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| Muddy Dave makes himself absolutely clear on tax havens and stuff | Muddy Dave makes himself absolutely clear on tax havens and stuff |
| (35 minutes later) | |
| When the prime minister prefaces his remarks with “let me make myself absolutely clear”, you can be fairly certain he is about to be anything but. Sure enough, David Cameron was at peak opacity for his first prime minister’s questions since being wrongfooted over his own finances by the publication of the Panama Papers. With silence not an option, white noise is always a decent fallback option. | When the prime minister prefaces his remarks with “let me make myself absolutely clear”, you can be fairly certain he is about to be anything but. Sure enough, David Cameron was at peak opacity for his first prime minister’s questions since being wrongfooted over his own finances by the publication of the Panama Papers. With silence not an option, white noise is always a decent fallback option. |
| Dave has a distracted air these days, as if he’s not quite sure where the next disaster is going to come from: steel, tax havens, eurosceptics, pigeons. Normally, though, he can be fairly confident that the one person who won’t be doing him any damage is the Labour leader, although in these troubled, topsy-turvy times anything was possible. | Dave has a distracted air these days, as if he’s not quite sure where the next disaster is going to come from: steel, tax havens, eurosceptics, pigeons. Normally, though, he can be fairly confident that the one person who won’t be doing him any damage is the Labour leader, although in these troubled, topsy-turvy times anything was possible. |
| An early sign that Dave was not quite himself came when Jeremy Corbyn upstaged him by paying tribute to the playwright Arnold Wesker who had died earlier that day. Dave is normally well abreast of any celebrity deaths and seldom misses an opportunity to praise “Danny the Police Dog who slightly injured his front paw in the line of duty” but this time he was completely stumped. Arnold who? “Let me make myself absolutely clear,” said Muddy Dave, “I’d also like to pay tribute to... um, er, this playwrighty chappy whoever he was.” | An early sign that Dave was not quite himself came when Jeremy Corbyn upstaged him by paying tribute to the playwright Arnold Wesker who had died earlier that day. Dave is normally well abreast of any celebrity deaths and seldom misses an opportunity to praise “Danny the Police Dog who slightly injured his front paw in the line of duty” but this time he was completely stumped. Arnold who? “Let me make myself absolutely clear,” said Muddy Dave, “I’d also like to pay tribute to... um, er, this playwrighty chappy whoever he was.” |
| Related: Cameron v Corbyn PMQs verdict: PM grilled over Panama papers | Related: Cameron v Corbyn PMQs verdict: PM grilled over Panama papers |
| As homage to the angry young man, Corbyn did his best to present himself as an angry old man. If the government was so determined to clean up the tax system, he asked, could the PM explain why Conservative MEPs had voted against measures to close tax loopholes and keep a register of those who were benefiting from such schemes? | |
| “Let me make myself absolutely clear,” said Muddy Dave before completely ignoring the question and answering one of his own: “No government has done more to tackle tax avoidance and tax evasion than this one.” That’s because the only way his government could have done less is by doing absolutely nothing; Labour’s own record in office doesn’t bear too much close scrutiny. | “Let me make myself absolutely clear,” said Muddy Dave before completely ignoring the question and answering one of his own: “No government has done more to tackle tax avoidance and tax evasion than this one.” That’s because the only way his government could have done less is by doing absolutely nothing; Labour’s own record in office doesn’t bear too much close scrutiny. |
| Muddy Dave tried making a gag about Corbyn’s late tax return, a mis-step that backfired when the Labour leader drily observed that he had paid more tax than companies owned by people the prime minister knew well. Muddy Dave turned a nasty shade of purple as he tried to work out whether Corbyn had been talking about his late father’s company or the chancellor’s soft-furnishings family business – wallpapers also available in puce. Both probably. | Muddy Dave tried making a gag about Corbyn’s late tax return, a mis-step that backfired when the Labour leader drily observed that he had paid more tax than companies owned by people the prime minister knew well. Muddy Dave turned a nasty shade of purple as he tried to work out whether Corbyn had been talking about his late father’s company or the chancellor’s soft-furnishings family business – wallpapers also available in puce. Both probably. |
| For once, Corbyn remained on topic, using all six questions to press Muddy Dave on his government’s half-hearted efforts to respond to the Panama Papers. Was he aware the president of the Cayman Islands was already declaring it was “business as usual” for his country’s banks? And why was he already back-pedalling on insisting the crown dependencies and overseas territories keep a register of interests. | For once, Corbyn remained on topic, using all six questions to press Muddy Dave on his government’s half-hearted efforts to respond to the Panama Papers. Was he aware the president of the Cayman Islands was already declaring it was “business as usual” for his country’s banks? And why was he already back-pedalling on insisting the crown dependencies and overseas territories keep a register of interests. |
| “Let me make myself absolutely clear,” said Muddy Dave, before losing himself and most of the House of Commons in a wall of quasi-legalistic jargon about process that may or may not have been true if only anyone had been able to understand it. The SNP’s Angus Robertson kept up the pressure, questioning why the government had just 300 people working in HMRC on tax avoidance while there were 3,000 staff assigned to clamping down on benefits cheats. Making himself absolutely clear, Muddy Dave replied that the figures didn’t sound right so they must be bogus. That was telling him. | “Let me make myself absolutely clear,” said Muddy Dave, before losing himself and most of the House of Commons in a wall of quasi-legalistic jargon about process that may or may not have been true if only anyone had been able to understand it. The SNP’s Angus Robertson kept up the pressure, questioning why the government had just 300 people working in HMRC on tax avoidance while there were 3,000 staff assigned to clamping down on benefits cheats. Making himself absolutely clear, Muddy Dave replied that the figures didn’t sound right so they must be bogus. That was telling him. |
| After some glancing friendly from Conservative Jacob Rees-Mogg over the EU referendum, Muddy Dave left the chamber to lick his wounds. Why did people find it so difficult to believe his government was totally against dodgy tax dealings? It just wasn’t fair. Moments later there were fewer than 20 Conservative MPs in the Commons to debate plans to tighten tax loopholes. Muddy Dave nodded approvingly. There was a right time and a wrong time to debate tax. And lunch time was definitely the wrong time. | After some glancing friendly from Conservative Jacob Rees-Mogg over the EU referendum, Muddy Dave left the chamber to lick his wounds. Why did people find it so difficult to believe his government was totally against dodgy tax dealings? It just wasn’t fair. Moments later there were fewer than 20 Conservative MPs in the Commons to debate plans to tighten tax loopholes. Muddy Dave nodded approvingly. There was a right time and a wrong time to debate tax. And lunch time was definitely the wrong time. |