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I hate to be a Jeremiah, but Boaty is doomed to disappoint I hate to be a Jeremiah, but Boaty is doomed to disappoint
(6 days later)
MondayMonday
Much as I’m enjoying the internet campaign to name the new research vessel Boaty McBoatface, I find myself siding with the killjoys. Not because there is anything intrinsically wrong about calling a boat Boaty McBoatface, but because I feel it puts unfair pressure on the boat to come up with interesting and fun research. Just imagine the shame if the best finding it ever managed was that there were five fewer puffins on an deserted island than the previous year.Much as I’m enjoying the internet campaign to name the new research vessel Boaty McBoatface, I find myself siding with the killjoys. Not because there is anything intrinsically wrong about calling a boat Boaty McBoatface, but because I feel it puts unfair pressure on the boat to come up with interesting and fun research. Just imagine the shame if the best finding it ever managed was that there were five fewer puffins on an deserted island than the previous year.
I write with feeling as my father decided to call his dog Jeremiah. I never recovered from the embarrassment of having to shout “Jeremiah” out loud when the dog went walkabout or having to explain that he wasn’t a prophet of doom but just a bit dim. Jeremiah’s crowning achievement was to pole his eye out on a tent peg during my sister’s wedding. My advice would be to call Boaty McBoatface something like Ian or Colin. After that, anything it did would be interesting. I write with feeling as my father decided to call his dog Jeremiah. I never recovered from the embarrassment of having to shout “Jeremiah” out loud when the dog went walkabout or having to explain that he wasn’t a prophet of doom but just a bit dim. Jeremiah’s crowning achievement was to poke his eye out on a tent peg during my sister’s wedding. My advice would be to call Boaty McBoatface something like Ian or Colin. After that, anything it did would be interesting.
TuesdayTuesday
How much of Cuba did Barack Obama really get to see? My guess is he probably chose to avoid the bloodstained Che Guevara paraphernalia in the Museum of the Revolution, or the Bay of Pigs, which were two of the highlights of my visit to the island last year.How much of Cuba did Barack Obama really get to see? My guess is he probably chose to avoid the bloodstained Che Guevara paraphernalia in the Museum of the Revolution, or the Bay of Pigs, which were two of the highlights of my visit to the island last year.
Swings and roundabouts, though, as the US president almost certainly didn’t find himself stranded in a storm-driven third rate Club Med imitation bunker on Cayo Santa Maria for three days with a wife ill in bed, surrounded by hundreds of pissed Italians dancing to 1970s disco. Hopefully, the president was also spared the Buena Vista Social Club; the music is still first-rate, but the Old Havana venue has turned into a destination for tourists of a certain age – I include myself here – to indulge their Ry Cooder fantasies. It had all the edge of a Viking River Cruise – and much the same clientele I should imagine – and felt more like a salsa theme park than authentic Cuba.Swings and roundabouts, though, as the US president almost certainly didn’t find himself stranded in a storm-driven third rate Club Med imitation bunker on Cayo Santa Maria for three days with a wife ill in bed, surrounded by hundreds of pissed Italians dancing to 1970s disco. Hopefully, the president was also spared the Buena Vista Social Club; the music is still first-rate, but the Old Havana venue has turned into a destination for tourists of a certain age – I include myself here – to indulge their Ry Cooder fantasies. It had all the edge of a Viking River Cruise – and much the same clientele I should imagine – and felt more like a salsa theme park than authentic Cuba.
WednesdayWednesday
If you’re going to make a list of all the people you don’t like, it’s probably not a good idea to leave it in a bar where any number of journalists might find it. Just who drew up the list of Labour MPs who were “core”, “core plus”, “neutral”, “core negative” or “hostile” to Jeremy Corbyn has been the subject of much Westminster gossip. Current favourites are Katy Clark, the Labour MP who lost her seat in the 2015 general election and is now Corbyn’s political secretary, or two of the dimmer junior whips. My hunch is it’s the whips at fault, if only because they went out of their way to point to their boss, chief whip Rosie Winterton, as a hostile – always dob your boss in – and managed to get so many of the other MPs into the wrong categories. Numerous Labour MPs have been wandering through the Commons outraged to find themselves labelled as neutral or core negative rather than straightforwardly hostile.If you’re going to make a list of all the people you don’t like, it’s probably not a good idea to leave it in a bar where any number of journalists might find it. Just who drew up the list of Labour MPs who were “core”, “core plus”, “neutral”, “core negative” or “hostile” to Jeremy Corbyn has been the subject of much Westminster gossip. Current favourites are Katy Clark, the Labour MP who lost her seat in the 2015 general election and is now Corbyn’s political secretary, or two of the dimmer junior whips. My hunch is it’s the whips at fault, if only because they went out of their way to point to their boss, chief whip Rosie Winterton, as a hostile – always dob your boss in – and managed to get so many of the other MPs into the wrong categories. Numerous Labour MPs have been wandering through the Commons outraged to find themselves labelled as neutral or core negative rather than straightforwardly hostile.
ThursdayThursday
David Cameron has flown to Lanzarote for a week because he wants some time alone to think about the hideous torment he’s got lined up for Princess Duncan Smith, Boris, George and all the other Tories who have been making his life a misery. Some might wonder why Dave didn’t choose the Lake District – earlier this year he was urging everyone else to go there – but as long as we’re not subjected to the usual photos of him pointing at dead fish I’m happy for him to go where he likes. The country needs the break as much as he does. And Lanzarote is lovely. Just one word of advice. Choose your beaches carefully. Years ago we’d just made ourself comfortable on a stretch of black sand when our then six-year old son asked, “Why is no one wearing any clothes?” It turned out we were on the German nudist beach.David Cameron has flown to Lanzarote for a week because he wants some time alone to think about the hideous torment he’s got lined up for Princess Duncan Smith, Boris, George and all the other Tories who have been making his life a misery. Some might wonder why Dave didn’t choose the Lake District – earlier this year he was urging everyone else to go there – but as long as we’re not subjected to the usual photos of him pointing at dead fish I’m happy for him to go where he likes. The country needs the break as much as he does. And Lanzarote is lovely. Just one word of advice. Choose your beaches carefully. Years ago we’d just made ourself comfortable on a stretch of black sand when our then six-year old son asked, “Why is no one wearing any clothes?” It turned out we were on the German nudist beach.
FridayFriday
On the day JK Rowling posted her Robert Galbraith rejection letters on Twitter, what is thought to be the world’s oldest letter of complaint, found on a clay tablet in the ancient city of Ur in southern Iraq, was also published. It was written in cuneiform script in 1750BC by a bloke called Nanni who is unhappy with some copper ingots he ordered. He wrote: “You put ingots which were not good before my messenger and said ‘If you want to take them, take them, if you do not want to take them, go away. What do you take me for?’” Nanni must have been quite pissed off to spend hours carving this in clay, and I can only hope he got his ingot upgrade. But maybe not. Three times a year I receive an abusive letter from the same reader who tells me I’m the worst writer the Guardian has ever employed and why haven’t I been sacked. Each time, I mean to write back to suggest he just ignores anything with my byline attached, but never get round to it. Persistence doesn’t always pay off.On the day JK Rowling posted her Robert Galbraith rejection letters on Twitter, what is thought to be the world’s oldest letter of complaint, found on a clay tablet in the ancient city of Ur in southern Iraq, was also published. It was written in cuneiform script in 1750BC by a bloke called Nanni who is unhappy with some copper ingots he ordered. He wrote: “You put ingots which were not good before my messenger and said ‘If you want to take them, take them, if you do not want to take them, go away. What do you take me for?’” Nanni must have been quite pissed off to spend hours carving this in clay, and I can only hope he got his ingot upgrade. But maybe not. Three times a year I receive an abusive letter from the same reader who tells me I’m the worst writer the Guardian has ever employed and why haven’t I been sacked. Each time, I mean to write back to suggest he just ignores anything with my byline attached, but never get round to it. Persistence doesn’t always pay off.
Digested week digestedDigested week digested
A U turn is not a U turn. It is listening and learning.A U turn is not a U turn. It is listening and learning.