Don’t criminalise sexting teenagers – mistakes are part of growing up
|
Version 0 of 1. Operation Yewtree has been, in many ways, a great force for good. It has shone a relentless spotlight on the evils that men did years ago, and the evils still being perpetrated now. It has made us brutally aware of institutional corruption that couldn’t have been imagined back in the 70s and 80s. And it’s put several ageing abusers behind bars. What accompanies it, however, is a culture of terror around “underage sexuality”. For many people, it is no longer possible to read that phrase without a shiver of revulsion, and a mental image of some leering 50-something, inviting drunk 13-year-olds back to his penthouse, or to recall the systematic rape and abuse of hundreds of very young girls in Rochdale – and other areas – by grooming gangs. Related: Boy, 14, added to police database after sexting female classmate naked image All of this happened, and still does. Sexual abuse has always been, and is, rife. But the key is “abuse” and how it’s defined. “Sexuality” is a different thing altogether. Becoming aware of the opposite sex, having, as Adrian Mole put it, “funny feelings” in your “thingy”, or snogging One Direction posters, suddenly realising that your body has undreamed-of powers to feel new, wonderful sensations, or attract someone you fancy – these things should, and can, be joyful. A few years ago, the advice to parents was to let adolescents “explore their sexuality”, while warning of the dangers of sexually transmitted disease and pregnancy; to avoid shaming or embarrassing them as they explored their new-found land, while protecting them from irresponsible yearnings – hence the legal age of consent. But our collective fear of abuse, and subsequent conflation of “underage sex” with “adults exploiting children” has transformed that sensible approach. The recording of a crime, in this context, is an inappropriate, shaming overreaction This week, a 14-year-old boy has had the crime of “making and recording indecent images” recorded against him, after he sent a naked selfie to a girl he fancied at school. It’s not recorded whether she encouraged this – but he sent it on Snapchat, an app that deletes photos after 10 seconds. Being a teenage girl with mates to amuse and/or horrify, she saved it and, somehow, it ended up being shared around the poor lad’s school. He was 14. As the mother of a son, I know that 14 is an age of hormonal turbulence, a time when adult needs and feelings collide violently with childhood, when kids experiment with identity, fashion, smoking, alcohol and, yes, sex. As parents, you hope you’ve crammed in enough warnings to stop them wrecking their lives entirely. But as people who were also 14 once, we may look back and remember the turmoil, the doubt, and the excitement too, of finally growing up. Related: A grown-up's guide to sexting (or, why you should stop worrying about what your teenagers get up to online) | Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett It’s true, of course, that the ravening beast of the internet was hardly a cub when I was that age, and that “sexting” was unheard of. But the beast is long out of its cave, and it would be naive to imagine that teenagers aren’t going to be its targets. Sending naked photos is something adults – probably unwisely – do all the time. But a recent poll found that 54% of under-18s had also sent or received a “sext” – mostly willingly. And while moral panic may be the natural response of modern society, as far as biology’s concerned, 500 years ago your 14-year-old baby would probably be married off and a father by now. Sending a blurry snap of your fledgling man-parts seems pretty tame in comparison. The recording of a crime, in this context, is an inappropriate, shaming overreaction. It won’t dissuade giddy adolescents from sexting one another. Emotionally it serves only to humiliate; while legally, the boy’s details could remain on the police database under “sex offences” for the next century. We are all horrified by the exploitation, abuse and harm associated with “underage sex”. That, unceasingly, must be tackled. But there’s another side, too – one that involves the silly mistakes and vulnerability of young teenagers, where an overbearing response can shame and humiliate them for years, just as they should be learning that sex is a source of joy. The right response, in situations like this, is a kind, parental chat, explaining boundaries, responsibility and the danger of sharing images. The wrong response is a fierce warning from the boys in blue, who would be better employed devoting their time to the tide of genuine abuse out there. |