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| It’s the eighth wonder of the world: goo | It’s the eighth wonder of the world: goo |
| (about 3 hours later) | |
| First times can be magical. Your first kiss. Your first sherry. Your first flight. They can also be shocking, scary and repulsive. Most first times, when you think about it, mix excitement with a fair measure of gagging. Then you buckle down and learn to enjoy it. | First times can be magical. Your first kiss. Your first sherry. Your first flight. They can also be shocking, scary and repulsive. Most first times, when you think about it, mix excitement with a fair measure of gagging. Then you buckle down and learn to enjoy it. |
| Such is certainly the case with the Pure Hold Hygiene Handle. For those of you who are not yet seasoned users, allow me to prepare you for your first encounter. You’re visiting someone in hospital, a little distracted, mind not entirely on your own comfort. You open the door to the ward and: ugh! Suddenly your hand is covered in goo! Should the door remain shut, repeated tugging only results in more gunge dribbling down your fingers. You may experience a flashback to the complete works of John Carpenter. | |
| But the more practice you have, the happier you become. The second time, braced for the worst, you’re free to appreciate the brilliance of the idea. These handles were dreamed up by a man called Matt Roberts, appalled by the half-arsed spritzing he’d witnessed while hospital visiting. His innovation – they’re being rolled out across the country – means it is impossible to enter a ward unsanitised (unless you’re a doctor with paperwork, in which case you can activate a special button). The third time, you start enjoying them – maybe risking both hands, swinging open the double doors saloon-style, had the wild west been a place of scrupulous hygiene. After the fourth, you’re an evangelist, advocating their installation anywhere with a handle: offices, shops, loos, trains, handbags. | But the more practice you have, the happier you become. The second time, braced for the worst, you’re free to appreciate the brilliance of the idea. These handles were dreamed up by a man called Matt Roberts, appalled by the half-arsed spritzing he’d witnessed while hospital visiting. His innovation – they’re being rolled out across the country – means it is impossible to enter a ward unsanitised (unless you’re a doctor with paperwork, in which case you can activate a special button). The third time, you start enjoying them – maybe risking both hands, swinging open the double doors saloon-style, had the wild west been a place of scrupulous hygiene. After the fourth, you’re an evangelist, advocating their installation anywhere with a handle: offices, shops, loos, trains, handbags. |
| Related: The very idea of a ‘female friendly film’ is old-fashioned nonsense | Catherine Shoard | Related: The very idea of a ‘female friendly film’ is old-fashioned nonsense | Catherine Shoard |
| The other great boon of the Pure Hold Hygiene Handle is that they’re so tricky to lick. The use of alcohol gels as substitute tipples (they’re at least 60% ethanol) has apparently been a real problem in clinics; eight London hospitals still using squirty bottles have had some serious cases. | The other great boon of the Pure Hold Hygiene Handle is that they’re so tricky to lick. The use of alcohol gels as substitute tipples (they’re at least 60% ethanol) has apparently been a real problem in clinics; eight London hospitals still using squirty bottles have had some serious cases. |
| Meanwhile, in the US a rash of toddler intoxication has been reported. An article entitled “Is your baby drunk on hand sanitizer?” on the Daily Beast last month revealed there were 15,000 cases this year, almost all involving toddlers, many attracted by the newfangled fruit flavours. However bad your first drink was, it’s unlikely to have been as awful as that. | Meanwhile, in the US a rash of toddler intoxication has been reported. An article entitled “Is your baby drunk on hand sanitizer?” on the Daily Beast last month revealed there were 15,000 cases this year, almost all involving toddlers, many attracted by the newfangled fruit flavours. However bad your first drink was, it’s unlikely to have been as awful as that. |
| Domestic goddesses | Domestic goddesses |
| It’s not just new knobs that are bringing sexy back to sanitation: Jennifer Lawrence is also in on the act. She stars in a movie out soon called Joy, about the inventor of the Miracle Mop. Much of the movie – and it’s none the worse for it – is devoted to explaining exactly what’s so cracking about her creation. First: a continuous loop of super-absorbent cotton. Second: a self-wringing retractable shaft. Third (and this is the clincher): a detachable head, which you can pop off and put in the washing machine. Sandwich boxes will soon enjoy a similar glam makeover when we see the Sandra Bullock biopic of a famed Tupperware promoter. Now we just need someone in Hollywood to wake up to the toaster. | It’s not just new knobs that are bringing sexy back to sanitation: Jennifer Lawrence is also in on the act. She stars in a movie out soon called Joy, about the inventor of the Miracle Mop. Much of the movie – and it’s none the worse for it – is devoted to explaining exactly what’s so cracking about her creation. First: a continuous loop of super-absorbent cotton. Second: a self-wringing retractable shaft. Third (and this is the clincher): a detachable head, which you can pop off and put in the washing machine. Sandwich boxes will soon enjoy a similar glam makeover when we see the Sandra Bullock biopic of a famed Tupperware promoter. Now we just need someone in Hollywood to wake up to the toaster. |
| The ad men caught napping | The ad men caught napping |
| A lot depends on a name, of course. Miracle Mop sounds immediately innovative. The foregrounding of “Pure” in the Pure Hold Hygiene Handle also goes a long way. Someone ought to perform lexical sorcery on the pressure-relieving mattress. Despite triggering images of plastic sheeting and bedsores, these are fantastically impressive, hi-tech bits of kit. I sat on one unwittingly in a hospital the other day only to find the earth move, repeatedly, beneath me. They are not only effective for preventive healthcare, but great fun too (I’d love to see what happens when you put a puppy on one). But they do need rebranding. The Gentle Sleep Rollercoaster, perhaps? Jelly Bed? Ideas on a postcard, please. | A lot depends on a name, of course. Miracle Mop sounds immediately innovative. The foregrounding of “Pure” in the Pure Hold Hygiene Handle also goes a long way. Someone ought to perform lexical sorcery on the pressure-relieving mattress. Despite triggering images of plastic sheeting and bedsores, these are fantastically impressive, hi-tech bits of kit. I sat on one unwittingly in a hospital the other day only to find the earth move, repeatedly, beneath me. They are not only effective for preventive healthcare, but great fun too (I’d love to see what happens when you put a puppy on one). But they do need rebranding. The Gentle Sleep Rollercoaster, perhaps? Jelly Bed? Ideas on a postcard, please. |