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You can find the current article at its original source at http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/mar/11/gave-up-job-travelling-double-mastectomy-breast-cancer
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| Why I gave up my job to go travelling after a double mastectomy | Why I gave up my job to go travelling after a double mastectomy |
| (6 months later) | |
| As I sat in the bath last summer I decided to inspect my breasts. I lost my mum and sister to breast cancer, and I carry the faulty BRCA1 gene – which increases your chances of developing the disease (I had an 85% chance) – but despite all this it had never really worried me. On that day, however, everything changed: I felt lumps. I panicked: were they just glands, or was I riddled with cancer? I knew it was possible. I didn’t want to leave anything to chance, so I made the decision there and then to have a preventive double mastectomy. The next day I was at the doctor’s making an appointment. The process went quickly, and before I knew it I had a date for the operation. | As I sat in the bath last summer I decided to inspect my breasts. I lost my mum and sister to breast cancer, and I carry the faulty BRCA1 gene – which increases your chances of developing the disease (I had an 85% chance) – but despite all this it had never really worried me. On that day, however, everything changed: I felt lumps. I panicked: were they just glands, or was I riddled with cancer? I knew it was possible. I didn’t want to leave anything to chance, so I made the decision there and then to have a preventive double mastectomy. The next day I was at the doctor’s making an appointment. The process went quickly, and before I knew it I had a date for the operation. |
| Around the same time, Angelina Jolie made the news for her own double mastectomy, and while I was glad she’d done that, I wasn’t a successful movie star with a celebrity husband and family to boot. I was single, with no children and at the start of my career. No one in my position had spoken out about going through the operation, so I decided I would. I wanted to help other women discuss their own situations candidly. I felt extremely grateful and positive about the whole thing – my mum and sister couldn’t change their outcomes, but I could. | Around the same time, Angelina Jolie made the news for her own double mastectomy, and while I was glad she’d done that, I wasn’t a successful movie star with a celebrity husband and family to boot. I was single, with no children and at the start of my career. No one in my position had spoken out about going through the operation, so I decided I would. I wanted to help other women discuss their own situations candidly. I felt extremely grateful and positive about the whole thing – my mum and sister couldn’t change their outcomes, but I could. |
| After my surgery in January 2015, I tried to return to normal life. Prior to the operation I had been obsessed with being a successful entertainment presenter. I lived, ate and breathed my work. I pushed and pushed to break down doors and get myself out there, and it had worked: I had a job presenting for BT Sport and was doing regular slots on BBC Radio 1Xtra. But when I returned to work after my operation I felt different. I stopped pushing – something didn’t feel right. I had to sit and ask myself whether getting to the top of my career would make me truly happy. Would I feel content and at peace if I did? The answer was no. | After my surgery in January 2015, I tried to return to normal life. Prior to the operation I had been obsessed with being a successful entertainment presenter. I lived, ate and breathed my work. I pushed and pushed to break down doors and get myself out there, and it had worked: I had a job presenting for BT Sport and was doing regular slots on BBC Radio 1Xtra. But when I returned to work after my operation I felt different. I stopped pushing – something didn’t feel right. I had to sit and ask myself whether getting to the top of my career would make me truly happy. Would I feel content and at peace if I did? The answer was no. |
| Travelling had never really appealed to me, but suddenly it was all I could think about. This idea of giving up everything to see the world would not leave me. My friends questioned why I would want to leave everything I had worked so hard for. A couple of times I’d listen and push the desire to the back of my mind, but it always came back. I indulged the idea, and tried to think up TV and online video pitches that would support my new-found need to travel. I came up with several ideas and even spoke to production companies. The one thing I thought had the most chance of getting sponsored was “My life in your hands”, where people could suggest dares for me to attempt. I created a PowerPoint presentation and tried to find backing, and set my date to leave as 31 December 2015. No one was biting and I was giving up hope; which was when my dad and my stepmum offered to help me fund my trip. I sold a lot of my stuff on eBay and at car boot sales, and suddenly my crazy idea seemed just about possible. In November I booked my tickets. | Travelling had never really appealed to me, but suddenly it was all I could think about. This idea of giving up everything to see the world would not leave me. My friends questioned why I would want to leave everything I had worked so hard for. A couple of times I’d listen and push the desire to the back of my mind, but it always came back. I indulged the idea, and tried to think up TV and online video pitches that would support my new-found need to travel. I came up with several ideas and even spoke to production companies. The one thing I thought had the most chance of getting sponsored was “My life in your hands”, where people could suggest dares for me to attempt. I created a PowerPoint presentation and tried to find backing, and set my date to leave as 31 December 2015. No one was biting and I was giving up hope; which was when my dad and my stepmum offered to help me fund my trip. I sold a lot of my stuff on eBay and at car boot sales, and suddenly my crazy idea seemed just about possible. In November I booked my tickets. |
| Scary does not fully sum it up. I was questioning my sanity. I wondered what had happened to the career-driven woman I had once been. Why did I want to do something that frightened me so much? Why was this the only thing that made sense? I was confused and worried. Eventually I decided to just embrace my decision – and the moment I did I felt an overwhelming sense of freedom. I was really doing this. | Scary does not fully sum it up. I was questioning my sanity. I wondered what had happened to the career-driven woman I had once been. Why did I want to do something that frightened me so much? Why was this the only thing that made sense? I was confused and worried. Eventually I decided to just embrace my decision – and the moment I did I felt an overwhelming sense of freedom. I was really doing this. |
| I’ve now been away for two and a half months. Sometimes it’s tough, but these are the times I learn the most about myself. There is nowhere to run or hide from my own thoughts, beliefs and feelings, which means I’m working on myself a bit at a time – and that is exactly what I wanted. | I’ve now been away for two and a half months. Sometimes it’s tough, but these are the times I learn the most about myself. There is nowhere to run or hide from my own thoughts, beliefs and feelings, which means I’m working on myself a bit at a time – and that is exactly what I wanted. |
| I have realised that peace, happiness and contentment aren’t things you attain when you get the right job, meet the right person or live in the dream house. They are internal shifts in what you believe and how you think. They are obtained not by getting or buying lots of things, but by turning your attention inwards and seeing what’s there. Asking yourself what should be there and what shouldn’t. It’s about taking a look at what we believe and how we think about ourselves, our world and other people. From my travels, I’ve realised that ultimately it is this that determines how we see the world we live in. | I have realised that peace, happiness and contentment aren’t things you attain when you get the right job, meet the right person or live in the dream house. They are internal shifts in what you believe and how you think. They are obtained not by getting or buying lots of things, but by turning your attention inwards and seeing what’s there. Asking yourself what should be there and what shouldn’t. It’s about taking a look at what we believe and how we think about ourselves, our world and other people. From my travels, I’ve realised that ultimately it is this that determines how we see the world we live in. |