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George the Builder and the big Tory plan to fix Britain brick by brick George the Builder and the big Tory plan to fix Britain brick by brick
(about 1 hour later)
Everywhere you looked, there were ghosts. In the 45-minute queue snaking its way round Manchester city centre as delegates were given the Ryanair treatment, there was the ghost of the Conservatives’ 1979 Labour isn’t working election poster. Neither is the Tory conference. There wasn’t even a VIP entrance for tax non-doms or party donors, but as Lord Ashcroft has decided to make himself scarce during the week his Dave hatchet job is published, perhaps there was no need.Everywhere you looked, there were ghosts. In the 45-minute queue snaking its way round Manchester city centre as delegates were given the Ryanair treatment, there was the ghost of the Conservatives’ 1979 Labour isn’t working election poster. Neither is the Tory conference. There wasn’t even a VIP entrance for tax non-doms or party donors, but as Lord Ashcroft has decided to make himself scarce during the week his Dave hatchet job is published, perhaps there was no need.
In the choice of Andrea Jenkyns, the Tory MP who took Ed Balls’ seat at the general election, to introduce George Osborne, there was the ghost of the shadow chancellor. Indeed, the ghost of Balls remained on stage throughout, as the chancellor claimed two of his former adversary’s policies, the creation of a national infrastructure committee and the changes in business rates, as his own. “I am thy father’s spirit, Doom’d for a certain term to walk the night ...”, as Hamlet’s father’s ghost said. In the choice of Andrea Jenkyns, the Tory MP who took Ed Balls’ seat at the general election, to introduce George Osborne, there was the ghost of the shadow chancellor. Indeed, the ghost of Balls remained on stage throughout, as the chancellor claimed two of his former adversary’s policies, the creation of a national infrastructure committee and the changes in business rates, as his own. “I am thy father’s spirit, Doom’d for a certain term to walk the night ... ”, as Hamlet’s father’s ghost said.
Related: Osborne to allow local councils to keep £26bn raised from business ratesRelated: Osborne to allow local councils to keep £26bn raised from business rates
But then Osborne also appears doomed to walk the night. Seldom has the chancellor looked more spectral. You would have thought by now that the Tories could find a makeup artist capable of making George look less nocturnal, but maybe some faces are immune to rouge.But then Osborne also appears doomed to walk the night. Seldom has the chancellor looked more spectral. You would have thought by now that the Tories could find a makeup artist capable of making George look less nocturnal, but maybe some faces are immune to rouge.
Osborne’s speech had come billed as an early marker for a leadership bid and some of his initial remarks insisting on his deep Dave-love suggested his mind was partly fixed on a post-Dave world. Just so long as he can keep his hands off Sam Cam: boasting of his past form for nicking his supposed best friend’s girlfriends in a Sunday newspaper interview is likely to have put Dave on high alert.Osborne’s speech had come billed as an early marker for a leadership bid and some of his initial remarks insisting on his deep Dave-love suggested his mind was partly fixed on a post-Dave world. Just so long as he can keep his hands off Sam Cam: boasting of his past form for nicking his supposed best friend’s girlfriends in a Sunday newspaper interview is likely to have put Dave on high alert.
Retaining Dave’s trust may be rather easier than gaining that of the electorate. The minimum voters generally require of their politicians is that they are visibly alive; George struggled to look better than half-dead during his 45 minutes under the lights, and even his attempts to put some distance between himself and Dave’s silver spoon fell victim to his whiteout. Retaining Dave’s trust may be rather easier than gaining that of the electorate. What the minimum voters generally require of their politicians is that they are visibly alive; George struggled to look better than half-dead during his 45 minutes under the lights, and even his attempts to put some distance between himself and Dave’s silver spoon fell victim to his whiteout.
After talking of his hand-to-mouth upbringing in the badlands of central London – Notting Hill – he went on to say he had really become aware that there was a world outside the capital when he drew the short straw of a northern constituency. Albeit one with a safe Tory majority. And as a result, he was determined to build a northern powerhouse. After talking of his hand-to-mouth upbringing in the badlands of central London – Notting Hill – he went on to say he had become aware that there was a world outside the capital when he drew the short straw of a northern constituency. Albeit one with a safe Tory majority. And as a result, he was determined to build a northern powerhouse.
“We are the builders,” said George the Builder, as the ghost of Nye Bevan, who first used that phrase in 1945, span in its grave. But could he fix it? George wasn’t too bothered one way or another, just so long as he built something.“We are the builders,” said George the Builder, as the ghost of Nye Bevan, who first used that phrase in 1945, span in its grave. But could he fix it? George wasn’t too bothered one way or another, just so long as he built something.
Poor old Patrick McLoughlin, the transport secretary, whose brief had been limited to filling in potholes in marginal constituencies under the previous government, now found himself completely upstaged as George the Builder promised to single-handedly construct a new runway at Heathrow, several high-speed rail links, a dozen nuclear power stations, a new car park outside the Asda in Taunton and several million houses. With a little help from the Chinese, who had been given first option on buying some Lloyds bank shares the government was selling off cheap. Poor old Patrick McLoughlin, the transport secretary, whose brief had been limited to filling in potholes in marginal constituencies under the previous government, now found himself completely upstaged as George the Builder promised to single-handedly construct a new runway at Heathrow, several high-speed rail links, a dozen nuclear power stations, a new car park outside the Asda in Taunton and several million houses. Albeit with a little help from the Chinese, who had been given first option on buying some Lloyds bank shares the government was selling off cheap.
George the Builder was a little vaguer on who was going to be buying all these houses, other than to suggest that everyone’s pockets were going to be overflowing with cash once the government had stopped handing out tax credits.George the Builder was a little vaguer on who was going to be buying all these houses, other than to suggest that everyone’s pockets were going to be overflowing with cash once the government had stopped handing out tax credits.
Before one or two of the sharper financial pencils in the audience had time to think through the maths, George the Builder launched his coup de théâtre. It is a very brave or very dim chancellor that ends their keynote speech talking about local government finance, as most people understand next to nothing about it and care even less. You can make your own mind up about which category George the Builder falls into. Perhaps the rules of the game have changed now Labour and the Conservatives are under the impression that anyone who didn’t vote for Jeremy Corbyn is in fact a Tory.Before one or two of the sharper financial pencils in the audience had time to think through the maths, George the Builder launched his coup de théâtre. It is a very brave or very dim chancellor that ends their keynote speech talking about local government finance, as most people understand next to nothing about it and care even less. You can make your own mind up about which category George the Builder falls into. Perhaps the rules of the game have changed now Labour and the Conservatives are under the impression that anyone who didn’t vote for Jeremy Corbyn is in fact a Tory.
Related: Osborne: typical family to be £2,000 better off despite cuts to tax creditsRelated: Osborne: typical family to be £2,000 better off despite cuts to tax credits
For how long is another matter, as George the Builder declared that local councils would be allowed to keep every penny they raise in business rates. The race to the bottom was now on. For London, it would be full steam ahead, and the northern powerhouse might shine on like a crazy diamond in those pockets where wealth was being generated.For how long is another matter, as George the Builder declared that local councils would be allowed to keep every penny they raise in business rates. The race to the bottom was now on. For London, it would be full steam ahead, and the northern powerhouse might shine on like a crazy diamond in those pockets where wealth was being generated.
But huge areas of the country would be turned into industrial and rural ghostlands. Places to which George could happily retire and listen to NWA, recently cited as one of his favourite live acts. “Cause I’m tha type o’ nigga that’s built ta last/If ya fuck wit me I’ll put a foot in ya ass.” That’s George the Builder for you. Keeping it real, right to the last.But huge areas of the country would be turned into industrial and rural ghostlands. Places to which George could happily retire and listen to NWA, recently cited as one of his favourite live acts. “Cause I’m tha type o’ nigga that’s built ta last/If ya fuck wit me I’ll put a foot in ya ass.” That’s George the Builder for you. Keeping it real, right to the last.