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Forget the economic gloom – Gideon is in charge! Forget the economic gloom – Gideon is in charge!
(7 months later)
Parallel worlds, parallel lives. Where most of the UK sees a decline in manufacturing, lay-offs in the steel industry and widespread insecurity about the global economy, George Osborne sees only sunlit uplands, smiling faces and Hovis adverts. Yesterday belongs to him and we are so lucky to have him.Parallel worlds, parallel lives. Where most of the UK sees a decline in manufacturing, lay-offs in the steel industry and widespread insecurity about the global economy, George Osborne sees only sunlit uplands, smiling faces and Hovis adverts. Yesterday belongs to him and we are so lucky to have him.
“The redundancies at Tata Steel are deeply regrettable,” the chancellor said at Treasury questions, in a voice that expressed more a sense of acceptable collateral damage than regret. “But … ” But George was in charge. A force for good and a force for change. While lesser mortals prepared to quake and quail at the World Economic Forum in Davos, the Übermensch knew no fear. Everything he touched turned to gold.“The redundancies at Tata Steel are deeply regrettable,” the chancellor said at Treasury questions, in a voice that expressed more a sense of acceptable collateral damage than regret. “But … ” But George was in charge. A force for good and a force for change. While lesser mortals prepared to quake and quail at the World Economic Forum in Davos, the Übermensch knew no fear. Everything he touched turned to gold.
The floods? Was that the worst nature could throw at him? Had it not been for his brilliant long-term economic plan, a far greater area of the north would have been washed away. The people of Cumbria and Yorkshire should be thanking him, not moaning about getting a bit wet. The Help to Buy ISA? The world’s greatest financial instrument. Play your cards right and you might even save a couple of grand towards a deposit for your own home over a five-year stretch. Allowing for house price inflation, that would make more people even less likely to be able to afford a house. Genius.The floods? Was that the worst nature could throw at him? Had it not been for his brilliant long-term economic plan, a far greater area of the north would have been washed away. The people of Cumbria and Yorkshire should be thanking him, not moaning about getting a bit wet. The Help to Buy ISA? The world’s greatest financial instrument. Play your cards right and you might even save a couple of grand towards a deposit for your own home over a five-year stretch. Allowing for house price inflation, that would make more people even less likely to be able to afford a house. Genius.
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If only the rest of the world could learn to love itself as much as George has come to love himself. Sure, British export targets weren’t all that he had hoped, but that was the fault of the countries we were selling to. They just needed to pull themselves together, everything would be tickety-boo.If only the rest of the world could learn to love itself as much as George has come to love himself. Sure, British export targets weren’t all that he had hoped, but that was the fault of the countries we were selling to. They just needed to pull themselves together, everything would be tickety-boo.
Labour’s shadow chancellor, John McDonnell, didn’t wholly agree with this analysis. “On the day that the International Monetary Fund warned about the global economy and called on government to increase their investment spending,” he asked, “Will he now reconsider his economic plan, and particularly his investment plans?” Would he hell. George wasn’t going to listen to any halfwits in the IMF. Nor was he going to listen to anything McDonnell had to say about anything, as Jeremy Corbyn’s latest idea was to spend £30bn on nuclear submarines that weren’t going to carry nuclear weapons. McDonnell sat hatchet-faced through this tirade. There wasn’t much else he could do; it used to be just David Cameron who made up idiotic policy on the hoof, but now the habit had spread to his own leader.Labour’s shadow chancellor, John McDonnell, didn’t wholly agree with this analysis. “On the day that the International Monetary Fund warned about the global economy and called on government to increase their investment spending,” he asked, “Will he now reconsider his economic plan, and particularly his investment plans?” Would he hell. George wasn’t going to listen to any halfwits in the IMF. Nor was he going to listen to anything McDonnell had to say about anything, as Jeremy Corbyn’s latest idea was to spend £30bn on nuclear submarines that weren’t going to carry nuclear weapons. McDonnell sat hatchet-faced through this tirade. There wasn’t much else he could do; it used to be just David Cameron who made up idiotic policy on the hoof, but now the habit had spread to his own leader.
McDonnell did point out that Osborne had done rather more to protect bankers’ bonuses than steel workers’ jobs, but he was drowned out by a pre-scripted George line about him and the Greeks having lost their marbles. It was a gag that achieved a unique triptych of offending the Greeks, the mentally ill and anyone with a sense of humour.McDonnell did point out that Osborne had done rather more to protect bankers’ bonuses than steel workers’ jobs, but he was drowned out by a pre-scripted George line about him and the Greeks having lost their marbles. It was a gag that achieved a unique triptych of offending the Greeks, the mentally ill and anyone with a sense of humour.
George loved it, though, and was still chuckling at his own witty brilliance some 20 minutes later. Which could explain why he inadvertently drew attention to his budget masterplan to make sure large corporations paid their full whack of tax. He clearly hadn’t been listening to the head of HMRC, Lin Homer, aka Dame Disaster, who had told the public accounts select committee last week that she couldn’t see any reason why her organisation should manage collect any more tax than it already was. Left hand, meet the right hand.George loved it, though, and was still chuckling at his own witty brilliance some 20 minutes later. Which could explain why he inadvertently drew attention to his budget masterplan to make sure large corporations paid their full whack of tax. He clearly hadn’t been listening to the head of HMRC, Lin Homer, aka Dame Disaster, who had told the public accounts select committee last week that she couldn’t see any reason why her organisation should manage collect any more tax than it already was. Left hand, meet the right hand.
Northern powerhouse. Long term economic plan. All the old Georgian tropes were being wheeled out by his back bench acolytes. Along with some new ones. “The turbo-charged Midlands,” burbled Amanda Milling, in a voice close to complete catatonia. What she must sound like on valium doesn’t bear contemplation. As George was lapping up the applause, the governor of the Bank of England was issuing his own dire predictions about the economic slowdown. If Mañana Mark Carney is worried, it’s time for the rest of us to panic.Northern powerhouse. Long term economic plan. All the old Georgian tropes were being wheeled out by his back bench acolytes. Along with some new ones. “The turbo-charged Midlands,” burbled Amanda Milling, in a voice close to complete catatonia. What she must sound like on valium doesn’t bear contemplation. As George was lapping up the applause, the governor of the Bank of England was issuing his own dire predictions about the economic slowdown. If Mañana Mark Carney is worried, it’s time for the rest of us to panic.