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| 'Clean Enough Dave' wages war on class A tax avoidance | 'Clean Enough Dave' wages war on class A tax avoidance |
| (5 months later) | |
| David Cameron flashed his teeth. Whiter than white. “My name’s Dave and I’m a tax avoider,” he said defiantly. Proudly even. He may have been in denial about it during the previous week when it had taken six separate clarifications and the publication of his tax return to get to the truth about his finances, but now he wanted to set the record straight in a statement to the Commons about the Panama Papers. See me, feel me, touch me. | David Cameron flashed his teeth. Whiter than white. “My name’s Dave and I’m a tax avoider,” he said defiantly. Proudly even. He may have been in denial about it during the previous week when it had taken six separate clarifications and the publication of his tax return to get to the truth about his finances, but now he wanted to set the record straight in a statement to the Commons about the Panama Papers. See me, feel me, touch me. |
| Having reached this state of acceptance, the prime minister was keen to share his confession. Yes, he had indulged in a little tax avoidance, but there was nothing remotely harmful about it. It was just light-hearted, recreational tax avoidance, the sort of thing that a lot of ordinary people with a few million quid in the bank got up to in the privacy of their own homes, and he wasn’t ashamed of it. Far from it. Dave was proud of himself, proud of his dad and proud of their joint clean time. | Having reached this state of acceptance, the prime minister was keen to share his confession. Yes, he had indulged in a little tax avoidance, but there was nothing remotely harmful about it. It was just light-hearted, recreational tax avoidance, the sort of thing that a lot of ordinary people with a few million quid in the bank got up to in the privacy of their own homes, and he wasn’t ashamed of it. Far from it. Dave was proud of himself, proud of his dad and proud of their joint clean time. |
| Clean Dave also sounded as if he might have been just a touch relieved that the charge sheet against him did not stack up quite so badly as he had first feared, but he tried not to let that show. Now that he had come to add up his income and assets, it was blindingly obvious that he was hard done by compared with a lot of people he knew. The £200k his mother had handed over to him out of his father’s estate had really been no more than chicken feed. Hardly worth having. You couldn’t even buy a one-bedroom flat in Croydon for that. Dave wasn’t just clean; he was also broke. | Clean Dave also sounded as if he might have been just a touch relieved that the charge sheet against him did not stack up quite so badly as he had first feared, but he tried not to let that show. Now that he had come to add up his income and assets, it was blindingly obvious that he was hard done by compared with a lot of people he knew. The £200k his mother had handed over to him out of his father’s estate had really been no more than chicken feed. Hardly worth having. You couldn’t even buy a one-bedroom flat in Croydon for that. Dave wasn’t just clean; he was also broke. |
| Indulging in a little bit of class C tax avoidance was perfectly healthy. What he wanted to clamp down on were people using dangerous class A tax avoidance, because one thing always tended to lead to another and without governmental, therapeutic intervention, these unfortunates could find themselves in the grip of full-blown tax evasion. So he, Clean Dave, who had already done more than any other prime minister to prevent people sliding into tax evasion hell, was going to do a little bit more to tighten up offshore tax havens. | Indulging in a little bit of class C tax avoidance was perfectly healthy. What he wanted to clamp down on were people using dangerous class A tax avoidance, because one thing always tended to lead to another and without governmental, therapeutic intervention, these unfortunates could find themselves in the grip of full-blown tax evasion. So he, Clean Dave, who had already done more than any other prime minister to prevent people sliding into tax evasion hell, was going to do a little bit more to tighten up offshore tax havens. |
| With his own tax return – the highlights of which were a £100 fine for late filing and the revelation that Clean Dave paid more in tax than the leader of the opposition earned – published just minutes into Clean Dave’s statement, Jeremy Corbyn began his reply by asking whether Cameron understood the public’s anger that there appeared to be one rule for the rich and another for the riff-raff. Allowing people to avoid paying tax might be legal, but was it moral when ordinary people were the ones taking the austerity hit? This was a theme also raised by Conservative Andrew Tyrie, the chairman of the treasury select committee, who was on the way out of the chamber when called by the speaker, John Bercow. | With his own tax return – the highlights of which were a £100 fine for late filing and the revelation that Clean Dave paid more in tax than the leader of the opposition earned – published just minutes into Clean Dave’s statement, Jeremy Corbyn began his reply by asking whether Cameron understood the public’s anger that there appeared to be one rule for the rich and another for the riff-raff. Allowing people to avoid paying tax might be legal, but was it moral when ordinary people were the ones taking the austerity hit? This was a theme also raised by Conservative Andrew Tyrie, the chairman of the treasury select committee, who was on the way out of the chamber when called by the speaker, John Bercow. |
| “The only thing the prime minister has done wrong is to criticise the comedian Jimmy Carr for being morally repugnant in his tax affairs,” he said. “Tax avoidance is legal. If the law is wrong, then it needs to be changed.” Tyrie’s idea of where the legal line ought to be drawn is not quite so chillaxed as many on the Conservative frontbench and Cameron did not look best pleased to be pushed to the moral lower ground or to be reminded that he had brought most of his difficulties on himself. | “The only thing the prime minister has done wrong is to criticise the comedian Jimmy Carr for being morally repugnant in his tax affairs,” he said. “Tax avoidance is legal. If the law is wrong, then it needs to be changed.” Tyrie’s idea of where the legal line ought to be drawn is not quite so chillaxed as many on the Conservative frontbench and Cameron did not look best pleased to be pushed to the moral lower ground or to be reminded that he had brought most of his difficulties on himself. |
| Other Conservatives were more forgiving of his difficulties and what they perceived as the synthetic indignation of the opposition. “Labour just hates people who are rich,” said Sir Alan Duncan, a man possessed of a large fortune but little intelligence. If the laws on tax avoidance were tightened, parliament would be “stuffed full of low achievers who hate enterprise and know nothing about the outside world”. Clean Dave began to wonder what he had ever seen in the millionaire Alan Duncan. Calling the proles a bunch of useless, workshy failures is not a good look for a party trying to lose its nasty tag. | Other Conservatives were more forgiving of his difficulties and what they perceived as the synthetic indignation of the opposition. “Labour just hates people who are rich,” said Sir Alan Duncan, a man possessed of a large fortune but little intelligence. If the laws on tax avoidance were tightened, parliament would be “stuffed full of low achievers who hate enterprise and know nothing about the outside world”. Clean Dave began to wonder what he had ever seen in the millionaire Alan Duncan. Calling the proles a bunch of useless, workshy failures is not a good look for a party trying to lose its nasty tag. |
| Labour’s Dennis Skinner was determined to keep it personal. “Dodgy Dave,” he spat, looking expectantly towards the speaker, hoping to be challenged. Sure enough, Bercow asked him to withdraw that word. | Labour’s Dennis Skinner was determined to keep it personal. “Dodgy Dave,” he spat, looking expectantly towards the speaker, hoping to be challenged. Sure enough, Bercow asked him to withdraw that word. |
| “What word?” asked Skinner. | “What word?” asked Skinner. |
| “The word beginning with d and ending with y.” | “The word beginning with d and ending with y.” |
| “No chance.” | “No chance.” |
| “In which case I shall have to ask the honourable gentleman to withdraw from the chamber for the remainder of the session.” | “In which case I shall have to ask the honourable gentleman to withdraw from the chamber for the remainder of the session.” |
| Skinner wandered off happily, muttering “Dodgy Dave” over and over again to himself. Mission accomplished. Dodgy Dave did his best to look confused. Hadn’t the message got through? OK, so he might not be Clean Dave but he was Clean Enough Dave. He’d see this crisis out. Sure he would. Day at a time. | Skinner wandered off happily, muttering “Dodgy Dave” over and over again to himself. Mission accomplished. Dodgy Dave did his best to look confused. Hadn’t the message got through? OK, so he might not be Clean Dave but he was Clean Enough Dave. He’d see this crisis out. Sure he would. Day at a time. |
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