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| Version 1 | Version 2 |
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| A moment that changed me: being told I would lose my sight | A moment that changed me: being told I would lose my sight |
| (7 months later) | |
| In March 2007 I was told that I would lose my sight. It was like a rug being pulled from under me. I was 35 and thought I had my whole life ahead of me. I’d had no idea that anything was wrong. I’m diabetic, and have regular eye checks, but my vision was fine up to that point, perfect in fact – I was a competitive field archer. But after that appointment everything moved so fast. | In March 2007 I was told that I would lose my sight. It was like a rug being pulled from under me. I was 35 and thought I had my whole life ahead of me. I’d had no idea that anything was wrong. I’m diabetic, and have regular eye checks, but my vision was fine up to that point, perfect in fact – I was a competitive field archer. But after that appointment everything moved so fast. |
| The doctors explained that high blood sugar levels were damaging the retina at the back of my eyes, a condition known as diabetic proliferative retinopathy. They told me that they would try to save my vision, but that some, or possibly all, of my sight would eventually go. | The doctors explained that high blood sugar levels were damaging the retina at the back of my eyes, a condition known as diabetic proliferative retinopathy. They told me that they would try to save my vision, but that some, or possibly all, of my sight would eventually go. |
| ‘I was so focused on trying to save my vision that I didn’t take a moment to consider my mental wellbeing | ‘I was so focused on trying to save my vision that I didn’t take a moment to consider my mental wellbeing |
| There was a horrible sense of foreboding. I was sent for operation after operation, but with no idea what state my vision would be in at the end of it. Would I have to live the rest of my life in darkness? What would this mean for my new wife, Joanne, who had recently left her family in Edinburgh to move in with me? | There was a horrible sense of foreboding. I was sent for operation after operation, but with no idea what state my vision would be in at the end of it. Would I have to live the rest of my life in darkness? What would this mean for my new wife, Joanne, who had recently left her family in Edinburgh to move in with me? |
| In total I had five years of operations and laser surgery. Joanne was by my side like a rock – reading books to me as I recovered from yet another operation. But as my eyesight deteriorated I felt I was losing control of my life. I couldn’t do anything on my own any more and relied on Joanne for help with little things that used to be so easy – like making a cup of tea. | In total I had five years of operations and laser surgery. Joanne was by my side like a rock – reading books to me as I recovered from yet another operation. But as my eyesight deteriorated I felt I was losing control of my life. I couldn’t do anything on my own any more and relied on Joanne for help with little things that used to be so easy – like making a cup of tea. |
| As I went from one appointment to the next, I tried to ignore the feelings of hopelessness, but I gradually lost all my confidence and felt isolated from everyone around me. I was so wrapped up in my own situation that my relationship with Joanne began to suffer. I didn’t realise that she felt alone too. Our conversations were taken over by talk of medical procedures and practicalities. We both desperately tried to understand this new life, but it nearly broke us. | As I went from one appointment to the next, I tried to ignore the feelings of hopelessness, but I gradually lost all my confidence and felt isolated from everyone around me. I was so wrapped up in my own situation that my relationship with Joanne began to suffer. I didn’t realise that she felt alone too. Our conversations were taken over by talk of medical procedures and practicalities. We both desperately tried to understand this new life, but it nearly broke us. |
| Looking back, I wish someone had asked me how I was coping much sooner. Or how my family was coping. I was never asked how I was feeling about my life or my future. I was asked about levels of pain, and I was so focused on trying to save my vision that I didn’t take a moment to consider my mental wellbeing. I’ve heard that every hour someone in the UK loses their sight, but the emotional consequences that come with it are just sidelined, unless you know how to ask for help. | Looking back, I wish someone had asked me how I was coping much sooner. Or how my family was coping. I was never asked how I was feeling about my life or my future. I was asked about levels of pain, and I was so focused on trying to save my vision that I didn’t take a moment to consider my mental wellbeing. I’ve heard that every hour someone in the UK loses their sight, but the emotional consequences that come with it are just sidelined, unless you know how to ask for help. |
| I was lucky that they managed to save some of my sight and now I have some central vision left – it’s a bit like looking through a slot. But once the operations and medical treatment were over, I had nothing left to focus on. I struggled to get about and tried using a white cane. But I was concentrating so hard on what was around me all the time that I was constantly exhausted. One day I bumped into someone and he really laid into me. He was apologetic when he saw my cane but it was a final knock to my self-esteem, and I realised how vulnerable I had become. | I was lucky that they managed to save some of my sight and now I have some central vision left – it’s a bit like looking through a slot. But once the operations and medical treatment were over, I had nothing left to focus on. I struggled to get about and tried using a white cane. But I was concentrating so hard on what was around me all the time that I was constantly exhausted. One day I bumped into someone and he really laid into me. He was apologetic when he saw my cane but it was a final knock to my self-esteem, and I realised how vulnerable I had become. |
| The Monday after, something inside me snapped and I broke down at work. It was as though the gradual panic inside me had become so intense that my brain just shut off. It was fight or flight and all I wanted to do was run away. The breakdown forced me to go to my GP and ask for the help that I’d needed all along. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and stress, and signed off work. I was referred for cognitive behavioural therapy, which helped me process my thoughts in a way that is more positive. We also realised that Joanne had neglected her mental health as well, and she also received support for anxiety and stress. | The Monday after, something inside me snapped and I broke down at work. It was as though the gradual panic inside me had become so intense that my brain just shut off. It was fight or flight and all I wanted to do was run away. The breakdown forced me to go to my GP and ask for the help that I’d needed all along. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and stress, and signed off work. I was referred for cognitive behavioural therapy, which helped me process my thoughts in a way that is more positive. We also realised that Joanne had neglected her mental health as well, and she also received support for anxiety and stress. |
| I’m so glad we found that help, as things slowly started to seem more hopeful and manageable. It was then that a friend asked if I’d thought about a guide dog. I had no idea of the huge impact that my guide dog, Stokes, would have on our lives. He’s literally given me my freedom back. He’s also brought Joanne and I closer together – it’s like he was the missing link and brings so much joy to our lives. | I’m so glad we found that help, as things slowly started to seem more hopeful and manageable. It was then that a friend asked if I’d thought about a guide dog. I had no idea of the huge impact that my guide dog, Stokes, would have on our lives. He’s literally given me my freedom back. He’s also brought Joanne and I closer together – it’s like he was the missing link and brings so much joy to our lives. |
| It doesn’t sound like a big deal, but now if we run out of milk at home I can just go. I can walk out the door, down the street and get it myself. Stokes is there to make sure I’m safe and not about to walk into anything. I used to have to concentrate so hard on what was immediately in front of me, but now my mind can wander like everyone else’s. He’s given me the chance to be me again. | It doesn’t sound like a big deal, but now if we run out of milk at home I can just go. I can walk out the door, down the street and get it myself. Stokes is there to make sure I’m safe and not about to walk into anything. I used to have to concentrate so hard on what was immediately in front of me, but now my mind can wander like everyone else’s. He’s given me the chance to be me again. |