The Republican guide to a happy marriage: eight easy rules for marital bliss

http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2015/aug/19/republican-guide-to-a-happy-marriage

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Why are Republicans more satisfied with their marriages?

According to a recent study, Republicans between 20 and 60 years of age are 67% more likely to be satisfied with their marriages than Democrats in that same demographic. So are there lessons Democrats struggling with marital woes could learn from their counterparts across the aisle?

Make the most of the available options

Right now the frontrunner in the Republican presidential race is an orange reality show villain, which to many on the left seems like absolute madness. What Democrats don’t know is that to a man dying of thirst in the desert, even rainwater sipped from the decaying corpse of a coyote is delicious. Many marital problems arise from spouses wondering if they settled or if they could have done better. Be happy with what you have, like Republicans are. That’s the key to marital bliss.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help

Admitting we aren’t up to a given task can seem like an admission of weakness, but learn from presidential candidate and Wisconsin governor Scott Walker. He could destroy labor and education on his own if he really tried, but he’s not too proud to accept enormous campaign donations from the Koch brothers, because he knows how important it is to make others feel valued.

Keep guns in the home

People who know their spouses are armed are probably more likely to let the little daily annoyances of co-habitation pass and fade unremarked upon.

Limited government

In most states, divorce is a legal action involving paperwork, lawyers and even a judge. No true Republican would ever allow that much government into their personal life.

Don’t overthink everything

Many marriages falter due to self-doubt and second-guessing. Republicans know, and often exemplify in bumper sticker form, that to stop thinking through any issue as soon as you find an angle on it you’re comfortable with can be the key to happiness.

Be optimistic

Jeb Bush believes the American economy can grow 4% a year, and it doesn’t matter if no one else believes it’s possible because Jeb knows that thinking positively makes people feel good. So the next time your spouse seems preoccupied with his phone during dinner, don’t assume he’s chatting with his high school sweetheart on Facebook even though he promised he’d stop; instead choose to believe he’s browsing Amazon, looking for a nice present to buy you.

Adherence to traditional values

Lying on a survey and insisting to strangers that everything is going well is one of the most treasured American traditions.

Fight the right way

It’s only natural that every couple is going to argue from time to time, but happy Republican couples know that disagreements can be valuable if viewed as opportunities to discover common ground. Look at the way so many Republican senators opposed to the nuclear deal with Iran have crossed the aisle to create reasonable alternatives everyone can be happy with. It would have been easy for these Republicans to work themselves into fervor and spout a lot of passionate hot air, but instead they did what’s right for everyone. Remember that the next time your spouse doesn’t like the paint you chose for the dining room.