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Bonfire of vanities as parties grab their prizes Bonfire of vanities as parties grab their prizes
(about 4 hours later)
“Er, lovely to meet you Mr Sisi,” said David Cameron upon the Egyptian president’s arrival at Downing Street. “I’m terribly sorry to have had to ground all British planes flying in and out of Sharm el-Sheikh but as it happens I’ve got to ground you for half an hour or so as I’ve got important affairs of state to attend to. But I’ll leave the TV on in the sitting-room for you and if you could try not to execute any of the protesters outside in Whitehall while I’m away I’d be very grateful. Slaters.” “Er, lovely to meet you, Mr Sisi,” said David Cameron upon the Egyptian president’s arrival at Downing Street. “I’m terribly sorry to have had to ground all British planes flying in and out of Sharm el-Sheikh, but as it happens, I’ve got to ground you for half an hour or so as I’ve got important affairs of state to attend to. But I’ll leave the TV on in the sitting-room for you, and if you could try not to execute any of the protesters outside in Whitehall while I’m away, I’d be very grateful. Slaters.”
With that the prime minister leapt into his limo to make the short journey along the Embankment to the Savoy where he was due to collect his Parliamentarian of the Year prize at the Spectator’s annual Westminster awards lunch. With that, the prime minister leapt into his limo to make the short journey along the Embankment to the Savoy, where he was due to collect his Parliamentarian of the Year prize at the Spectator’s annual Westminster awards lunch. It was an award, the magazine’s editor, Fraser Nelson, pointed out with razor sharp double-edges, that had been earned for winning a general election which Cameron himself had been so certain he would lose, he had already written his resignation speech before the announcement of the results.
It was an award, the magazine’s editor, Fraser Nelson, pointed out with razor sharp double-edges, that had been earned for winning a general election which Cameron himself had been so certain he would lose he had already written his resignation speech before the announcement of the results. Still, an award is an award, and the prime minister is in no position to turn down any piece of good news that comes his way right now. To be fair, he was sufficiently concerned about the situation in Sharm el-Sheikh to turn up a bit late, though that might have been just as well, as it allowed him to miss a pig’s head knob gag from last year’s winner, Alex Salmond. The former leader of the SNP has a curious relationship with Westminster: he never misses the chance to knock it, but he also never misses an opportunity to enjoy its largesse.
Still, an award is an award and the prime minister is in no position to turn down any piece of good news that comes his way right now. To be fair, he was sufficiently concerned about the situation in Sharm el-Sheikh to turn up a bit late, though that might have been just as well as it allowed him to miss a pig’s head knob gag from last year’s winner, Alex Salmond. The former leader of the SNP has a curious relationship with Westminster: he never misses the chance to knock it, but he also never misses an opportunity to enjoy its largesse.
The briefness of Cameron’s visit also meant he didn’t have as much time as he might have liked to catch up with his old friend and communications director, Andy Coulson, who was seated tantalisingly close to his former boss on table eight.The briefness of Cameron’s visit also meant he didn’t have as much time as he might have liked to catch up with his old friend and communications director, Andy Coulson, who was seated tantalisingly close to his former boss on table eight.
No words were officially exchanged between the two, though Cameron did mouth something towards his old mucker that sounded suspiciously like “so sorry not to have seen you for a while, we must catch up soon, leave a message on my voicemail – and don’t worry too much about your community service work, when Theresa’s surveillance bill comes in you will get a formal pardon. LOLS X”. No words were officially exchanged between the two, though Cameron did mouth something towards his old mucker that sounded suspiciously like, “So sorry not to have seen you for a while. We must catch up soon. Leave a message on my voicemail – and don’t worry too much about your community service work. When Theresa’s surveillance bill comes in, you will get a formal pardon. LOLS X.”
Coulson tried to get up to reply but a loud screech rang through the Riverside Room. Those electronic tags can be such a nuisance. Coulson tried to get up to reply, but a loud screech rang through the Riverside Room. Those electronic tags can be such a nuisance.
That the months since the general election haven’t been the land of milk and honey Cameron may have expected was reflected in the choice of energy minister, Amber Rudd, as Minister of the Year. With virtually every other member of the cabinet having ruled themselves out through complacency, incompetence and hubris, Rudd was the last woman standing. The way things are going for the Tories right now, her award almost guarantees that the lights will be going out over England between now and Christmas.That the months since the general election haven’t been the land of milk and honey Cameron may have expected was reflected in the choice of energy minister, Amber Rudd, as Minister of the Year. With virtually every other member of the cabinet having ruled themselves out through complacency, incompetence and hubris, Rudd was the last woman standing. The way things are going for the Tories right now, her award almost guarantees that the lights will be going out over England between now and Christmas.
Jeremy Corbyn declined to collect his award for Campaigner of the Year, allowing Diane Abbott to pick it up instead. Try keeping her away. The lights! The cameras! The action!Jeremy Corbyn declined to collect his award for Campaigner of the Year, allowing Diane Abbott to pick it up instead. Try keeping her away. The lights! The cameras! The action!
The audience was then treated to a well intentioned lecture from Lady Meacher and Lady Hollis who were awarded their gongs as Peers of the Year for voting down the chancellor’s tax cuts. Though the Savoy might not have been the most appropriate location to remind everyone of the importance of looking after the poor. The audience was then treated to a well-intentioned lecture from Lady Meacher and Lady Hollis, who were awarded their gongs as Peers of the Year for voting down the chancellor’s tax cuts. Though the Savoy might not have been the most appropriate location to remind everyone of the importance of looking after the poor.
With the Tories’ Johnny Mercer having disappointed everyone by making the worst speech of the year for the Best Speech of the Year award, it was left to Michael Gove to send everyone home happy with a speech of genuine wit and sparkle.With the Tories’ Johnny Mercer having disappointed everyone by making the worst speech of the year for the Best Speech of the Year award, it was left to Michael Gove to send everyone home happy with a speech of genuine wit and sparkle.
Gove is an old hand at this and picks up an award almost every year in recognition of his crowd pleasing skills. The trouble was the justice minister and former chief whip hasn’t exactly covered himself in glory over the past 12 months (as Gove himself acknowledged). Thankfully, the Speccie had this covered by inventing a new award category, the Guy Fawkes award. Make that the Bonfire of the Vanities. Gove is an old hand at this, and picks up an award almost every year in recognition of his crowd-pleasing skills. The trouble was, the justice minister and former chief whip hasn’t exactly covered himself in glory over the past 12 months (as Gove himself acknowledged). Thankfully, the Speccie had this covered by inventing a new award category, the Guy Fawkes award. Make that the Bonfire of the Vanities.