Chastity can help us develop authentic sexuality in a hyper-sexual world
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Version 0 of 1. Chastity gets a pretty bad rap. It’s seen as a form of repression attached to religion, the retention of virginity, or the act of waiting for someone to whom you give part of yourself away. Related: Gay, straight, bi or none of the above? How to describe your sexuality But discussing chastity with parents, they express concerns about kids today being forced to participate in a hyper-sexualised culture, in which we’re encouraged to devour each other at a rapid pace. Parents wonder, like I do, if chastity should be re-introduced as an option to decline to participate in what today’s society demands. In one conversation I had to prepare for Tuesday’s IQ2 debate on chastity, I was told of a 12-year-old girl who had been ostracised from the “in group” at her school because she was the only one who had not participated in any kind of sexual act. She developed severe body image issues that led to self-harm. She began to cut herself to relieve the pain and anger she felt because she did not want to offer a classmate a blowjob, to sext someone or send naked images of herself. Whether we like to discuss it or not, children are becoming full-blown sexual beings during their primary school years. They are out there seeking the attention of others before they even get a chance to know themselves. Sex education is offered purely as a way to minimise risk: it educates children about how to have sex safely and how to prevent unwanted pregnancies. It does not present choosing not to take part at all in a positive light, as an alternative deserving of acceptance by a student’s peers. It should begin with a healthy relationship to self, with a focus on self-esteem and confidence. And while sex education begins in most schools in years five and six, the third stage of primary school, this is not congruent with the age children are likely to first be exposed to pornography; the internet completely changed that. I’m not talking about promoting repression or restricting sexual expression. What I am talking about is offering children a chance to develop their own authentic sexuality that grows out of who they are and their own personal experiences, rather than something defined by their smartphones. Can we possibly discover and engage a body-mindfulness approach for our children? One which slows things down by introducing the discovery of their own bodies with freedom, imagination and without the pressure to conform or perform? And could we dare to begin with a healthy approach to masturbation? We need to raise chastity out of the dark ages. It must no longer mean the keeping of one’s virginity or abstaining from sex. We need to reframe the practice and broaden its terms to embrace, support and encourage those who simply to do not want to participate in the debasing, fast-paced, disposable society we have become. In fact, let’s just take all the boundaries away. Let’s make sexuality about developing a strong sense of self. Let’s give our children and ourselves the option of discovering our authentic sexuality outside of the circus. Then let’s talk about merging sexuality with respect for ourselves first and then for one another. Related: Your sexual fantasies: the results are in So perhaps the future can include a fresh voice for chastity. Unlocking its belt, so to speak? And offering it as a choice of freedom to a somewhat voiceless group of individuals who, just like the 12-year-old who did not want to participate, deserve equal respect and support in their choices. Having sex and even expressing yourself sexually or not are in fact equally healthy choices. Particularly when they are your own. Imogen Bailey is a model, birth doula and asylum seeker resource centre ambassador. She is speaking at the IQ2 debate on 8 September in Sydney: Chastity will save the 21st century. Tickets available here. |