Mrs Cameron’s diary: OMG Dave’s lining up the Fartmeister to reform the Lords

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/oct/30/mrs-camerons-diary-reform-lords-david

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Well Dave’s like, babes, remember Tommy Strathclyde? I’m like, who? He’s like, yanno as in hereditary, led us in Lords, resigned? I’m like soz, not a clue. He’s like, c’mon, you MUST, that single mother with Sancerre & something else beginning with S – got it, Sainsbury’s Taste the Difference smoked salmon? I’m like OMG – the FARTMEISTER, of course, hilairness, how long has it been, he’s like, so do we have his number? I’m like, why, does somebody need a party entertainer, omigod remember him lighting matches on that human pyramid with Pickles and Fatty Soames #bless #skills #goodtimes?

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Dave’s like, no, I want him to reform the House of Lords. I’m like excuse me *unthinking tribal loyalty face* Mummy will be so hurt, what about Willie? Dave’s like, soz babes, judgment call, appearancewise I need someone whose achievements & objectivity totes inspire public confidence? I’m like, well is not Camila Batmanghelidjh free #ultimateinspo, I am in awe of her energy and commitment, he’s like, IKR, unfort there is a budget? I’m like, so get Yentob to supervise as soon as he has finished his next batch of expenses? Dave’s like, unfort there is no time to lose, the Lords must be stopped pronto from ever again breaking centuries of precious something or other, I’m like, tradition?, he’s like correct, bloody Oik #typical. I’m like FFS, what has he done NOW?

Dave’s like, let’s just say the Lords need a refurb by Christmas & it is like builders, at this stage it is either an unemployed local bodger, eg the Fartmeister, or a skilled Bulgarian who’s never done an upper chamber before? Well unfort the Bulgarian was already doing someone’s bathroom but the Fartmeister was totes thrilled to get the work #bless Dave’s like when can you start, he’s like, let me check, apols, not till lunchtime, but are you sure nobody will remember ME overturning centuries of whatever in 2008, that Brown finance thing #awk? Dave’s like, not as much as the Sancerre #bantz. The Fartmeister’s like, so what do I say? Dave’s like, that they behaved wrongly? The FM’s like *hereditary peer face* doesn’t everybody, Dave’s like, OK, & deplorably, unnecessarily, gleefully & capriciously, & big ask, Tommy, try not to laugh when you say it.