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| Meet the Trumps: they could just become America's first family | Meet the Trumps: they could just become America's first family |
| (about 1 hour later) | |
| Ready to contemplate future dystopia? | Ready to contemplate future dystopia? |
| Well, its seeming ever more likely that Donald Trump might actually win the Republican party nomination for president this year. Which means that it’s not at all unfeasible that he would become president of the United States of America. Which means that his family would be this country’s “first family”. | Well, its seeming ever more likely that Donald Trump might actually win the Republican party nomination for president this year. Which means that it’s not at all unfeasible that he would become president of the United States of America. Which means that his family would be this country’s “first family”. |
| As famous as Trump as has been for the past 40 years, as well-covered as his sexual trysts and three marriages have been, the public doesn’t know very much about his family. | As famous as Trump as has been for the past 40 years, as well-covered as his sexual trysts and three marriages have been, the public doesn’t know very much about his family. |
| Here’s a little get-to-know-them. | Here’s a little get-to-know-them. |
| Ivana Trump, 66 | Ivana Trump, 66 |
| Born in Czechoslovakia, a champion ski racer turned model, Ivana Zelnickova met rising real estate tycoon Donald Trump in New York and married him in 1977. | |
| The couple had three children, Donald Jr, Ivanka and Eric Frederick, before the marriage fell apart in the late 1980s amid rumours that Donald was involved in an affair with model/actress Marla Maples. | The couple had three children, Donald Jr, Ivanka and Eric Frederick, before the marriage fell apart in the late 1980s amid rumours that Donald was involved in an affair with model/actress Marla Maples. |
| Ivana famously confronted Marla and Donald at Aspen in 1990 and the Trumps were divorced 1992. | Ivana famously confronted Marla and Donald at Aspen in 1990 and the Trumps were divorced 1992. |
| Donald Jr, 37 | Donald Jr, 37 |
| Executive vice-president of the Trump Organization, Donald Trump, Jr is married, with five kids, to Vanessa Haydon, 38, bag designer and former tennis star at Dwight. | Executive vice-president of the Trump Organization, Donald Trump, Jr is married, with five kids, to Vanessa Haydon, 38, bag designer and former tennis star at Dwight. |
| He’s pretty boring. Likes to hunt. | He’s pretty boring. Likes to hunt. |
| Ivanka, 34 | Ivanka, 34 |
| Donald’s second child, Ivanka, 34, is the breakout star among the scion. Executive vice-president of Development & Acquisitions at her father’s company, she has 1.79 million followers on Twitter! | Donald’s second child, Ivanka, 34, is the breakout star among the scion. Executive vice-president of Development & Acquisitions at her father’s company, she has 1.79 million followers on Twitter! |
| She’s a successful model, designer and author and in 2009 she converted to Judaism and married Jared Kushner, who has ruined the once highly esteemed newspaper the New York Observer, since acquiring it 10 years ago. The couple have two children and are expecting a third pretty much any day now. | She’s a successful model, designer and author and in 2009 she converted to Judaism and married Jared Kushner, who has ruined the once highly esteemed newspaper the New York Observer, since acquiring it 10 years ago. The couple have two children and are expecting a third pretty much any day now. |
| Eric Frederick, 31 | Eric Frederick, 31 |
| He kills endangered mega fauna on big-game hunting trips to Africa and bears, as noted on Twitter by Vice Sports’s David Roth, holds an uncanny resemblance to Kiefer Sutherland’s vampire gangleader role from Joel Schumacher’s 1987 movie, Lost Boys. | He kills endangered mega fauna on big-game hunting trips to Africa and bears, as noted on Twitter by Vice Sports’s David Roth, holds an uncanny resemblance to Kiefer Sutherland’s vampire gangleader role from Joel Schumacher’s 1987 movie, Lost Boys. |
| Eric Trump is what Donald Trump would look like if he was bitten by a vampire in 1983. pic.twitter.com/61QP7odo43 | Eric Trump is what Donald Trump would look like if he was bitten by a vampire in 1983. pic.twitter.com/61QP7odo43 |
| Eric married Lara Unaska, a 33-year-old horse rider and animal lover, two years ago at his father’s estate Mar-a-Lago in Palm Springs, Florida. | Eric married Lara Unaska, a 33-year-old horse rider and animal lover, two years ago at his father’s estate Mar-a-Lago in Palm Springs, Florida. |
| Marla Maples, 52 | Marla Maples, 52 |
| Born Cuhutta Georgia, Marla Maples married Donald Trump in 1993, and gave birth to a daughter, Tiffany, before they were divorced in 1999. | Born Cuhutta Georgia, Marla Maples married Donald Trump in 1993, and gave birth to a daughter, Tiffany, before they were divorced in 1999. |
| Marla has appeared in some movies, including Stephen King’s Maximum Overdrive in 1986 which featured the great AC/DC song Who Made Who, Executive Decision with Kurt Russell 10 years later, and Todd Solondz’s vomit-inducingly creepy (but really good!) Happiness in 1998. | Marla has appeared in some movies, including Stephen King’s Maximum Overdrive in 1986 which featured the great AC/DC song Who Made Who, Executive Decision with Kurt Russell 10 years later, and Todd Solondz’s vomit-inducingly creepy (but really good!) Happiness in 1998. |
| In 2014, she released a new age music album, The Endless. The single, The Pearl begins with the words “She travels through time …” and Marla made a video for it that I highly recommend watching if you like snorkeling and yoga and want to feel as sad about yourself and the world, as Laura Dern usually did in the Enlightened (God, that show was the best!) | In 2014, she released a new age music album, The Endless. The single, The Pearl begins with the words “She travels through time …” and Marla made a video for it that I highly recommend watching if you like snorkeling and yoga and want to feel as sad about yourself and the world, as Laura Dern usually did in the Enlightened (God, that show was the best!) |
| She still feels close to the Trumps, she says. “We watch the Apprentice and I cry when I see the kids on it. I’m crazy, I’m that emotional person!” | She still feels close to the Trumps, she says. “We watch the Apprentice and I cry when I see the kids on it. I’m crazy, I’m that emotional person!” |
| Same here, I guess. I am crying right now as I type this. | Same here, I guess. I am crying right now as I type this. |
| Tiffany, 22 | Tiffany, 22 |
| A passionate Jason Derulo fan, Tiffany is finishing her senior year at University of Pennsylvania. She completed an internship at Vogue magazine recently and, in 2011, released her own debut single, Like a Bird, with collaborators $pr!te and Logiq, that also deals with the subject of time travel. | A passionate Jason Derulo fan, Tiffany is finishing her senior year at University of Pennsylvania. She completed an internship at Vogue magazine recently and, in 2011, released her own debut single, Like a Bird, with collaborators $pr!te and Logiq, that also deals with the subject of time travel. |
| Here are the lyrics to the song, as transcribed at the website ReverbNation. | Here are the lyrics to the song, as transcribed at the website ReverbNation. |
| (TIFF) | (TIFF) |
| Diamonds are so shimmery | Diamonds are so shimmery |
| Special things uncover me | Special things uncover me |
| You know whatcha say | You know whatcha say |
| Baby, baby, Don’t you go! | Baby, baby, Don’t you go! |
| Everybody’s “partying” | Everybody’s “partying” |
| Obsessing over crazy things | Obsessing over crazy things |
| I just want serenity | I just want serenity |
| While “living it up.” | While “living it up.” |
| ($PR!TE) | ($PR!TE) |
| Every time you’re loving me | Every time you’re loving me |
| Is something that I’ve fallin 4 | Is something that I’ve fallin 4 |
| You know what to say!!! | You know what to say!!! |
| “Baby baby” don’tcha go! | “Baby baby” don’tcha go! |
| I know what you’re feeling babe | I know what you’re feeling babe |
| You know why, I’m rolling babe. | You know why, I’m rolling babe. |
| If you beat, then you’re “living it up.” | If you beat, then you’re “living it up.” |
| (TIFF) | (TIFF) |
| I see you like that “spot above” | I see you like that “spot above” |
| Crawling though “the liquid love” | Crawling though “the liquid love” |
| You’re cute and your Tweeting me!! | You’re cute and your Tweeting me!! |
| Baby, you go “beep, beep, beep!!” | Baby, you go “beep, beep, beep!!” |
| Everybody’s “partying” | Everybody’s “partying” |
| Obsessing over crazy things | Obsessing over crazy things |
| I just want serenity | I just want serenity |
| While “living it up.” | While “living it up.” |
| (HOOK) | (HOOK) |
| Like a bird, like a bird, like a bird, like a bird | Like a bird, like a bird, like a bird, like a bird |
| We fly away | We fly away |
| Like a bird, like a bird, like a bird, like a bird | Like a bird, like a bird, like a bird, like a bird |
| See those sunny days | See those sunny days |
| Like a bird, like a bird, like a bird, like a bird | Like a bird, like a bird, like a bird, like a bird |
| So hide away | So hide away |
| I’ll stop here – and take a minute to go hide away, too. | I’ll stop here – and take a minute to go hide away, too. |
| Melania, 45 | Melania, 45 |
| Born in Slovania, 1970, model Melania Knauss married Donald in 2005, the same year she appeared as the Bride of Frankenstein opposite Gilbert Godfried’s Aflac Duck character in an Aflac Insurance commercial. | Born in Slovania, 1970, model Melania Knauss married Donald in 2005, the same year she appeared as the Bride of Frankenstein opposite Gilbert Godfried’s Aflac Duck character in an Aflac Insurance commercial. |
| Here is a quote from her official bio at her official website: | Here is a quote from her official bio at her official website: |
| “In February 2010, Melania Trump announced the launch of her debut jewelry collection with QVC, ‘Melania™ Timepieces & Jewelry’. In March 2013, Melania has added to her already extensive resume her Skin Care Collection, ‘Melania™ Caviar Complexe C6.” | “In February 2010, Melania Trump announced the launch of her debut jewelry collection with QVC, ‘Melania™ Timepieces & Jewelry’. In March 2013, Melania has added to her already extensive resume her Skin Care Collection, ‘Melania™ Caviar Complexe C6.” |
| I think the word “Melania” sounds much to much like the word “melanoma” to name a skin care company after, don’t you? Also, do you think that there’s real caviar in that stuff? | I think the word “Melania” sounds much to much like the word “melanoma” to name a skin care company after, don’t you? Also, do you think that there’s real caviar in that stuff? |
| Barron, 9 | Barron, 9 |
| Born March, 2006, Donald’s youngest son likes to wear sweatpants (nice!). And he likes to play tennis (cool), baseball (awesome!), but also, sadly, his dad’s favorite sport, golf (boo!). | Born March, 2006, Donald’s youngest son likes to wear sweatpants (nice!). And he likes to play tennis (cool), baseball (awesome!), but also, sadly, his dad’s favorite sport, golf (boo!). |