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Smashing Syria: Benn's new nightmare Smashing Syria: Benn's new nightmare
(34 minutes later)
“What are you doing?” asked a Labour special adviser on the morning after the night before. “I’m eating a croissant,” Hilary Benn replied. If the shadow foreign secretary has serious designs on becoming the next great Labour leader, he could start by not taking questions quite so literally. Camelot was built on myth and legend, not breakfast menus.“What are you doing?” asked a Labour special adviser on the morning after the night before. “I’m eating a croissant,” Hilary Benn replied. If the shadow foreign secretary has serious designs on becoming the next great Labour leader, he could start by not taking questions quite so literally. Camelot was built on myth and legend, not breakfast menus.
There again, he could have been distracted by John McDonnell’s appearance on Radio 4’s Today programme. “I thought it was great oratory,” the shadow chancellor said. “It reminded me of Tony Blair’s speech when taking us to war in Iraq.” Then again, he could have been distracted by John McDonnell’s appearance on Radio 4’s Today programme. “I thought it was great oratory,” the shadow chancellor said. “It reminded me of Tony Blair’s speech when taking us to war in Iraq.”
As Nick Robinson pointed out this seemed to be more of a slap than a compliment, as McDonnell considers Blair a war criminal. “That’s not the language I’m using,” McDonnell insisted. But it was. It was precisely the language he was using; McDonnell doesn’t do unintentional.As Nick Robinson pointed out this seemed to be more of a slap than a compliment, as McDonnell considers Blair a war criminal. “That’s not the language I’m using,” McDonnell insisted. But it was. It was precisely the language he was using; McDonnell doesn’t do unintentional.
Maybe this early backlash failed to penetrate Benn’s shield of moral certainty. The shield that turns whirlwinds into zephyrs and ploughshares into swords. Or maybe Benn just is nerdily literal. The Breezeblock Camelot. Normal, Jim, but not as we know it.Maybe this early backlash failed to penetrate Benn’s shield of moral certainty. The shield that turns whirlwinds into zephyrs and ploughshares into swords. Or maybe Benn just is nerdily literal. The Breezeblock Camelot. Normal, Jim, but not as we know it.
Maybe Benn’s compelling closing speech during Wednesday night’s debate on launching airstrikes against Islamic State targets in Syria, had just been a 15-minute aberration in an otherwise routinely dull 62 years.Maybe Benn’s compelling closing speech during Wednesday night’s debate on launching airstrikes against Islamic State targets in Syria, had just been a 15-minute aberration in an otherwise routinely dull 62 years.
That’s certainly the impression Normal Hilary was out to give as he took his seat on the government’s front bench to listen to an urgent question about the overseas territory joint ministerial council. It was a parliamentary session that took place in a near empty chamber and was every bit as dull as the subject matter suggested.That’s certainly the impression Normal Hilary was out to give as he took his seat on the government’s front bench to listen to an urgent question about the overseas territory joint ministerial council. It was a parliamentary session that took place in a near empty chamber and was every bit as dull as the subject matter suggested.
There was no need for Normal Hilary to be there as he was not required to speak. He could have been doing the round of all the media outlets who had been clamouring to talk to him. He could even have allowed himself another croissant. Perhaps even, as a special treat, a pain au chocolat. But Normal Hilary was abnormally keen to be normal and that’s why he was there. Another day the same as any other day There was no need for Normal Hilary to be there as he was not required to speak. He could have been doing the round of all the media outlets clamouring to talk to him. He could even have allowed himself another croissant. Perhaps even, as a special treat, a pain au chocolat. But Normal Hilary was abnormally keen to be normal and that’s why he was there. Another day, the same as any other day
Not even Abnormally Normal Hilary could pretend to be interested for a full hour as two junior ministers went head to head on financial governance, climate change and sports participation in Britain’s overseas territory. Not even Abnormally Normal Hilary could pretend to be interested for a full hour, however, as two junior ministers went head to head on financial governance, climate change and sports participation in Britain’s overseas territory.
So, as his eyes closed in contemplation, perhaps he did allow himself a moment to consider where his oratory had taken him. How many civilian deaths could his conscience take? And what of Syria? What would Raqqa look like when and if the bombing campaign was over?So, as his eyes closed in contemplation, perhaps he did allow himself a moment to consider where his oratory had taken him. How many civilian deaths could his conscience take? And what of Syria? What would Raqqa look like when and if the bombing campaign was over?
Had he used the time to wander over to the HS2 committee – the Jarndyce v Jarndyce of committees – he would have realised that post-war reconstruction might be a lot trickier and a great deal more expensive than even the most pessimistic of forecasts would have it.Had he used the time to wander over to the HS2 committee – the Jarndyce v Jarndyce of committees – he would have realised that post-war reconstruction might be a lot trickier and a great deal more expensive than even the most pessimistic of forecasts would have it.
Having spent more than a year considering the plight of badgers, cycle tracks, endangered newts and property prices along the planned HS2 rail route, the committee has now reached Camden in London. In particular, the house just off Regent’s Park of the theatre impresario Cameron Mackintosh.Having spent more than a year considering the plight of badgers, cycle tracks, endangered newts and property prices along the planned HS2 rail route, the committee has now reached Camden in London. In particular, the house just off Regent’s Park of the theatre impresario Cameron Mackintosh.
“Sir Cameron is most unhappy,” said Meyric Lewis, Mackintosh’s lawyer. So unhappy that he was thinking of mounting a new production of Springtime for Camden and HS2, in London’s West End. What was holding him back was the intense worry about noise levels and the possibility that the volume of lorry traffic would make him a virtual prisoner in his own home.“Sir Cameron is most unhappy,” said Meyric Lewis, Mackintosh’s lawyer. So unhappy that he was thinking of mounting a new production of Springtime for Camden and HS2, in London’s West End. What was holding him back was the intense worry about noise levels and the possibility that the volume of lorry traffic would make him a virtual prisoner in his own home.
As the committee stared intently at slide P11272(6) from the Standard Pack, Mackintosh could not contain himself. “I’m going to be forced to move if it becomes intolerable,” he declared morosely.As the committee stared intently at slide P11272(6) from the Standard Pack, Mackintosh could not contain himself. “I’m going to be forced to move if it becomes intolerable,” he declared morosely.
Eager to avert this humanitarian tragedy, Tim Smart, HS2’s head of engineering, produced slide P11309 which showed that, even at its worst, only 200 lorries would trundle past Mackintosh’s door each day. “That’s a lot less than in the St Pancras redevelopment,” he said soothingly.Eager to avert this humanitarian tragedy, Tim Smart, HS2’s head of engineering, produced slide P11309 which showed that, even at its worst, only 200 lorries would trundle past Mackintosh’s door each day. “That’s a lot less than in the St Pancras redevelopment,” he said soothingly.
Mackintosh stared at Smart as if he was an idiot. Didn’t he know there was a huge difference between Camden and King’s Cross? Worried the proceedings might be drawing to a halt rather too quickly, Lewis asked for clarification that the pre-survey survey of any land settlement above 10mm that had been agreed the day before had actually been agreed. It had.Mackintosh stared at Smart as if he was an idiot. Didn’t he know there was a huge difference between Camden and King’s Cross? Worried the proceedings might be drawing to a halt rather too quickly, Lewis asked for clarification that the pre-survey survey of any land settlement above 10mm that had been agreed the day before had actually been agreed. It had.
Abnormally Normally Hilary sighed. If it took so many people and so much time to agree the noise levels near one house, just think how much time it would take to rebuild an entire city. Even if the war were over by Christmas, the reconstruction of Raqqa would not be complete until February 2307. Perhaps sooner if the Syrians weren’t quite so fussy. After all, Raqqa had always been a bit of a dump. The slide from moral certainty to moral relativism had begun.Abnormally Normally Hilary sighed. If it took so many people and so much time to agree the noise levels near one house, just think how much time it would take to rebuild an entire city. Even if the war were over by Christmas, the reconstruction of Raqqa would not be complete until February 2307. Perhaps sooner if the Syrians weren’t quite so fussy. After all, Raqqa had always been a bit of a dump. The slide from moral certainty to moral relativism had begun.