Close Encounters of the Red Kind as Tories size up Jeremy Corbyn at PMQs

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2015/sep/16/jeremy-corbyn-pmqs-close-encounters-of-the-red-kind

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Jeremy Corbyn had promised a new style of politics, with crowdsourced questions for his first head-to-head with David Cameron at prime minister’s questions. His own party certainly chose to give him a new style of welcome.

New leaders traditionally receive a near hysterical, order-paper-waving reception when they enter the Commons for their first PMQs. Corbyn walked in to near silence. This was taking Corbyn’s stated desire for anonymity just a little too literally.

Moments later the deputy leader, Tom Watson, sat down next to Corbyn, and he kept his back half turned away from his leader throughout. However much the rank and file of the Labour party have taken Corbyn to their hearts, it seems as if many of his own MPs are yet to feel the love.

It didn’t immediately look as if things were going to get much better when Tory Gordon Henderson opened with a pointed reference to Corbyn’s failure to sing the national anthem at the previous day’s Battle of Britain commemorations.

Dave stifled a snigger before remembering he was rather committed to a new grownup PMQs – at least for this week. “Most of us were able to pay tribute,” he said, keeping his fingers crossed that Corbyn had merely been keeping his powder dry and hadn’t been booked to lead the singing of God Save the Queen and Jerusalem with Katherine Jenkins at Twickenham for the opening of the Rugby World Cup on Friday.

The man himself began with more of a statement than a question. “People have said to me that PMQs has become too theatrical and out of touch,” he said. “They want their voice heard. I’m sure the prime minister will welcome that.”

At best, Cameron looked ambivalent as Corbyn dug his hand into his Santa sack of 40,000 emails and produced a question from Marie about the housing shortage. Dave was quick to namecheck Marie for the brilliance of her question and assured Marie that he supported her aspirations. Whatever they were.

Next out the bag was Stephen who was worried about job cuts in housing associations. Dave couldn’t have been more eager to reassure Stephen that his job was safe. More or less.

And so it went on with questions from Paul, Clare, Angela and Gail, and Dave falling over himself to show that Paul, Clare, Angela and Gail were the first people he thought about when he woke up in the morning and the last people on his mind before he went to bed at night.

The new politics was working surprisingly well for Jeremy. After days of bad headlines, the prime minister could hardly mock the new Labour leader for asking stupid questions. Nor could he resort to his standard tactics of blaming Labour for everything, since engaging with members of the public by saying everything is basically someone else’s fault looks ideologically bankrupt and generally only ever ends in disaster.

Indeed, Cameron looked just as nonplussed by Corbyn as he was by his style of questioning. It was as if he hadn’t quite worked out whether to pigeonhole him as a joke token beardy lefty or a serious threat who is a great deal more savvy than he lets on. For the moment, the entire government frontbench has settled for peering at Jezza as if he is a visitor from the planet Zog. Close Encounters of the Red Kind.

While thrilled that their man was doing rather better than many had feared, some Labour backbenchers did begin to get a bit twitchy that Dave was getting off a bit more lightly than they had hoped.

The problem of Corbyn treating PMQs as a substitute radio phone-in was that it allowed the prime minister to do exactly the same. Dave has had years of practice of swatting away local radio callers with long, waffly soundbites that sound like answers but are actually just air filler. Press one for housing, press two for tax credits and three for mental health. Hello caller. Are you still there?

Just how long Jez and Dave can keep up this polite, third-party style of PMQs is another matter. The suspicion is that Corbyn’s resolve may be rather stronger; you don’t spend 32 years on the backbenches without learning the meaning of patience. Dave’s certainly seemed ready to crack the moment Corbyn sat down as he greeted the SNP’s Angus Robertson with his traditional contempt and dismissiveness.

Yet no one could say that Dave wasn’t basically all heart. The eccentric Andrew Turner, Tory MP for the Isle of Wight, was desperate to know whether the prime minister shared his pain at the difficulties his local zoo was having in importing a tiger from Belgium.

“I had a constituency case exactly like this, when the Cotswold wildlife park wanted to bring in a rhino,” Dave gulped, wiping the tears from his eye. “I intervened, and I am delighted to say that the Cotswold wildlife park named the rhino Nancy, in honour of my daughter.”

Somehow Andrew the tiger didn’t have the same ring. Though Corbyn’s ears did prick up at this exchange. It could just be that the first question at the next PMQs will be from Nancy the rhino, asking why Dave has stopped taking such a close interest in her housing conditions.