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I saved a baby from growing up without a mother I saved a baby from growing up without a mother
(7 months later)
Do you like the smell of a new baby? That mix of fresh cotton, talc and baby wipes? I remember that smell now and rather than feel a lovely warm sense of “Aaaaah, isn’t she cute”, I’m reminded of abject horror.Do you like the smell of a new baby? That mix of fresh cotton, talc and baby wipes? I remember that smell now and rather than feel a lovely warm sense of “Aaaaah, isn’t she cute”, I’m reminded of abject horror.
The last time I held a baby was several months ago at my perinatal psychiatry clinic. I was running the junior doctor slot for “non-complex cases”, so this meant around six mums-to-be or recent-mums suffering from mental health problems who needed specialist support.The last time I held a baby was several months ago at my perinatal psychiatry clinic. I was running the junior doctor slot for “non-complex cases”, so this meant around six mums-to-be or recent-mums suffering from mental health problems who needed specialist support.
Anna sobbed her way through her account of contemplating suicide while baby Sarah was at her mum’s.Anna sobbed her way through her account of contemplating suicide while baby Sarah was at her mum’s.
I’ll never forget Anna. I’d seen her twice before she gave birth to Sarah seven weeks ago with a background of anxiety and depression linked to low self-esteem and anorexia as a teenager. She came to see me with tears in her eyes. Sarah was immaculate and played with a teddy bear hanging above her immaculate pram. Anna took Sarah from her pram as I welcomed her back to clinic, no eye contact made. I asked how things were and Anna thrust Sarah out towards me. Had I not been watching I wouldn’t have caught her and she would have hit the floor. Sarah smiled at me as I took in deep breaths of talc, baby wipes and new-baby smell; Anna sobbed her way through her account of contemplating suicide during the weekend while Sarah was at her mum’s.I’ll never forget Anna. I’d seen her twice before she gave birth to Sarah seven weeks ago with a background of anxiety and depression linked to low self-esteem and anorexia as a teenager. She came to see me with tears in her eyes. Sarah was immaculate and played with a teddy bear hanging above her immaculate pram. Anna took Sarah from her pram as I welcomed her back to clinic, no eye contact made. I asked how things were and Anna thrust Sarah out towards me. Had I not been watching I wouldn’t have caught her and she would have hit the floor. Sarah smiled at me as I took in deep breaths of talc, baby wipes and new-baby smell; Anna sobbed her way through her account of contemplating suicide during the weekend while Sarah was at her mum’s.
She handed me tear-stained notes written in blue biro to Sarah on her first day at school: “Sorry I’m not there to take you to school Sarah but mummy can’t cope”; to Sarah on getting married: “I’m sure you look so beautiful today my love”; to Sarah when she has her first child: “Cherish this moment forever ...”.She handed me tear-stained notes written in blue biro to Sarah on her first day at school: “Sorry I’m not there to take you to school Sarah but mummy can’t cope”; to Sarah on getting married: “I’m sure you look so beautiful today my love”; to Sarah when she has her first child: “Cherish this moment forever ...”.
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I talked Anna through this, by now bouncing Sarah on my lap and giving her a bottle. We agreed she needed space and time. I needed to safeguard Sarah. I called social services and relayed the story. It was 4.55pm. “Is she going to kill the baby and then herself?” was the business like question I was asked. I replied no. “Ok then, we can see her tomorrow.” I was left literally holding the baby.I talked Anna through this, by now bouncing Sarah on my lap and giving her a bottle. We agreed she needed space and time. I needed to safeguard Sarah. I called social services and relayed the story. It was 4.55pm. “Is she going to kill the baby and then herself?” was the business like question I was asked. I replied no. “Ok then, we can see her tomorrow.” I was left literally holding the baby.
I called Anna’s mum who came to clinic right away. She agreed to have Anna for a few days. I liaised with our mental health crisis team who agreed to visit Anna at home every day while she needed us to. I chatted to my registrar to make sure I was doing everything right and sort out some short-term medication to allay the situation. Anna left feeling with a sense of hope and support she didn’t have before.I called Anna’s mum who came to clinic right away. She agreed to have Anna for a few days. I liaised with our mental health crisis team who agreed to visit Anna at home every day while she needed us to. I chatted to my registrar to make sure I was doing everything right and sort out some short-term medication to allay the situation. Anna left feeling with a sense of hope and support she didn’t have before.
She let me keep those notes.She let me keep those notes.
I’ll never forget that mum and her baby. I wouldn’t wish postnatal depression on my worst enemy. In a way I wouldn’t wish that clinical scenario on a colleague either. It was terrifying, but it was also my job.I’ll never forget that mum and her baby. I wouldn’t wish postnatal depression on my worst enemy. In a way I wouldn’t wish that clinical scenario on a colleague either. It was terrifying, but it was also my job.
*Names have been changed*Names have been changed
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