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| Love wins: Guardian marriage equality forum feels the passion | Love wins: Guardian marriage equality forum feels the passion |
| (5 months later) | |
| Andrew Bolt derided it as a “leftie love-in” – a Guardian Australia special event on marriage equality featuring political leaders Bill Shorten and Richard Di Natale, and veteran campaigner Rodney Croome. | Andrew Bolt derided it as a “leftie love-in” – a Guardian Australia special event on marriage equality featuring political leaders Bill Shorten and Richard Di Natale, and veteran campaigner Rodney Croome. |
| Why Knot? had all the hallmarks. A progressive panel of speakers, check. Gathered at an inner-city theatre, check. An audience who saw marriage equality as vital to LGBTI people’s dignity, check. | Why Knot? had all the hallmarks. A progressive panel of speakers, check. Gathered at an inner-city theatre, check. An audience who saw marriage equality as vital to LGBTI people’s dignity, check. |
| What more was there to learn about a legal change that, according to all the polling evidence, most Australians just want to be done and dusted? As speakers shared their personal anecdotes of wanting recognition for their partnerships, or facing discrimination because they were raised by gay parents, the answer was clear: until marriage equality is law, there is still plenty more to say. | What more was there to learn about a legal change that, according to all the polling evidence, most Australians just want to be done and dusted? As speakers shared their personal anecdotes of wanting recognition for their partnerships, or facing discrimination because they were raised by gay parents, the answer was clear: until marriage equality is law, there is still plenty more to say. |
| Croome, Australian Marriage Equality’s national director, related a story about his family’s Easter celebration in regional Tasmania. He had just celebrated his 10- year anniversary with his partner, Raf, and overheard his mother telling his relatives: “I think of him as my son-in-law.” | Croome, Australian Marriage Equality’s national director, related a story about his family’s Easter celebration in regional Tasmania. He had just celebrated his 10- year anniversary with his partner, Raf, and overheard his mother telling his relatives: “I think of him as my son-in-law.” |
| Marriage equality meant formal recognition and the chance for his mother to say: “He is my son-in-law.” | Marriage equality meant formal recognition and the chance for his mother to say: “He is my son-in-law.” |
| The host, David Marr, said same-sex marriage was “a profound change that Australia wants to happen – there’s been no doubt about it for years”. Bringing up the lights to a show of hands of those personally affected by the ban, it was clear the largely LGBTI audience agreed. | The host, David Marr, said same-sex marriage was “a profound change that Australia wants to happen – there’s been no doubt about it for years”. Bringing up the lights to a show of hands of those personally affected by the ban, it was clear the largely LGBTI audience agreed. |
| Marr quipped that the panel featured two “gaybies” – shaggy-haired union staffer Ben Davison and an unassuming but confident 16-year-old, Ally Hocking Howe. Both were brought up in happy, healthy homes by two mothers. | Marr quipped that the panel featured two “gaybies” – shaggy-haired union staffer Ben Davison and an unassuming but confident 16-year-old, Ally Hocking Howe. Both were brought up in happy, healthy homes by two mothers. |
| Davison recounted being bullied when growing up in rural Victoria, including having his pets killed, his house ransacked and the walls scrawled with homophobic abuse. | Davison recounted being bullied when growing up in rural Victoria, including having his pets killed, his house ransacked and the walls scrawled with homophobic abuse. |
| Speaking in defence of the Safe Schools anti-bullying program, Davison recalled bringing his mother’s partner to show-and-tell to let bullies know he felt no shame in “not having a dad”, a taunt he heard many times. | Speaking in defence of the Safe Schools anti-bullying program, Davison recalled bringing his mother’s partner to show-and-tell to let bullies know he felt no shame in “not having a dad”, a taunt he heard many times. |
| Hocking Howe recounted being shocked by Don’t Mess With Marriage booklets sent to Catholic schools, which did not fit her Catholic school’s ethos of acceptance of diversity. The booklet implied her childhood was a deprived one and her mothers’ relationship one of false love, that she was “longing for an upbringing worthy of respect” she said, aghast. | Hocking Howe recounted being shocked by Don’t Mess With Marriage booklets sent to Catholic schools, which did not fit her Catholic school’s ethos of acceptance of diversity. The booklet implied her childhood was a deprived one and her mothers’ relationship one of false love, that she was “longing for an upbringing worthy of respect” she said, aghast. |
| Hocking Howe cited the terrible rate of suicide and depression among LGBTI youth: “It is not sexuality that is adding to this problem. It’s the ignorance and prejudice of others.” | Hocking Howe cited the terrible rate of suicide and depression among LGBTI youth: “It is not sexuality that is adding to this problem. It’s the ignorance and prejudice of others.” |
| A former New South Wales premier, Kristina Keneally, agreed. She recounted her long march through Catholic institutions and seeing saw LGBTI friends suffering misery, frustration and loneliness because of “the church’s very warped teaching on homosexuality”. Nobody chooses a sexuality that brings such pain, she said. | A former New South Wales premier, Kristina Keneally, agreed. She recounted her long march through Catholic institutions and seeing saw LGBTI friends suffering misery, frustration and loneliness because of “the church’s very warped teaching on homosexuality”. Nobody chooses a sexuality that brings such pain, she said. |
| “The church teaches that a person’s sexual orientation is valid; it is the acting upon it that is sinful ... In my mind, that would seem God’s cruel joke,” she said. | “The church teaches that a person’s sexual orientation is valid; it is the acting upon it that is sinful ... In my mind, that would seem God’s cruel joke,” she said. |
| Keneally said the goodness of a sexual act does not lie in gender of people involved, but rather their willingness – and love – for each other. | Keneally said the goodness of a sexual act does not lie in gender of people involved, but rather their willingness – and love – for each other. |
| Reading a passage from the US writer David Sedaris, Australian writer Benjamin Law suggested he was at first ambivalent about “the fight to be as square as straight people” and joked: “I wanted [marriage] to be ours to spit on.” | Reading a passage from the US writer David Sedaris, Australian writer Benjamin Law suggested he was at first ambivalent about “the fight to be as square as straight people” and joked: “I wanted [marriage] to be ours to spit on.” |
| He said there are other fish to fry in the battle for equality, including helping LGBTI youth who face discrimination and people in repressive countries who face being beaten, killed or imprisoned for their sexuality. | He said there are other fish to fry in the battle for equality, including helping LGBTI youth who face discrimination and people in repressive countries who face being beaten, killed or imprisoned for their sexuality. |
| But whether it’s marriage equality or issues such as retaining Safe Schools, getting the HIV-prevention drug Prep on to the pharmaceutical benefits scheme, or preventing the forced divorce of trans people who want to legally marry: “They all stem from the same root problem. Many still hate people they call faggots, dykes, poofters and trannies.” | But whether it’s marriage equality or issues such as retaining Safe Schools, getting the HIV-prevention drug Prep on to the pharmaceutical benefits scheme, or preventing the forced divorce of trans people who want to legally marry: “They all stem from the same root problem. Many still hate people they call faggots, dykes, poofters and trannies.” |
| The Guardian Australia columnist Van Badham gave a feminist take on the virtue of same-sex marriage changing the centuries-old institution. | The Guardian Australia columnist Van Badham gave a feminist take on the virtue of same-sex marriage changing the centuries-old institution. |
| “We need to build an institution of marriage that is based on love, not on power, not on exploitation or the forced subservience of women,” she said. | “We need to build an institution of marriage that is based on love, not on power, not on exploitation or the forced subservience of women,” she said. |
| The audience was pleased to hear strong commitments from Shorten and Di Natale. Shorten pledged not to expand anti-discrimination law exemptions to allow bakers or other goods and services providers to refuse to serve gay weddings. He reiterated his pledge to bring a marriage equality bill to a vote within 100 days if elected. | The audience was pleased to hear strong commitments from Shorten and Di Natale. Shorten pledged not to expand anti-discrimination law exemptions to allow bakers or other goods and services providers to refuse to serve gay weddings. He reiterated his pledge to bring a marriage equality bill to a vote within 100 days if elected. |
| Di Natale said the message a ban on same-sex marriage sent was that if you’re not straight, the love for your partner is different, and is considered not as strong, or less important. “That’s effectively prejudice,” he said. | Di Natale said the message a ban on same-sex marriage sent was that if you’re not straight, the love for your partner is different, and is considered not as strong, or less important. “That’s effectively prejudice,” he said. |
| He backed a move for parliament to vote on marriage equality as early as 18 April after Labor had suggested since parliament has been recalled it should debate the issue. “That’s a possibility. We need to put as much pressure on [prime minister Malcolm] Turnbull for a conscience vote as possible.” | He backed a move for parliament to vote on marriage equality as early as 18 April after Labor had suggested since parliament has been recalled it should debate the issue. “That’s a possibility. We need to put as much pressure on [prime minister Malcolm] Turnbull for a conscience vote as possible.” |
| The politicians were encouraged by Marr into a minor scrap about whether MPs should be bound to vote for same-sex marriage. Di Natale suggested Australians wanted the law changed and if this was achieved by binding Labor MPs, so be it. Keneally argued social change is best effected with community consensus not compulsion. | The politicians were encouraged by Marr into a minor scrap about whether MPs should be bound to vote for same-sex marriage. Di Natale suggested Australians wanted the law changed and if this was achieved by binding Labor MPs, so be it. Keneally argued social change is best effected with community consensus not compulsion. |
| Shorten had the simplest suggestion: “If you want to have marriage equality you need to change the government.” | Shorten had the simplest suggestion: “If you want to have marriage equality you need to change the government.” |
| The Labor leader lashed out at same-sex marriage opponents, saying they tended also to judge divorced and single parents, not just gay couples. | The Labor leader lashed out at same-sex marriage opponents, saying they tended also to judge divorced and single parents, not just gay couples. |
| “I live in a blended family, with stepchildren who I consider my children … Families come in all shapes and sizes. I bitterly resent when I hear people judging other people’s relationships. Until you’re in that relationship, get out of my life. | “I live in a blended family, with stepchildren who I consider my children … Families come in all shapes and sizes. I bitterly resent when I hear people judging other people’s relationships. Until you’re in that relationship, get out of my life. |
| “The religious right don’t define what a family is.” | “The religious right don’t define what a family is.” |
| Croome warned a marriage equality plebiscite would be expensive and divisive: “People with deep prejudice and hatred given the biggest megaphone they’ve ever had.” | Croome warned a marriage equality plebiscite would be expensive and divisive: “People with deep prejudice and hatred given the biggest megaphone they’ve ever had.” |
| He laid out a way ahead. If a Coalition government could not be persuaded to ditch plans for a plebiscite after the election, the audience should take the fight to Lismore, Dubbo and Toowoomba. | He laid out a way ahead. If a Coalition government could not be persuaded to ditch plans for a plebiscite after the election, the audience should take the fight to Lismore, Dubbo and Toowoomba. |
| Why Knot? may have featured furious agreement about the importance of marriage equality, but sometimes it takes a love-in to remind you why it’s important that love wins. | Why Knot? may have featured furious agreement about the importance of marriage equality, but sometimes it takes a love-in to remind you why it’s important that love wins. |