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Mrs Cameron’s Diary: FGS Dave, it’s London fashion week. Is the refugee look having a moment? Mrs Cameron’s Diary: FGS Dave, it’s London Fashion Week. Is the refugee look having a moment?
(35 minutes later)
Well I know it happens every year but I said to Mummy, it never gets any easier, she’s like, just do it darling, it’s time, I’m like but everything might change, she’s like, did you ask Dave? I’m like, that is the problem, every day I’m like, tights or no tights, he’ll go, well what are people saying, I’m like, what do YOU think, he’s like, bare legs, absolutely. I’m like actually I was thinking tights, he’s like, totally, I’m like, so which, my car’s outside, he’s like, well my heart says no tights but my head says tights – sockettes? Now, babes, quick one, about the refugees, we are not taking any is that right? Well. Literally. Worst. Half. Term. EVER? As in everyone who was not skiing was basically counting sleeps until *hyperventilates* LFW, but because of SUTBW, I am not even FROW ready #lfw #fml #sutbw? Mummy’s like, oh do speak English, what is SUTBW, not something rude I hope, I’m like, God you must literally be the only person on EARTH who does not know it means Sucking Up to Boris Week, & I am i/c Boris sucking-up while Dave is away srsly if I have to take his hideous beanie *voms* one more time – omigod, there is his beanie outside, I must run & flatter him :( Mummy’s like, do not tell me you are alone, the whole world knows he is not NSAWCCTV, I’m like what, she’s like, Not Safe Anywhere Without Closed Circuit TV? I’m like, no worries, he has Marina riding pillion, Mummy’s like, well now she is a QC, I’m like excuse me, srsly, why would you even boast about quidco #weird #Johnsons.
I’m like, well FGS make your mind up it is hardly any sleeps until LFW & I am SO not ready. Dave’s like, well first my head was like no way José, then my heart was like, still, massive win for Yvette, but now my head is like, wait up dude, Corbyn will be here any minute, thank you God – I’m like, so, 20,000, say I made you? Dave’s like, OK, Strasbourg, do I go or not? I’m like, srsly whevs, my heart – correction, head slash heart – says can I please, for five minutes, get back to building what will soon be the world’s biggest luxury lifestyle brand? Mummy’s like, careful, do not forget Stanley, I’m like, on it, Nancy has promised him a complimentary world cruise, inclusive of all drinks & tips & featuring a minimum of one sumptuous dinner at the captain’s table with chef’s speciality canapes at a premier “Meet Stanley” event, if he can persuade Boris to pretend he backs Dave for a period of not less than 24 hours, Mummy’s like, speak up, what is that appalling banging noise, I’m like, Boris, obvs, practising deafening eclat, I must go & compliment him, plus Marina wants to discuss legal sovereignty before she measures the curtains & Dave will be texting any minute, appaz everyone has totes fallen for him non-swank just like I predicted #charming, the French adore the Beatrix Potter books & Dave promised the little Hungarian man a scooter if he gives in on child benefit, but now the Greek one is furious because he only got a yoyo, I mean I totally told them it should be a scented candle? Mummy’s like *export tariffs voice* but Dave will win? I’m like, are you serious *high level diplomacy face* wait until they find he has got an Etch A Sketch for every delegate, oh here is Dave now - Nancy darling! Quick, Daddy wants to know, what’s the capital of Poland? world’s biggest luxury lifestyle brand?
Mummy’s like, well before you do anything please stop Vogue sucking up to ghastly Sturgeon – SIX pages! – Willie is devastated, honestly, why do they not just come out & say this season it is all about the Mugabe-style land grab? I’m like, IKR, totes inappropes, Mugabe style has not been a thing since at least spring/summer 14, but do not forget Vogue did Mrs Assad & obvs it was not because Anna would suck up to a vicious amoral butcher IRL! Mummy’s like, are you SURE? I’m like, & just because GQ gave Oik a prize – literally you have never seen anyone so thrilled to meet David Gandy #bless – it does not mean they care about the boring old centre ground. She’s like, actually I am sure they adore it, everyone does now we know George means people like us – before you go back to your drones darling, where does one find divine Help to Buy?