Mrs Cameron’s Diary: Dave’s like we must act *Brimstone face* NOW
|
Version 0 of 1. Well war is all about sacrifice, obvs, but this is ridic, I was like, Dave, stop, please, it is almost ten past six, put on your Christmas jumper & chillax, I have charged your iPad, he’s like, out of respect to our incredible servicemen & women there will be no Christmas jumper this year, no binge watching, except The Bridge since we had already started & – yes – no Fruit Ninja until we have taken out the head of the snake or, forgive the jargon, tackled this menace, whichever comes first. I’m like, fine, maybe Angry Birds Fight! IS more war-chillaxation appropes, he’s like, been there done that, I’m like, OK, Plants vs Zombies 2? They say that is where Hilair Benn learned everything he knows about the art of war? Nancy’s like, it’s true Dad, the Zombies could give you some srs strategy inspo for deploying the 70,000 moderates – that moment when they spring up everywhere & combine in like this huge terrifying Zombie WAVE? Dave’s like, wait, this is real life not a game, be patient, I’m like *stationery face* so do I reorder the Keep Calm & Carry On notebooks, he’s like, affirmative, no one has a clue what will happen, the only certainty following newly updated analysis is *checks envelope* that 7 million or so moderates, as many as 12 per cent with gold Duke of Edinburgh awards, stand poised to join us in months, or years – whenever I give the signal for ground war pending post-conflict stabilisation. But if we do not act NOW *Brimstone face* analysts say all those eleventy million will literally evaporate, now excuse me Hammy is waiting & even at his level, Call of Duty demands absolute concentration. I'm like *stationery face* so do I reorder the Keep Calm & Carry On notebooks? So having a war on is basically quite like not having a war on? Except now it is always Call of Duty not Angry Birds Star Wars II, because of Dave channelling the Queen Mother? As in, how can he ask our brilliant pilots to risk their lives in a war with no exit strategy if he personally has never fired a supersonic missile at a moving target? But within hours of the vote, Dave had mastered the CoD precision airstrike, he’s like, non-swank, now I can totally look the West End in the face:) |