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As Isis attacked Jakarta, I didn’t know whether to be afraid As Isis attacked Jakarta, I didn’t know how to react
(35 minutes later)
“Cancel the meetings,” my mother texted me. “Stay home and stay safe. Grab lunch somewhere inconspicuous.”“Cancel the meetings,” my mother texted me. “Stay home and stay safe. Grab lunch somewhere inconspicuous.”
It was a few minutes past noon, just after news broke of the first explosions in Jakarta. I was already on the way to my third meeting of the day in the city, and half an hour late. The news had everyone in the second meeting frozen in front of the television.It was a few minutes past noon, just after news broke of the first explosions in Jakarta. I was already on the way to my third meeting of the day in the city, and half an hour late. The news had everyone in the second meeting frozen in front of the television.
Related: Isis claims responsibility for Jakarta gun and bomb attacksRelated: Isis claims responsibility for Jakarta gun and bomb attacks
“Don’t worry,” I texted back. “I’m far from Sarinah.” Sarinah was the site of the first few explosions.“Don’t worry,” I texted back. “I’m far from Sarinah.” Sarinah was the site of the first few explosions.
“Bombs are going off everywhere!” My mother said. “Haven’t you heard?”“Bombs are going off everywhere!” My mother said. “Haven’t you heard?”
I was taken aback. No, I hadn’t heard. Later I learned that a lot of these stories of extra explosions were hoaxes, but not then. Should I go back? I was already close to my destination and saw little point in avoiding it. Another text message came in: fourth meeting cancelled due to bomb hazards.I was taken aback. No, I hadn’t heard. Later I learned that a lot of these stories of extra explosions were hoaxes, but not then. Should I go back? I was already close to my destination and saw little point in avoiding it. Another text message came in: fourth meeting cancelled due to bomb hazards.
Twitter was abuzz. #StaySafeJakarta, #PrayforJakarta and similar hashtags were trending. A taxi company offered free rides to places deemed safe.Twitter was abuzz. #StaySafeJakarta, #PrayforJakarta and similar hashtags were trending. A taxi company offered free rides to places deemed safe.
My destination, I later learned, was not deemed safe. It was public, it was home to many rich people, it had tourists. A security guard checked my bag at the gates. I asked him if there had been any suspicious activities. He laughed. The place was safe, he said – they were just taking precautions.My destination, I later learned, was not deemed safe. It was public, it was home to many rich people, it had tourists. A security guard checked my bag at the gates. I asked him if there had been any suspicious activities. He laughed. The place was safe, he said – they were just taking precautions.
At a cafe nearby, I began hearing jokes. Let’s have this obnoxious guy check if there are any bombs around, a person would say, followed by his friends’ laughter. Yeah, let him do it!At a cafe nearby, I began hearing jokes. Let’s have this obnoxious guy check if there are any bombs around, a person would say, followed by his friends’ laughter. Yeah, let him do it!
Then more seriousness. Images circulated: pictures of maimed policemen, bodies lying on the streets, videos of cops and smoke. Then an image went viral: an old man was only a block away from the bombs, but he seemed unfazed and kept selling his streetside satay. People kept coming and buying the food. The photo’s caption? “Jakartans are not afraid of terrorism – we’re just afraid of being hungry.” More laughter, more smiley emojis.Then more seriousness. Images circulated: pictures of maimed policemen, bodies lying on the streets, videos of cops and smoke. Then an image went viral: an old man was only a block away from the bombs, but he seemed unfazed and kept selling his streetside satay. People kept coming and buying the food. The photo’s caption? “Jakartans are not afraid of terrorism – we’re just afraid of being hungry.” More laughter, more smiley emojis.
I found the whole ordeal very strange. So should we be afraid? Should we not be afraid? Were we going to die? There was no consensus. What was this strange atmosphere?I found the whole ordeal very strange. So should we be afraid? Should we not be afraid? Were we going to die? There was no consensus. What was this strange atmosphere?
Related: Jakarta attacks: #KamiTidakTakut hashtag shows Indonesians are not afraidRelated: Jakarta attacks: #KamiTidakTakut hashtag shows Indonesians are not afraid
Then I realised what it was: cognitive dissonance. On the one hand, we realise that all this should be traumatising. We need to show some fear, if only to respect the victims. Being afraid and staying indoors while paying our condolences seems to be the most moral thing to do.Then I realised what it was: cognitive dissonance. On the one hand, we realise that all this should be traumatising. We need to show some fear, if only to respect the victims. Being afraid and staying indoors while paying our condolences seems to be the most moral thing to do.
On the other hand, we have grown so used to the narrative that terrorists live among us. Some countries have school shootings. Others have bombs. These things just happen.On the other hand, we have grown so used to the narrative that terrorists live among us. Some countries have school shootings. Others have bombs. These things just happen.
The warnings, the fear: to most of us not directly affected by the blasts, they seem no more than ceremonial. Business won’t conduct itself, so we go on doing our thing – and munch on our favourite junk food and make awkward jokes while we’re at it.The warnings, the fear: to most of us not directly affected by the blasts, they seem no more than ceremonial. Business won’t conduct itself, so we go on doing our thing – and munch on our favourite junk food and make awkward jokes while we’re at it.
After a few hours passed, the trending hashtag changed. This time, it was, “We are not afraid” (#KamiTidakTakut). People started circulating guides to talking about terrorism to young kids. The messages were similar: don’t be afraid. Bad people exist. These things happen.After a few hours passed, the trending hashtag changed. This time, it was, “We are not afraid” (#KamiTidakTakut). People started circulating guides to talking about terrorism to young kids. The messages were similar: don’t be afraid. Bad people exist. These things happen.
The disjunct is palpable. It’s easy – romantic, almost – to conflate fearlessness and heroism. I ask myself: what’s the line between courage and a simple, silent recognition that bombs are part of our day-to-day lives? What kind of mindset are we trying to build?The disjunct is palpable. It’s easy – romantic, almost – to conflate fearlessness and heroism. I ask myself: what’s the line between courage and a simple, silent recognition that bombs are part of our day-to-day lives? What kind of mindset are we trying to build?
What became obvious among the bomb blasts today is how weak our narratives of terrorism are. We can’t even decide whether to be afraid or not.What became obvious among the bomb blasts today is how weak our narratives of terrorism are. We can’t even decide whether to be afraid or not.
I’m safe back home – but I’m not sure where we are, or where we’re heading.I’m safe back home – but I’m not sure where we are, or where we’re heading.