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Are you ready for the apocalypse? $284 says you are Are you ready for the apocalypse? $284 says you are
(35 minutes later)
I’m a big fan of the Walking Dead – I like it when they go creeping about abandoned houses; it reminds me of my babysitting years – and over the past few weeks I have caught up on three seasons. I’m also reading Station Eleven, the National Book Award shortlisted novel by Emily St John Mandel, about a flu epidemic that wipes out civilisation. And from my apartment, I can see the two towers of the Time Warner Center, which in the opening scenes of Cloverfield, the JJ Abrams disaster movie, were toppled by a giant monster.I’m a big fan of the Walking Dead – I like it when they go creeping about abandoned houses; it reminds me of my babysitting years – and over the past few weeks I have caught up on three seasons. I’m also reading Station Eleven, the National Book Award shortlisted novel by Emily St John Mandel, about a flu epidemic that wipes out civilisation. And from my apartment, I can see the two towers of the Time Warner Center, which in the opening scenes of Cloverfield, the JJ Abrams disaster movie, were toppled by a giant monster.
Related: Why zombies are the coldest comfort | Catherine ShoardRelated: Why zombies are the coldest comfort | Catherine Shoard
As a result of all this, and after a recent fire in my apartment building, I have been thinking about how to survive a catastrophe. People who lived in New York during 9/11 bought duct tape and water bottles in the days that followed, but most of us are complacent now. (By far my Most Prepared friend, after being evacuated from her office in midtown, went straight to an off-licence and bought bottles of hard liquor, figuring that if society collapsed, you can always trade booze).As a result of all this, and after a recent fire in my apartment building, I have been thinking about how to survive a catastrophe. People who lived in New York during 9/11 bought duct tape and water bottles in the days that followed, but most of us are complacent now. (By far my Most Prepared friend, after being evacuated from her office in midtown, went straight to an off-licence and bought bottles of hard liquor, figuring that if society collapsed, you can always trade booze).
It’s harder than you think to put together an emergency kit, particularly if you turn to the internet for help. Very quickly you get into survivalist territory and before you can say bowie knife, find yourself in the company of Aryan Brotherhood-types, dispensing tips on how to decorate your whites-only bunker.It’s harder than you think to put together an emergency kit, particularly if you turn to the internet for help. Very quickly you get into survivalist territory and before you can say bowie knife, find yourself in the company of Aryan Brotherhood-types, dispensing tips on how to decorate your whites-only bunker.
This is, however, America, where you can outsource everything, and pretty quickly I found a deluxe trauma kit for $284 – I’d want a blow-up doctor for that price – and a “baby emergency kit” which, although a “perfect baby shower gift”, seemed not to pertain to the apocalypse. (I suppose you could stab a zombie with the nail scissors, but I don’t see the nasal aspirator doing much good, unless your emergency was a sand storm.) For $30,000, you can go all out on a deluxe office kit, with supplies for 1,000 people and a “complete toilet system”.This is, however, America, where you can outsource everything, and pretty quickly I found a deluxe trauma kit for $284 – I’d want a blow-up doctor for that price – and a “baby emergency kit” which, although a “perfect baby shower gift”, seemed not to pertain to the apocalypse. (I suppose you could stab a zombie with the nail scissors, but I don’t see the nasal aspirator doing much good, unless your emergency was a sand storm.) For $30,000, you can go all out on a deluxe office kit, with supplies for 1,000 people and a “complete toilet system”.
I gave up in the end and, deciding that owning a rucksack was in itself highly organised and commendable, stuffed it full of baby formula, diapers, wipes and bottles, enough to get my children through a long lunch in a restaurant with poor facilities. It’s a start.I gave up in the end and, deciding that owning a rucksack was in itself highly organised and commendable, stuffed it full of baby formula, diapers, wipes and bottles, enough to get my children through a long lunch in a restaurant with poor facilities. It’s a start.
Here’s Hillar-ious ClintonHere’s Hillar-ious Clinton
The Democratic debate on Tuesday night pitched Hillary Clinton against Bernie Saunders and a handful of non-entities and the consensus is that she aced it. Not only was she the most knowledge candidate on stage, she was also pretty likable. A few days earlier, something even more amazing happened: Clinton was genuinely funny. During a Buzzfeed podcast, the anchor asked the senator to reveal the weirdest thing about her. The Democratic debate on Tuesday night pitched Hillary Clinton against Bernie Saunders and a handful of non-entities and the consensus is that she aced it. Not only was she the most knowledgeable candidate on stage, she was also pretty likable. A few days earlier, something even more amazing happened: Clinton was genuinely funny. During a Buzzfeed podcast, the anchor asked the senator to reveal the weirdest thing about her.
“The weirdest thing about me is that I don’t sweat,” said Clinton. “Obviously,” her interviewer responded. “Best argument for Hillary as a robot – zero sweat.” And she was off: “You guys are the first to realise that I’m really not even a human being. I was constructed in a garage in Palo Alto a very long time ago. People think that, you know, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, they created it. Oh no. I mean, a man whose name shall remain nameless created me in his garage.” This was a well-executed joke! Why doesn’t she do it more?“The weirdest thing about me is that I don’t sweat,” said Clinton. “Obviously,” her interviewer responded. “Best argument for Hillary as a robot – zero sweat.” And she was off: “You guys are the first to realise that I’m really not even a human being. I was constructed in a garage in Palo Alto a very long time ago. People think that, you know, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, they created it. Oh no. I mean, a man whose name shall remain nameless created me in his garage.” This was a well-executed joke! Why doesn’t she do it more?
Gutless gun crime Tanking on gender stereotypes
Every time there’s another school or college massacre in the US, as there was in Oregon last week, people with young kids and foreign passports talk about leaving. Not everyone who lives here feels vulnerable, however. A friend who works in a big high school in the Bronx takes her 10th graders through regular lock-down drills, which, she says, they always treat as a joke. It’s a tough, inner-city school with metal detectors on the doors, the kind of place, say her students, that white men with guns who pick on small children in the suburbs wouldn’t dare to attack. It’s never good to tempt fate, but they are right about one thing; the unifying detail in all these shootings is cowardice. During the debate, Clinton won her biggest cheer for making a point about a woman’s right to choose. If she becomes president, perhaps the makers of Thomas the Tank Engine will finally retire the episode in which Emily, the only female engine who appears with any regularity, is tasked to do the laundry on Sodor, and when she complains, taught a valuable lesson about team spirit. It popped up on TV the other day and my pre-verbal daughters were treated to a long disquisition on gender stereotypes. Feminist disaster averted.