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| The economy is one big yawn for 'Mogadon' Mark Carney | The economy is one big yawn for 'Mogadon' Mark Carney |
| (2 days later) | |
| It is a trademark Canadian drawl that elides not just words and sentences, but decades too. | It is a trademark Canadian drawl that elides not just words and sentences, but decades too. |
| “Thepressureonindependencegloballyhasincreasedpleasedtosaynationalauditofficeoversightpolicyoperationalletmegotodifficultyfirstentranceriskoftaileventsheadwindsdissipateinterestratesmorestimulative,” purred Mogadon “Mañana” Mark Carney. | “Thepressureonindependencegloballyhasincreasedpleasedtosaynationalauditofficeoversightpolicyoperationalletmegotodifficultyfirstentranceriskoftaileventsheadwindsdissipateinterestratesmorestimulative,” purred Mogadon “Mañana” Mark Carney. |
| Within five minutes, Andrew Tyrie, the Treasury select committee chairman, had already begun to regret ever having asked the Bank of England governor if George Osborne had taken to leaning on him. “In a nutshell, what you’re saying is ...” Tyrie said. Mogadon “Mañana” Mark raised one hooded lid a fraction of a centimetre: Russian dolls, not nutshells, are more his style. Tyrie was undeterred. “... There is nothing to worry about.” | Within five minutes, Andrew Tyrie, the Treasury select committee chairman, had already begun to regret ever having asked the Bank of England governor if George Osborne had taken to leaning on him. “In a nutshell, what you’re saying is ...” Tyrie said. Mogadon “Mañana” Mark raised one hooded lid a fraction of a centimetre: Russian dolls, not nutshells, are more his style. Tyrie was undeterred. “... There is nothing to worry about.” |
| “ThatswhatIsaiddude,” replied Mogadon “Mañana” Mark, horrified at the suggestion he might ever be worried about anything. | “ThatswhatIsaiddude,” replied Mogadon “Mañana” Mark, horrified at the suggestion he might ever be worried about anything. |
| Carney could well be the first art installation to get the top job at the Bank of England. Ever since he took over more than two years ago he has managed to get almost every prediction wrong while doing as little as possible other than to say that, after careful reflection, he has concluded interest rates should stay exactly the same for another few months. Mogadon “Mañana” Mark is a miracle of economic and comic genius by always being right at the same time as always being wrong. A contradiction of creative nihilism. | Carney could well be the first art installation to get the top job at the Bank of England. Ever since he took over more than two years ago he has managed to get almost every prediction wrong while doing as little as possible other than to say that, after careful reflection, he has concluded interest rates should stay exactly the same for another few months. Mogadon “Mañana” Mark is a miracle of economic and comic genius by always being right at the same time as always being wrong. A contradiction of creative nihilism. |
| Nothing fazes Mogadon “Mañana” Mark, for whom life is one long, unhurried green ski run just outside Calgary; ot even the Conservative Steve Baker, enquiring why inflation was so much lower than he had anticipated. | Nothing fazes Mogadon “Mañana” Mark, for whom life is one long, unhurried green ski run just outside Calgary; ot even the Conservative Steve Baker, enquiring why inflation was so much lower than he had anticipated. |
| “Therearepotentiallycontradictingtimehorizons,” Carney said, for a moment coming over all Captain Kirk. What you had to understand, man, was that the economy was, like, really heavy and operated on its own space-time continuum. | “Therearepotentiallycontradictingtimehorizons,” Carney said, for a moment coming over all Captain Kirk. What you had to understand, man, was that the economy was, like, really heavy and operated on its own space-time continuum. |
| “Allelementsofaforecastareacollectivejudgmentmaybehigherthanweassumedallthingsbeingequalthoughallthingsmaynotnecessarilybeequal.” | “Allelementsofaforecastareacollectivejudgmentmaybehigherthanweassumedallthingsbeingequalthoughallthingsmaynotnecessarilybeequal.” |
| “That’s some help,” Tyrie declared hopefully. | “That’s some help,” Tyrie declared hopefully. |
| “Justdon’ttalktomeaboutnegativeinterestratesbecauseidon’tdonegative.” | “Justdon’ttalktomeaboutnegativeinterestratesbecauseidon’tdonegative.” |
| One person who does do negative in a positive kind of way is Andrew Haldane, the Bank of England’s chief economist, who gave a speech earlier in the year in which he thrilled himself with visions of negative interest rates and the abolition of money. “You said interest rates were lower now than they had ever been,” said Baker. | One person who does do negative in a positive kind of way is Andrew Haldane, the Bank of England’s chief economist, who gave a speech earlier in the year in which he thrilled himself with visions of negative interest rates and the abolition of money. “You said interest rates were lower now than they had ever been,” said Baker. |
| “Let me clarify that,” Haldane interrupted. “I have since gone through the figures and I can confidently say interest rates are at their lowest since Babylonian times.” A glimmer of a sneer crossed Mogadon “Mañana” Mark’s face; for a proper economist, such as himself, five millennia can quite literally be the blinking of an eye. | “Let me clarify that,” Haldane interrupted. “I have since gone through the figures and I can confidently say interest rates are at their lowest since Babylonian times.” A glimmer of a sneer crossed Mogadon “Mañana” Mark’s face; for a proper economist, such as himself, five millennia can quite literally be the blinking of an eye. |
| Baker stepped in to head off a fight. “I have a 31-page rebuttal of your entire thesis from your former university tutor,” he said. | Baker stepped in to head off a fight. “I have a 31-page rebuttal of your entire thesis from your former university tutor,” he said. |
| “Is this sado-economics,” asked Tyrie. It wasn’t clear if he was referring to Haldane’s thesis or Baker’s line of questioning. | “Is this sado-economics,” asked Tyrie. It wasn’t clear if he was referring to Haldane’s thesis or Baker’s line of questioning. |
| “The thing is ...” said Haldane, scrabbling around for ideas. And a little self-respect. “The view that was my view is not necessarily my view ...” The thing was that two negatives made a positive, for if inflation was rising more negatively than the rate at which people could save, then saving would be an attractive option as you would lose money more slowly. Haldane looked up, expectantly. | “The thing is ...” said Haldane, scrabbling around for ideas. And a little self-respect. “The view that was my view is not necessarily my view ...” The thing was that two negatives made a positive, for if inflation was rising more negatively than the rate at which people could save, then saving would be an attractive option as you would lose money more slowly. Haldane looked up, expectantly. |
| “Thethingis,” said Mogadon “Mañana” Mark, unexpectedly coming to his rescue, “it’salltoosoonandwedon’tdopiecebypieceanalysisbecause ...” He didn’t say why he didn’t do piece by piece because he didn’t need to. It was all just too much hassle. Put two economists in a room together and you get three answers; put one economist in a room and you get four. No one knew anything for sure. Ever. End of. Everything was just a bit of a guess. | “Thethingis,” said Mogadon “Mañana” Mark, unexpectedly coming to his rescue, “it’salltoosoonandwedon’tdopiecebypieceanalysisbecause ...” He didn’t say why he didn’t do piece by piece because he didn’t need to. It was all just too much hassle. Put two economists in a room together and you get three answers; put one economist in a room and you get four. No one knew anything for sure. Ever. End of. Everything was just a bit of a guess. |
| It was all too much for the SNP’s George Kerevan. “Good afternoon, governor,” he said. As it was still 11.36am, Mogadon “Mañana” Mark flashed his perfect white teeth, thrilled that at least one other person in the room shared his profound sense of futility. | It was all too much for the SNP’s George Kerevan. “Good afternoon, governor,” he said. As it was still 11.36am, Mogadon “Mañana” Mark flashed his perfect white teeth, thrilled that at least one other person in the room shared his profound sense of futility. |
| “Do you lose sleep over house prices?” asked Tyrie. It was the most pointless question on which to end. Mogadon “Mañana” Mark doesn’t lose sleep over anything. It’s the staying awake he finds tricky. | “Do you lose sleep over house prices?” asked Tyrie. It was the most pointless question on which to end. Mogadon “Mañana” Mark doesn’t lose sleep over anything. It’s the staying awake he finds tricky. |