They say it’s the thought that counts, but maybe it’s time to think again
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Version 0 of 1. Several years ago, my friend Richard bought a birthday present for his wife, Melissa. It was an electric toothbrush. This did not go over well. It prompted another friend of ours, Pallavi, to remark: “Never buy a woman a present with a plug.” Sage advice, and just the sort of useful information that I’m trying to provide as we near Valentine’s Day. Loving someone is easy compared with showing that love. It can be hard to decide what to get for your sweetheart. Today, I’m not going to suggest what you should get, just what you shouldn’t get, based on the experiences of readers. “The worst gift I received was from my ex-husband,” wrote a Falls Church, Va., reader named Elizabeth. “Notice I wrote ‘ex.’ It was for our seventh wedding anniversary and it was a company branded flashlight. He had just been on a work retreat and clearly they gave him that as a gift and he re-gifted it to me upon his return. We separated less than a year later.” Maureen is still with her husband, despite what he gave her on their first Christmas together: one of those big, cross-shaped tire irons. “He was afraid I wouldn’t be strong enough to loosen the tire with a regular tire iron,” wrote Maureen, of Gaithersburg, Md. “Very thoughtful of him, but I would rather have had a AAA membership!” As their first Christmas together approached, Jean Bradley’s husband asked her what she wanted. “Being a thrifty, young government employee/rookie police officer couple, and having to borrow my mother’s each week, I said, ‘Well, I need a vacuum cleaner,’ clearly distinguishing (I thought) the difference between ‘want’ and ‘need,’” wrote Jean of Waldorf, Md. Sure enough, Jean’s present was a vacuum cleaner. “And for our first anniversary the following week, he gave me the attachments,” Jean wrote. “No, I never did let him forget it.” Like most of us, Lyda Astrove of Rockville, Md., has seen those Lexus commercials that air every Christmas, where a loving husband leads his wife to the front door and opens it, revealing a beautiful new Lexus topped with a big red bow. Here’s Lyda describing her version: “One Christmas morning as we prepared to open gifts with my parents, my husband excitedly escorted me to the front door, flung it open, to show me my Christmas present: a new doormat. “A doormat.” So awful she typed it twice. When Linda Brandwin’s children were very young, she had to do a lot of lifting — not great for her back. “So for Mother’s Day my husband bought me a vibrating heating pad,” wrote Linda, of Woodbridge, Va. “All I wanted was a new watch. We have now been married 46 years and he still doesn’t understand why a vibrating heating pad should never be given as a ‘gift’ to one’s wife. Ever.” (See the plug rule, above.) For their 15th anniversary, Stephi’s husband handed her a book: “Talking Dirty Laundry With the Queen of Clean,” a book on how to properly launder clothes. “No flowers, jewelry, dinner out,” Stephi wrote. “I will point out that it wasn’t even a good joke or a nudge because cleanliness was not an issue at our house. He thought it was hilarious, even when he saw my face fall.” They stayed married until last spring — when Stephi’s husband died. “Now I’m remarried to a wonderful guy, so I get the last laugh,” she wrote. “I don’t miss him! And yes, I tossed the book in the trash!” So far, we’ve only heard from wives. Do any husbands ever admit to their mistakes? Meet Milt Fall of Arlington, Va. Milt used to be a branch manager for a local manufacturing company. Occasionally during the holiday season, vendors would drop off gifts. One such gift was a three-bar set of exotic soaps. “I didn’t think much of it, and generally didn’t encourage such things, since I dealt with vendors on their products and service and price, not these types of considerations,” Milt wrote. He stuck it on the corner of his desk. “Then came a Christmastime that I had been particularly harried, and remembered that I hadn’t gotten the Mrs. any gifts for the occasion,” Milt wrote. He wrapped up the soap set, added a bow, and stuck it under the tree. When his wife tried to use his gift, Milt learned something important: “Soap gets harder than a brick when it’s left unused for so long. It wouldn’t even lather up. Still trying to live down this one.” Tomorrow: More bad gifts. Twitter: @johnkelly For previous columns, visit washingtonpost.com/johnkelly. |