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The day the NHS saved my life: I was sectioned after trying to kill myself The day the NHS saved my life: I was sectioned after trying to kill myself
(7 months later)
I was 17 when I decided to kill myself. There wasn’t really one stand-alone event that made me want to. I was in the grip of a serious mental illness which led me to self-harm, at first superficially but by that point seriously. It got so bad I would need stitches in A&E.I was 17 when I decided to kill myself. There wasn’t really one stand-alone event that made me want to. I was in the grip of a serious mental illness which led me to self-harm, at first superficially but by that point seriously. It got so bad I would need stitches in A&E.
I’ll never forget the faces of my parents every time I had to tell them I needed to go to hospital. I know now they were frightened and desperately wanted me to stop, but at the time it felt like they were angry with me and it just widened the chasm between us. I felt humiliated booking in at reception. When they asked me how the injury happened, I had to say “I did it myself” and I wanted to hang my head in shame.I’ll never forget the faces of my parents every time I had to tell them I needed to go to hospital. I know now they were frightened and desperately wanted me to stop, but at the time it felt like they were angry with me and it just widened the chasm between us. I felt humiliated booking in at reception. When they asked me how the injury happened, I had to say “I did it myself” and I wanted to hang my head in shame.
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Things were tense at home. My parents had no idea how to help me. I was a nightmare to live with because I was so agitated and distressed and my parents were trying to get me to stop cutting myself. But one day, I got the bus home from college early and I tried to kill myself. I didn’t succeed, and my parents took me to A&E.Things were tense at home. My parents had no idea how to help me. I was a nightmare to live with because I was so agitated and distressed and my parents were trying to get me to stop cutting myself. But one day, I got the bus home from college early and I tried to kill myself. I didn’t succeed, and my parents took me to A&E.
This time, I told them it was a suicide attempt. I was honest about how desperate I was feeling and that I felt like if they sent me home I’d try to kill myself again. I refused to be sent home and asked to be admitted. Nobody wanted me to go to hospital, but I was literally scared for my life.This time, I told them it was a suicide attempt. I was honest about how desperate I was feeling and that I felt like if they sent me home I’d try to kill myself again. I refused to be sent home and asked to be admitted. Nobody wanted me to go to hospital, but I was literally scared for my life.
My lowest point came when I was sectioned in December 2007, a year after my suicide attempt, and following a number of stints in different hospitals. I was stuck in a well-entrenched pattern of feeling suicidal, self-harming and then at times doing very unsafe things that would threaten my life. Mum later told me during that time she feared going into my bedroom to find me dead.My lowest point came when I was sectioned in December 2007, a year after my suicide attempt, and following a number of stints in different hospitals. I was stuck in a well-entrenched pattern of feeling suicidal, self-harming and then at times doing very unsafe things that would threaten my life. Mum later told me during that time she feared going into my bedroom to find me dead.
I was not thrilled with the idea of being sectioned. But a small part of me accepted that I needed the treatment, and needed to get better. Patient nurses would sit outside my room all night to prevent me from hurting myself. The first night I cried in my bed, desperately wanting to be at home with my family.I was not thrilled with the idea of being sectioned. But a small part of me accepted that I needed the treatment, and needed to get better. Patient nurses would sit outside my room all night to prevent me from hurting myself. The first night I cried in my bed, desperately wanting to be at home with my family.
What I didn’t know then was that it would be the catalyst for my recovery, albeit one that would take seven years. It was awful being held in a locked ward against my will, unable to leave. I had to ask for simple things like being allowed in my room to use the toilet, or to go for a short walk outside. But being contained actually enabled me to receive dialectical behaviour therapy and to put skills in place to cope with life.What I didn’t know then was that it would be the catalyst for my recovery, albeit one that would take seven years. It was awful being held in a locked ward against my will, unable to leave. I had to ask for simple things like being allowed in my room to use the toilet, or to go for a short walk outside. But being contained actually enabled me to receive dialectical behaviour therapy and to put skills in place to cope with life.
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Then there were the fantastic nurses and healthcare assistants who helped look after me. In the evenings, Angie would sit with me and we’d watch Coronation Street in the evenings. No-nonsense Dave had a wicked sense of humour. Horse-obsessed Mary, who had a lovely laugh, was so positive. They made me feel normal, which is what I needed.Then there were the fantastic nurses and healthcare assistants who helped look after me. In the evenings, Angie would sit with me and we’d watch Coronation Street in the evenings. No-nonsense Dave had a wicked sense of humour. Horse-obsessed Mary, who had a lovely laugh, was so positive. They made me feel normal, which is what I needed.
Over the following seven years I battled to stay out of hospital, which I managed bar one short stay. I received fantastic support from my local mental health team, where I saw psychiatrists, community psychiatric nurses, occupational therapists and psychologists. Had it not been for their continued support, I have no doubt that I would have either ended up in hospital long-term, or I would have killed myself.Over the following seven years I battled to stay out of hospital, which I managed bar one short stay. I received fantastic support from my local mental health team, where I saw psychiatrists, community psychiatric nurses, occupational therapists and psychologists. Had it not been for their continued support, I have no doubt that I would have either ended up in hospital long-term, or I would have killed myself.
I have recently been discharged from psychological therapy, and am about to be discharged from the mental health team. I am so grateful for every single person who has helped me along the way: from the nurses in A&E who stitched me up, the nurses on the psychiatric wards who listened to me and sat with me to keep me safe, to the psychiatrists who gave me medicine and the psychologists who helped me develop the tools to manage my illness.I have recently been discharged from psychological therapy, and am about to be discharged from the mental health team. I am so grateful for every single person who has helped me along the way: from the nurses in A&E who stitched me up, the nurses on the psychiatric wards who listened to me and sat with me to keep me safe, to the psychiatrists who gave me medicine and the psychologists who helped me develop the tools to manage my illness.
The NHS isn’t perfect when it comes to mental illness – but it all boils down to money in the end, and the lack of it leading to a lack of resources. I know that the doctors, nurses and support workers are trying their absolute best with what they have, and that is to be applauded.The NHS isn’t perfect when it comes to mental illness – but it all boils down to money in the end, and the lack of it leading to a lack of resources. I know that the doctors, nurses and support workers are trying their absolute best with what they have, and that is to be applauded.
In the UK, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123. In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14. Hotlines in other countries can be found here.In the UK, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123. In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14. Hotlines in other countries can be found here.