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You can find the current article at its original source at http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2016/jan/27/no-results-found-dave-the-google-search-for-fair-taxes-goes-on
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| No results found, Dave? The Google search for fair taxes goes on | No results found, Dave? The Google search for fair taxes goes on |
| (about 1 hour later) | |
| “The house must remember Holocaust Memorial Day,” the prime minister declared with all the solemnity he could muster. But only for 10 minutes or so. After that he was happily writing off all the Calais refugees – many of whom are children – as a “bunch of migrants”. They come over here, steal our mud, drink our puddles … Compassionate conservatism is becoming a harder and harder sell. | |
| Though not to Google, for which the prime minister apparently still has deep love. If not quite so deep as the chancellor’s, though Osborne may slowly be waking up to the fact that what he believed was a long-term relationship was only a one-night stand for Google. | |
| Sitting next to Cameron at prime minister’s questions, George looked every bit the miserable star-crossed lover. But love conquers all – even tax bills – and for the time being at least Dave and George are the last two people left in Britain who actually think getting Google to pay £130m on £10bn profits in back tax is a stunning achievement. | |
| Related: For Cameron to speak of a ‘bunch of migrants’ is beneath him | Jonathan Freedland | Related: For Cameron to speak of a ‘bunch of migrants’ is beneath him | Jonathan Freedland |
| “Would the prime minister agree that Google is paying an effective rate of 3% tax?” Jeremy Corbyn asked at prime minister’s questions. Dave wasn’t prepared to go quite so far as that, but he was delighted to point out that under Labour Google had paid no tax at all and so for him to have squeezed Google for loose change was a sign of just how tough he was. | |
| Sometimes Dave is dimmer than he looks. Not only had he forgotten he has been prime minister for nearly six years, he was oblivious to the fact that the Italians and the French had let the side down badly by being considerably more successful in their negotiations. | |
| The Labour leader wasn’t about to take this on trust. Finding himself on the right side of public opinion hasn’t always come easy for him and Google was a clear win. “Could the prime minister confirm the Google settlement was the result of 25 meetings with 17 ministers?” he asked. Dave shrugged. He was just sorry there hadn’t been time for more meetings with more ministers. If there had been then they might have been able to knock the tax bill down still further. His own accountants would never have let him pay so much. | The Labour leader wasn’t about to take this on trust. Finding himself on the right side of public opinion hasn’t always come easy for him and Google was a clear win. “Could the prime minister confirm the Google settlement was the result of 25 meetings with 17 ministers?” he asked. Dave shrugged. He was just sorry there hadn’t been time for more meetings with more ministers. If there had been then they might have been able to knock the tax bill down still further. His own accountants would never have let him pay so much. |
| “I have a letter from Jeff,” said Corbyn. A flash of panic crossed Dave’s face. How the hell had Corbyn got hold of the Treasury’s private correspondence with Jeff Bezos to make sure Amazon paid as little as Google? He relaxed when the Labour leader revealed that Jeff was just an ordinary taxpayer who wanted to know if he could stop paying tax for 10 years and have personal meetings with ministers before settling for a discounted tax rate. | |
| “Look,” said Dave. “If Jeff wants to set up a billion-pound company with multiple tax jurisdictions, he can pay as little as he likes. But until then he can pay through the nose.” | |
| Dave also wasn’t at all keen on anyone’s – especially his – tax return being published online. That just wasn’t the way the British way of doing things. Or the Swiss and Cayman Islanders’ way for that matter. There were standards to maintain. With all Google searches coming up blank, Corbyn moved on to what the government was proposing to do now the bedroom tax had been declared discriminatory. | Dave also wasn’t at all keen on anyone’s – especially his – tax return being published online. That just wasn’t the way the British way of doing things. Or the Swiss and Cayman Islanders’ way for that matter. There were standards to maintain. With all Google searches coming up blank, Corbyn moved on to what the government was proposing to do now the bedroom tax had been declared discriminatory. |
| “Typical Labour,” said Dave. “Always wanting to come to the help of the disadvantaged. Who is going to pay for it? Jeff will pay for it.” Better Jeff than Google. Lucky Jeff. All he had done was write to the Labour leader and he’d ended up copping a £2.5bn tax bill. | “Typical Labour,” said Dave. “Always wanting to come to the help of the disadvantaged. Who is going to pay for it? Jeff will pay for it.” Better Jeff than Google. Lucky Jeff. All he had done was write to the Labour leader and he’d ended up copping a £2.5bn tax bill. |