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You can find the current article at its original source at http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/mar/30/ban-flirting-in-taxis-cab-drivers
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| Ban flirting in taxis? Yes please | Ban flirting in taxis? Yes please |
| (35 minutes later) | |
| “You’re not presenting yourself in the best light for marriage,” he said, and if you think he was my partner, or a male relative, or a friend, or a millionaire matchmaker, or anyone who might have a legitimate opinion to share on the topic of how weddable I am, then I’m afraid that you are wrong. The man offering this sage advice was driving a taxi through midtown New York on Monday, and I was his passenger. | “You’re not presenting yourself in the best light for marriage,” he said, and if you think he was my partner, or a male relative, or a friend, or a millionaire matchmaker, or anyone who might have a legitimate opinion to share on the topic of how weddable I am, then I’m afraid that you are wrong. The man offering this sage advice was driving a taxi through midtown New York on Monday, and I was his passenger. |
| Why my love life is brought up so often when I am in a taxi — which it does about a quarter of the time — is a phenomenon that perplexes me, but one which I’ve experienced in London, in Berlin (“Haben Sie ein Mann?”), and now in New York. And in talking to other women, I know that I am not alone (well, not in this respect, at least). So I welcomed the news this week that in the Big Apple, regulations are being proposed to fine drivers who “engaging in any conversation related to sexual acts and sexual contact, or any other matter relating to ... gender, physical appearance, expressing a desire to see or touch another person’s body or expressing a desire to enter into any type of relationship with another person.” I think, or at least hope, that “telling a woman why she’s undesirable” should fall under the aegis of this rule. | Why my love life is brought up so often when I am in a taxi — which it does about a quarter of the time — is a phenomenon that perplexes me, but one which I’ve experienced in London, in Berlin (“Haben Sie ein Mann?”), and now in New York. And in talking to other women, I know that I am not alone (well, not in this respect, at least). So I welcomed the news this week that in the Big Apple, regulations are being proposed to fine drivers who “engaging in any conversation related to sexual acts and sexual contact, or any other matter relating to ... gender, physical appearance, expressing a desire to see or touch another person’s body or expressing a desire to enter into any type of relationship with another person.” I think, or at least hope, that “telling a woman why she’s undesirable” should fall under the aegis of this rule. |
| Yes, it is clear that I am in part responsible for the conversations that I have with taxi drivers: if I’m in the back of someone’s cab and they’re in the mood for a chat, then I won’t sit haughty silence. I like to meet new people. The drivers who don’t want to discuss my romantic prospects have very interesting things to talk about – insights about the neighborhood, politics, chat about how long we’ve respectively lived in New York. Some tell great jokes and one gave me an album full of amazing photographs from his previous career as an airline pilot to look at while I passed the time on the lengthy trip from Brooklyn to Newark Airport. But “Are you married?” remains one of the most common questions, and if I don’t remember to mention my imaginary husband Frank — he’s tall, handsome, has a great sense of humor, is a former professional MMA fighter or a very litigious lawyer — then the analysis of why not begins. | Yes, it is clear that I am in part responsible for the conversations that I have with taxi drivers: if I’m in the back of someone’s cab and they’re in the mood for a chat, then I won’t sit haughty silence. I like to meet new people. The drivers who don’t want to discuss my romantic prospects have very interesting things to talk about – insights about the neighborhood, politics, chat about how long we’ve respectively lived in New York. Some tell great jokes and one gave me an album full of amazing photographs from his previous career as an airline pilot to look at while I passed the time on the lengthy trip from Brooklyn to Newark Airport. But “Are you married?” remains one of the most common questions, and if I don’t remember to mention my imaginary husband Frank — he’s tall, handsome, has a great sense of humor, is a former professional MMA fighter or a very litigious lawyer — then the analysis of why not begins. |
| A London cabbie told me what a woman like me needs is 'a man who'll slap you around and make love to you afterwards' | |
| A common argument against the kind of legislation that’s been proposed is that women who complain about attempts at romance-themed taxi banter are being hypersensitive, excessively PC. And I recognize that it’s often harmless, and sometimes well-meaning: people assume that love and relationships are what women like to talk about, in the way that it’s often assumed that men will always be happy to talk about sports (poor men!). But well-meaning doesn’t mean that it’s not very tiresome to have to buckle in to be quizzed and advised about my love life. | A common argument against the kind of legislation that’s been proposed is that women who complain about attempts at romance-themed taxi banter are being hypersensitive, excessively PC. And I recognize that it’s often harmless, and sometimes well-meaning: people assume that love and relationships are what women like to talk about, in the way that it’s often assumed that men will always be happy to talk about sports (poor men!). But well-meaning doesn’t mean that it’s not very tiresome to have to buckle in to be quizzed and advised about my love life. |
| And sometimes it’s a little sinister. Concern for my safety has also influenced how I participate in these discussions: as a passenger, you are a truly a captive audience, unless you want to fling yourself out at a traffic light, something that I considered doing when a London cabbie cheerfully told me that what a woman like me needs is “a man who will slap you around and then make love to you afterwards”. I was coming home from a party at 4 am, and after some panicked consideration I decided that I was a little safer in his licensed cab than on the side of a deserted road in East London. But just a little. | And sometimes it’s a little sinister. Concern for my safety has also influenced how I participate in these discussions: as a passenger, you are a truly a captive audience, unless you want to fling yourself out at a traffic light, something that I considered doing when a London cabbie cheerfully told me that what a woman like me needs is “a man who will slap you around and then make love to you afterwards”. I was coming home from a party at 4 am, and after some panicked consideration I decided that I was a little safer in his licensed cab than on the side of a deserted road in East London. But just a little. |
| Making it a fine-able offense for a taxi driver to tell me that the reason I’m not in a relationship is because “you’re too educated” would be nice. But why not some positive reinforcement of good taxi behavior, as well? Simply pasting a list of possible conversation topics on the inside of the cab door alongside the fare rules would ease the ride for driver and passenger alike: What’s your favorite cheese? Dogs or cats? How old were you when you recognized the intrinsic fallibility of the human spirit? Would you rather have lips for eyebrows or eyebrows for lips? It could only result in happier customers, better-entertained drivers, bigger tips. And a marked reduction in the sounds of muffled sobbing emerging from back seats. | Making it a fine-able offense for a taxi driver to tell me that the reason I’m not in a relationship is because “you’re too educated” would be nice. But why not some positive reinforcement of good taxi behavior, as well? Simply pasting a list of possible conversation topics on the inside of the cab door alongside the fare rules would ease the ride for driver and passenger alike: What’s your favorite cheese? Dogs or cats? How old were you when you recognized the intrinsic fallibility of the human spirit? Would you rather have lips for eyebrows or eyebrows for lips? It could only result in happier customers, better-entertained drivers, bigger tips. And a marked reduction in the sounds of muffled sobbing emerging from back seats. |