My dog is my wingman

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/oct/02/my-dog-is-my-wingman

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When I decided to adopt Mindy, my five-and-a-half-year-old cockapoo, my parents were furious. They rarely get mad at me, so this was epic.

“This is going to drastically limit your social life”, my dad admonished me. “You’re always going to have to go home to walk her, so you will never be able to make spontaneous plans.” This was the first time I’d ever heard him encourage me to be spontaneous.

But the reality, five years later, is that bringing Mindy Sparkle into my world has done quite the opposite. She steals the hearts of everyone she meets, not least people I am evaluating as potential boyfriend/adopted-father-of-my-dog material. I’ve come to think of Mindy as my partner in crime, the butter to my bread – we’re an inseparable duo. You could say she’s my wingwoman.

Pickup lines can be creative or forward. In fact, men trying super cheesy ones amuse me to no end. But I’m covertly shy, so I depend on Mindy’s furry paws and cute black button nose to speak for me.

She’s flawless in her interactions with potential suitors. First, she notices that for some reason they have my attention. Maybe I’m looking too long at them, or maybe I invited them to come walk my dog with me, which is really code for, “If you like her and she likes you, I’d be very willing to spend more time with you.”

Once she realizes a man is occupying my attention, she makes her move. She starts by jumping on their legs as if she was prancing on her hind legs and their thighs just happened to be her landing pad. She then proceeds to slide down the shins to the shoes until she is on her back waiting for a belly rub. Once satisfied that the person wearing the shoes she is laying on is sufficiently in love with her, she bounces up and sits, politely wagging her tail and staring up into the eyes of the guy she hopes will become her adopted parent and make our duo more packlike.

The results of my wingdog’s tactics are surprising. For example, there was the guy who would send me pictures of the water bowl he kept for her at his house. When we ended things, I stated that he like Mindy more than me, and he nodded sheepishly. He still sends me the occasional text of things that remind him of her. A more long-term boyfriend tried to convince me that he should get to keep Mindy when we split. I quickly reminded him that he had never paid a vet bill of hers. Clearly, the pup creates strong bonds with people.

However, Mindy plays favorites, and I completely trust her judgment. If she doesn’t want someone to pet her, it is obvious that they just don’t have a soul. If someone doesn’t like her, I automatically question their taste and am less into them.

She greets people she knows differently depending on who they are. Each of my friends has their own secret pawshake with her. Upon running into Elise, she will not stop until she is jumping all over her with joy. When she sees Timaree, her whole butt wiggles, but when she sees Ariana, she stands up on her hind legs. Julia invokes a very calm, very close seat, usually perched on top of the back of the couch where Julia is leaning, as if Mindy were a parrot on her shoulder. She bats at Kat and Coco with her paws as if she were a cat.

Over the course of the time, she’s been the watchdog of my heart; I’ve fallen in love, or something close to it, with two different people. Her greetings for them even before I knew how special they were going to be were different than everyone else’s. She made noises that she doesn’t normally make, sort of a whine. She’d follow them around watching their every move while wagging her little nub of a tail. She just knew.

Related: 25 ways you know your dog loves you (and that they’re better than cats) | Bella Mackie

Everyone wants to say they know exactly how to date. I don’t know exactly how, but it is way more fun as long as Mindy Sparkle’s got my back.