 runs an over, Marsh and Maxwell, something of an odd couple despite being all-rounders both.

Three from the over. Twenty more to go. The last ten it will get interesting. No wonder they invented T20.

5.17am GMT05:17

Over No.28 Australia 112-4 (Glenn Maxwell 45, Mitchell Marsh 12)

The innings has drifted into that Dead Zone where batsmen doff the ball about for ones and twos and consolidate until later. Meanwhile a current affairs television program has a “Special Report” eliciting tears from the survivors of the Lindt Cafe siege, people whom they’ve paid a heap of coin to cry on television and make everyone afraid of being in a cafe with a madman with a gun. Yay.

Four off. Or two. One of them.

5.13am GMT05:13

Over No.27 Australia 110-4 (Glenn Maxwell 44, Mitchell Marsh 11)

Woakesy, back again. First spell went for 29 off about 4 overs, something, after he opened the bowling after Morgan won the toss and bowled. Not sure why he wasn’t first or second change, you’d have to ask Morgan and he wouldn’t tell you the full story lest it hurt Woakesy’s feelings, team-mates and coaches keep everything in-house particularly criticism, it’s probably for the best.

50 partnership in 55 balls.

5.10am GMT05:10

Over No.26 Australia 106-4 (Glenn Maxwell 41, Mitchell Marsh 10)

Over. Nothing happened in that over.

Ravi Nair, in the meantime, asks:

As they say in Australia: Yeah-nah. “Big Show” is still winning, especially because he called himself that. Very Gen-Y. Good luck to him.

5.07am GMT05:07

Over No.25 Australia 103-4 (Glenn Maxwell 39, Mitchell Marsh 9)

Big Stuie, they call him Malfoy because he looks like the bad kid in Harry Potter: Whatever Happens In This Film There’s Probably Dragons In It And Some Other Crap How Many Films Can You Make How Much Pith Can You Squeeze From One Lemon ... and boom, Maxwell smokes him for four, square-drive, top shot. He’s batting well, Super Max, just within himself. He’s great to watch when he’s whacking away. Nice little cricket innings here.

Hundred up for Australia. Crowd misses it. Like the new 50, maybe. Remember watched Scotland and Australia in Worcester in ‘99, crowd cheered the 25. Good times. Steve Waugh won the toss and put Scotland in, and that was the end of the entertainment except for the Scotland opener hitting Glenn McGrath for four first ball and my mate Gary in a kilt flashing Darren Lehmann on the boundary. Good times.

Over.

5.02am GMT05:02

Over No.24 Australia 96-4 (Glenn Maxwell 33, Mitchell Marsh 8)

Moeen Ali, short ... and Mitch Marsh stands tall and cuts him along the ground to the fence. Nice shot. No fielder out there? They do have a slip. That’s the risk. But good cricket, for mine, from Morgan. Good attacking. You aren’t here for a haircut.

And if you are you’re a damned fool.

4.59am GMT04:59

Over No.23 Australia 89-4 (Glenn Maxwell 31, Mitchell Marsh 3)

“’Poms on top’,” remarks Martin Wright of Mumbia. “Let me just take a screenshot of that. Like a sighting of a Siberian tiger. A rare treat.”

Yeah ... that was a few overs ago. And Super Max Maxwell has managed to deny his natural impulse to SMASH EVERYTHING SMASH IT ALL SMASH! I MUST SMASH! RAMP SHOTS REVERSE SWEEPS OVER POINT SMASH IT ALL! AAIIEEE! and manufactured a tidy 30.

Poms perhaps still on top, at 89/4 ... in the 23rd over ... or maybe it’s detente.

Here’s Stuart Broad again, bowling fast to Mitchell Marsh. He’s a tall boy, Son of Swampy. And there’s five off Broady’s first one after a boundary screams down to third man off Super Max’s fat outside edge.

4.54am GMT04:54

Over No.22 Australia 84-4 (Glenn Maxwell 26, Mitchell Marsh 3)

Moeen Ali ... damn but that’s a heck of a beard. There’d be Amish Men, old timers, barn-builders, looking at the coverage of this tri-series final between Australia and England and stroking their own long bears, and saying, Top beard, brother.

And he’s bowling quite well, too, right arm over, off-spinners, little loop, mostly darts.

Two off.

4.52am GMT04:52

Over No.21 Australia 82-4 (Glenn Maxwell 25, Mitchell Marsh 2)

Finn, to Maxwell ... boom. Another full one in the slot, doesn’t swing, just sits there like a piece of pavlova perched up on a china plate, and Super-Max Maxwell drives it hard and straight and imperiously down the ground.

Four more. A leg glance takes inside edge and a thin bit of pad, and it’s fine and four. And here comes Super Max. He’ll probably get out now. No - he cuts a pie off the bottom edge, moans - I could have eviscerated that.

4.48am GMT04:48

Over No.20 Australia 72-4 (Glenn Maxwell 15, Mitchell Marsh 2)

Moeen Ali, has a slip to Mitch Marsh, a leg-slip to Super-Max. Not the worst batsman and part-time offie. No spinners in the country of England? Where’s the next Monty/ Swanny? How is old Swanny going? Funny man.

Couple off. Maybe three. Or four. Wasn’t much of an over, I can give you the very hot tip.

Updated at 4.49am GMT

4.45am GMT04:45

Over No.19 Australia 68-4 (Glenn Maxwell 13, Mitchell Marsh 0)

Shot. Off-drive, top shot. Four runs. Finn threw it up in the slot, full and a little wide, and Maxwell crunched it, four runs.

Then, bang - another boundary, this one a Mark Waugh like force through mid-wicket it was uppish and had the fielder been wider and closer in ... he’d have caught it. But he wasn’t and he didn’t. And Super-Max is looking confident. That’s not necessarily a good thing for Super-Max because he’ll be thinking how far he can the next yorker over long-leg.

Oh - and almost spoons one to mid-off. One thing when Maxwell is batting, you don’t look away.

4.42am GMT04:42

Over No.18 Australia 60-4 (Glenn Maxwell 5, Mitchell Marsh 0)

Here’s Mitchell Marsh. Batting with Glenn “Super Max” Maxwell. Four wickets down. This does not bode well with Maxwell trying to stem the mad blood-lust of his normal prediliction to GO MAD AT EVERYTHING AAAIIIEEE!! ... and Mitch Marsh having to bat for many overs. Poms on top.

4.40am GMT04:40

Wicket! Stephen Smith 40 st Joss Buttler b Moeen Ali

Well, you can get him out. Tempt him to dance down the wicket. Beat him in flight. Miss the stumping first go when the ball bounces out of your gloves but he’s gone so far down and given up you and pick it up and get him out, stumped.

Bowled, Big Beard.

Updated at 4.42am GMT

4.37am GMT04:37

Over No.17 Australia 57-3 (Stephen Smith 39, Glenn Maxwell 3)

Big Finny, if Stuie Broad is Centerpoint, this man is that one in Dubai, the really tall one. Went there once, to Dubai, quite an amazing city and if it hadn’t been built on the back of poorly-treated near-slave labour you’d think, Top stuff, Dubai, desert city.

Stevie Smith dancing around the crease, across it, backwards and forwards, like Benji Marshall channeling that frog-in-the-blender guy. But Finny just shoots down a normal one outside off stump. And there is no run.

And here is spin. Moeen Ali. How about his beard. WG Grace would be saying: Wow. That thing is a mighty wombat carcass of love. Something like it.

4.30am GMT04:30

Over No.16 Australia 55-3 (Stephen Smith 38, Glenn Maxwell 2)

Big Stuie ... long man. He must be 8 foot 4. Ten foot two. The size of Centrepoint Tower. Maxwell tries to parry him over the slips, and misses. He tries to hit everything. Good bowlers, Test class men, they’ll love bowling to him.

Tough haircut on Broadie / Malfoy. He’s bowling well. Australia circumspect. Not something you’d say of Super-max Maxwell, The Big Show, all that.

A maiden. To Maxwell. Don’t see many. And that is Drinks. I’m getting one. A beer? Hmm. Decisions. Decisions.

Meanwhile Krishnan Patel, I assume in Blighty, writes: “Morning Matt. I have the misfortune to be caught up in business far away from home in the early hours of a bitterly cold Sunday morning. The bigger misfortune however is watching this in a dodgy stream with Bhogle and Manjrekar’s jingoistic commentary putting Channel 9 to shame. Apparently, any wicket England takes is due to the big bad pitch (implying that Indian batsmen were blameless in their defeat at the same venue)...boy, I would love it if England beat these two to the cup...love it.”

4.25am GMT04:25

Over No.15 Australia 55-3 (Stephen Smith 38, Glenn Maxwell 2)

Maxwell, cuts, one-handed. He’s batting in the 15th over. Made 130-odd in Canberra against this attack, off 85 balls or something. Bit different at Manuka, it’s granma’s featherbed compared to this white-looking but bouncy WACA track.

But still ... it’s not a demon in a white-wicket’s clothing. Something.

Nice shot by Maxwell, a glide off the face of the bat to third man.

One off.

4.22am GMT04:22

Over No.14 Australia 54-3 (Stephen Smith 38, Glenn Maxwell 1)

Okay, Stuie Broad, they’re bowling wider outside off stump to Steve Smith, who’s playing outside off stump. Still nipping it off his hip to leg. He’s just sort of forgotten - or disregarded - his own stumps. He’s just playing wherever he feels like, “using” the crease as his own personal love-gimp.

Maybe not a love-gimp.

Maxwell off the mark! Time to unleash! He’s Australia’s T20 Player of The Year. He knows one way. Whether he’s batting 5 at the WACA or No.3 in Mumbai (he did, and no-one is sure why) he’s going one way: stone-berserker.

Oh - Steve Smith ... superb shot. A whipping thing off his pads to a full one outside off stump, and he’s smashed it to the mid-wicket fence with a flourish at the top like Gus Logie. Or Liberace. Or someone I don’t know, someone theatrical who can bat. Russell Crowe? Not so much.

Of Stuart Broad, Sarah Jane Bacon of Dubai, tweets:

4.17am GMT04:17

Over No.13 Australia 47-3 (Stephen Smith 33, Glenn Maxwell 0)

Yeah ... George Bailey didn’t play that well. It was short but he played it like it was a devil-ball for his throat. Flinched. Parried. And he’s David Gonski.

Steve Smith, however, is playing like he’s in the park with a gray-nicholls twin-scoop against his little brothers with a tennis ball.

Glenn Maxwell, eh? He’ll face the next one from Big Stuie. Could be a giggle.

4.14am GMT04:14

Wicket! George Bailey 2 c James Taylor b Stuart Broad

Broad gets one to bounce on Bailey and the out-of-form captain can only parry one to short leg where Taylor takes a simple catch. Bowling well Big Stuie. Lot of him. Buzz-cut hairdo, like a bovver-boy. Barnacle Bailey hasn’t scored after 13 balls. Then 14. Then 15. He got off the mark with a cut and was 2 off sixteen balls. Good one, Barnacle. But that was all she wrote.

And here comes Glenn Maxwell, not exactly the man you want to shore up an end, he’ll probably reserve sweep a ramp shot of Broad first ball.

Over No.12 Australia 45-3 (Stephen Smith 31, Glenn Maxwell 0)

4.07am GMT04:07

Over No.11 Australia 43-2 (Stephen Smith 31, George Bailey 0)

Dangerous Jimmy gets another one, his sixth on the trot. It’s a typically fine spell, he’s 2-fer-10. Wonder why different countries do the wickets-and-runs things differently, who started doing it differently from the MCC Way.

And there’s another maiden...? No. Smith strokes him elegantly through covers for a single.

4.04am GMT04:04

Over No.10 Australia 42-2 (Stephen Smith 30, George Bailey 0)

And so ten overs in and the first thought of turning down the television commentators, as they plug the City of Perth like the tourism spruikers that they effectively are.

Here’s Stuie Broad. Remember his old man batting in ‘86/87. He batted pretty much all summer. Interesting that his son would be a fast bowler ... you’d think, you know, if genetics are going to filter down from sire to colt, they’d at least both be imperious tall left-handed opening batsmen that won a Datsun 260-ZX for being the International Cricketer of the Year.

Three off.

4.00am GMT04:00

Stuart broad on. Buzz cut hairdo. Still doesn’t look scary.

3.59am GMT03:59

Over No.9 Australia 39-2 (Stephen Smith 27, George Bailey 0)

Maiden over by Dangerous Jimmy, all negotiated by Barnacle Bailey.

This is Shane Watson’s gaffe in Sydney. Quite nice.

3.55am GMT03:55

Over No.8 Australia 39-2 (Stephen Smith 27, George Bailey 0)

Bang - Steve Smith, off-drive ... beautiful shot. He’s on 25 off 17 now with a gorgeous drive down the ground. He’s batting on a different wicket.

LBW shout ... muffled. Smith shouldered arms and was hit on the pads, but it wouldn’t have hit an extra set of stumps. Why are the stumps three bits of wood, and two bails? Why not just one chunk of wood?

Oh - and Smith’s hit another Woakes full one for two through mid-wicket. Finding the middle of the bat like Fat Albert could find his mouth with a spoon-full of oatmeal.

Six off.

Updated at 3.58am GMT

3.51am GMT03:51

Over No.7 Australia 33-2 (Stephen Smith 21, George Bailey 0)

Subsequent replays show the ball bouncing more than Warner thought. But he’s gone forward on the WACA to a ball back of a length, tried to force it a bit. Wrong shot for the length.

Wicket-maiden for Dangerous Jimmy.

3.48am GMT03:48

Wicket! David Warner 12 c James Taylor b James Anderson

Well - Anderson gets one to bounce off a good length to Warner who is forward and spooning a Fat Albert of an edge off the shoulder of his bat to James Taylor at point who pouched an easy one in front of his eyes. Still not sure it means there’s ghosts in the WACA machine. But it might.

Here’s George Bailey.

Updated at 3.49am GMT

3.46am GMT03:46

Over No.6 Australia 33-1 (David Warner 12; Stephen Smith 21)

Boom - Smith pounds Woakes down the ground, four runs, straight down the ground. it was full and more a half-volley than a yorker, and Smith spanked it.

Then - four more. Smith moves right across his wickets and turns a good nut on middle stump into four funs out at square leg. Very hard to bowl to, SPD Smith, in this form. He’s batting like ... well. The best there is batting today: ABDV.

Eight off.

3.43am GMT03:43

Over No.5 Australia 25-1 (David Warner 12; Stephen Smith 13)

Smith is moving right across his wickets, he’s playing everything almost outside his off-stump. And he tucks Anderson fine behind square. Seeing it like Fat Albert.

Martin Wright in Mumbai writes: “Morning Matt. Gorgeous morning here in Mumbai, just made better by James Anderson. Just seen from your profile that you’re an Aussie, so I suppose I should hold back on the wild celebrations we Poms like to indulge in on the rare occasions we get an Australian out. Still. Jimmy, eh? Magic balls.”

Has a golden nut in him, our Jimmy, and no argument. Classic swing-man.

But I think Morgan may have erred having a bowl here. Bit of swing about ... but none of that silly-bounce from the other night against India. We’ll see.

3.39am GMT03:39

Over No.4 Australia 22-1 (David Warner 11; Stephen Smith 11)

Four! Boom, cracking square cut by Smith. Woakes dished it up short and wide and Smith just stood tall and smote - smited, smoted, whacked it like an 18th century horse thief - for four backward of point. Top shot.

Boom - Warner gets into the act, and he’s crunched a beautiful off-drive ... whack. Right out of the middle, four runs.

Next is a back foot defensive, again out of the middle. You don’t want David Warner hitting too many out of the middle, he is more dangerous than many countries.

And we’re into the fourth over. Australia’s 22/1 ... England put them in. There’s nothing demonic in the pitch.

Over.

3.35am GMT03:35

Over No.3 Australia 13-1 (David Warner 7; Stephen Smith 6)

Anderson, bowling well. Draws another Fat Albert from Warner off a good length delivery. Then he almost draws a popped front-foot forward defensive shot that’s just short of Bopara. Good areas, good speed. Played rugby with a Bruce Goodspeed, they called him Rowdy.

Four runs - leg glance from Warner, turned it around the corner well, lot of swing from Anderson and Warner just had to get bat on it. And did.

Over.

3.32am GMT03:32

Over No.2 Australia 7-1 (David Warner 1; Stephen Smith 6)

Chris Woakes takes the new ball, and slings it in. Smith donks him for a single. David Warner defends on his back foot, hopping about. Looks a pretty good physical specimen, Woakesy. He squares up Warner and the ball squirts through point off a Fat Albert of an edge.

Ooh - Smith whips a full one off his middle and leg stump and ... just clears the leaping fielder at mid-wicket inside the circle.

Hey, hey, hey, it’s ...

3.27am GMT03:27

Over No.1 Australia 1-1 (David Warner 0; Stephen Smith 1)

Fine over from Anderson. Good bounce and swing, decent speed. He beat Finch two of three balls, and extracted him with the last one. Steve Smith first ball moved right across his stumps, as he’s been doing all summer. And David Warner negotiated the last couple.

3.24am GMT03:24

Wicket! Aaron Finch 0 c Joe Root b James Anderson

Third ball! First one Anderson beat Finch with a Jaffa back of a length that swung and bounced. Third one was a similar nut straighter at his body that Finch could only snick to Root at first slip who took a tidy catch. Well bowled Dangerous Jim. Australia 1-fer.

3.22am GMT03:22

Righto. We’ve had the anthems. The Welcome to Country. The low humming thrumming rumble, something, from the didgeridoo. Here comes David Warner and Aaron Finch, the latter of whom will face Dangerous James Anderson, who took 1-12 off ten overs ten years ago at the WACA against Matt Hayden and Adam Gilchrist, how about them apples. And here we go.

2.52am GMT02:52

England has won the toss - and will bowl

Overcast conditions and the wicket’s been up-and-down, Eoin Morgan calls correctly and puts Australia in. Bet George Bailey will say they would’ve batted ... no, he says he doesn’t know. Says the wicket’s tacky and feels a bit swingy. He reckons it will quicken up later on.

But there you go. Australia to bat.

2.38am GMT02:38

Greetings, The People, and welcome to The WACA Ground in Perth for the tri-series final between Australia and England.

Normally a fast, bouncy but above-all true surface, the WACA (pronounced “whacker”, like The Bushwhackers) ground, it was a bit up-n-down on Friday when India scored 200 in 49 overs and England were 66-5.

Unseasonaly cool in Perth (this time of year it’s normally 42), and sprinkling a little, overcast. Could be swing, will be bounce, doesn’t look super-flash for batting. Which should mean:

Mitchell Johnson.

But also Mitchell Starc, the long, lithe and rangy left-armer has been slinging in venomous heaters, both sides of the wicket, all lengths, often unplayable, and caused none other than Wasim Akram to exclaim “My - he’s exactly like me!”

He didn’t say that. But he might’ve thought it, very occasionally.

Australia? No Shane Watson, but plenty enough batting fire-power in Aaron Finch, David Warner, Mitch Marsh, Glenn Maxwell and George Bailey. Brad Haddin, James Faulkner and Johnson can all whack like said Bushwhackers. Starc at 10 has a Test 99. The Aussies bat deep. Bowl deep. Should win.

Oh yes. Steve Smith.

The Poms? Probably not really expected to win this, which could set their minds free. Ian Bell scored 187 off 145 balls in Canberra against a decent Prime Minister’s XI (yes, old mate who knighted the Queen’s husband, how about him) then a duck in Hobart next game. But a high-class batsman, old Ding-dong Belly, and should he get himself in and be seeing the ball well, he’s a dangerous man .

Few other good ones: Joe Root, Eoin Morgan, Jos Buttler, Chris Woakes. All talented. And again, when a man’s mind is free, when he’s just playing cricket, that’s when Good Things happen.

And the quicks Stuart Broad, James Anderson and Steven Finn. Serious people. And on a wicket that could give them plenty, their battles early on with Finch and Warner should be rolled golden bullion.

But a winner? Have to be Australia. Form, nous, class, home ground ... funny game, cricket, as we know. And the Poms go okay. But: Australia.

I’m Matt Cleary. Join us back here at 11:20 local time, 14:20 in Australia’s eastern states, and 03:20 in latitudes marked by Greenwich Mean Time.

Updated at 3.06am GMT

2.30am GMT02:30

All the latest will appear here from 3.20am GMT.