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White House Correspondents' dinner live: Barack Obama gives his final comedy speech of his presidency White House Correspondents' dinner live: comedian Larry Wilmore roasts the president and the Washington press corps
(35 minutes later)
3.39am BST 4.13am BST
03:39 04:13
He adds: “I am hurt, though, Bernie, that you’ve been distancing yourself a little from me. I mean, that’s just not something that you do to your comrade.” On broadcast media: “C-Span is carrying tonight’s dinner live, which is ironic, because most of their viewers aren’t. It’s true, guys. C-Span is the number one network among people who died watching TV and no one’s found them yet.”
3.38am BST .@LarryWilmore: "C-SPAN is the number 1 network among people who died watching TV & no one's found them yet." #WHCDhttps://t.co/UvCc5N3jkW
03:38 4.12am BST
Acknowledging Bernie Sanders, “the bright new face of the Democratic party”, Obama says: “Bernie, you look like a million bucks. Or to put it in terms you’ll understand, you look like 37,000 donations of $27 each.” 04:12
.@POTUS: "We've got the bright new face of the Democratic Party here tonight: Mr. @BernieSanders." #WHCD #NerdPromhttps://t.co/aPgLP4e5Vr He also cracks a Jeb Bush suicide watch joke, to groans.
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04:11
On being in the company of the elite: “It’s nice to match the names to the faces in the Panama Papers.”
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04:10
On the death of print media: “A couple of years ago during this dinner,you were killing Osama bin Laden, remember that? Who are you killing tonight? Can’t be print journalism, that industry’s been dead for a while. Sorry! I’m just kidding. Shout out to the print media. No, really, you have to shout, they’re like all over 70 now.”
Silence in the ballroom.
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04:09
On the president’s visible aging while in office: “Your hair is so white it tried to punch me at a Trump rally. The president’s hair is so white it keeps trying to say ‘All Lives Matter.’ No, man, you came in here looking like Denzel, now you’re going out looking like Grady from Sanford and Sons. I know it’s a dated reference, but you’re dated Mr President! All I’m saying is that, in less than eight years Mr President, you’ve busted two time-honored stereotypes. Black does crack. And apparently once you go black, it looks like we are going back. Thanks, Ben Carson.”
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04:05
Wilmore compliments Michelle Obama: “She’s the epitome of grace, class and poise. Not to be confused with future First Gentleman Bill Clinton, whose three favorite strippers are named Grace, Class and Poise.”
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04:04
He goes after Wolf Blitzer: “Speaking of drones, how is Wolf Blitzer still on television”” he asked, to a few drunken jeers. “Ask a follow-up question! Hey Wolf, I’m reader to project tonight’s winner: anyone that isn’t watching The Situation Room.”
Wolf, and the audience, remained stone-faced.
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04:03
Wilmore compares Obama to Golden State Warriors star player Steph Curry: “Both of you like raining down bombs on people from long distances.”
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04:00
Wilmore suggests that next year the dinner will be called “Donald Trump presents a luxurious evening paid for by Mexico” and thanks “Mitch McConnell for not blocking my nomination. You gotta give Mitch McConnell credit: at this point, he could block LeBron James.”
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03:58
Larry Wilmore takes the stage
“Welcome to Negro night here at the Washington Hilton” he begins. “Or as Fox news will report, ‘Two thugs disrupt elegant dinner in DC.”
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03:57
Patrick Gavin
And a response from Patrick Gavin:
I wrote a while back that the White House Correspondents’ Association should use its biggest spotlight – this dinner – to shine a light on the struggles it faces. White House Correspondents’ Association President Carol Lee did an admirable job pointing out the Associations’ mission, but I wish she would have done more: Talking about the Obama administration’s persecution of whistleblowers and the difficulty of FOIA requests, to name a few. Her remarks on journalists under threat around the world was excellent.
It says something that President Obama spent greater time talking about the current state of media than the Association itself.
It says something about how perceptions of this dinner have changed during the Obama years that Obama now routinely mocks the dinner itself, noting that it’s “tacky” and a “unique event.” He routinely notes how he might rather not be there. I suspect this might be an ongoing trend.
Best jokes:
Also: as we all might have guessed, Merrick Garland jokes are destined to ... bomb.
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To former NYC mayor Mike Bloomberg, whom he initially compared to the other NYC billionaire leading the race for the Republican nomination. “It’s not an entirely fair comparison between you and The Donald. After all, Mike was a big city mayor, he knows policy in-depth and he’s actually worth the amount of money that he says he is. And then he did the inevitable serious bit, and signed out for the rest of his life.
.@POTUS: "Obama out." #WHCD #WHCD2016 #nerdprom https://t.co/OMYH1e9gNa
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03:52
Then he shows a video about what he’s going to do with the two years they’ve promised to stay in DC to allow their daughter to finish high school.
It featured cameos from Joe Biden and John Boehner, the inevitable birth certificate joke and the second one about mom jeans of the evening, plus one each about LinkedIn and old people trying to use Snapchat. It was titled “Couch Commander”. You aren’t sorry that you missed it.
But here it is:
President Obama's video on leaving the White House (with @JohnBoehner cameo). #NerdPromhttps://t.co/5LvW8GYlnE
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03:35
Obama “congratulates” Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus on earning a night off after the successful and uncontroversial conclusion of the Republican primary process.
He also called out Helen Mirren. “Helen Mirren is here tonight. I don’t even have a joke here, I just think Helen Mirren is awesome.”
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03:33
And now for the annual jokes about the decline of the journalism industry: “I also would like to acknowledge some of the award-winning reporters that we have with us here tonight: Rachel McAdams, Mark Ruffalo, Liev Schrieber. Thank you all for everything that you’ve done. I’m just joking, as you know Spotlight is a film, a movie about investigative journalist with the resources and the autonomy to chase down the truth and hold the powerful accountable. Best fantasy film since Star Wars.”
He added: “Every year at this dinner, somebody makes a joke about Buzzfeed, for example, changing the media landscape. And every year the Washington Post laughs a little bit less hard.”
The laughter was pretty uncomfortable.
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03:28
It’s time for the annual Joe Biden joke: “I love Joe Biden, I really do. I want to thank him for his friendship, for his counsel, for always giving it to me straight, for not shooting anybody in the face.”
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03:27
Speaking of his increasing popularity in his final year in office, he says “The last time I was this high, I was trying to decide on my major”, to a few loud shrieks of laughter.
“Even my aides can’t explain the rising poll numbers” he adds. “What has changed? No one can figure it out.”
And then he showed pictures of Ted Cruz and Donald Trump.
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03:25
In a reference to Michelle Obama’s infamous lack of enthusiasm for being in Washington, he said: “You might have heard that someone jumped the White House fence last week, but I have to give the Secret Service credit, they found Michelle, brought her back, she’s sitting back at home now. It’s only nine more months, baby.”
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03:22
Obama takes a swipe at the press, noting that Savannah Guthrie and Norah O’Donnell left the White Hous e... and “Jake Tapper left journalism to join CNN”.
Howls are heard in the audience; Tapper is seem taking a sip of wine.
.@POTUS: "@JakeTapper left journalism to join CNN." #NerdProm #WHCD #WHCD2016https://t.co/1DdYnNaoBm
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03:20
Obama says “Even some foreign leaders have been looking ahead, anticipating my departure. Last week, Prince George showed up to our meeting in his bathrobe. That was a slap in the face. A clear breach of protocol.”
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03:18
Obama cracks a “red wedding” joke, after suggesting that they consider Merrick Garland’s US supreme court nomination in the hall.
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03:17
After a series of jokes about how he ages and Michelle Obama always looks the same, Obama’s joke about being unpopular with Republicans falls flat. “In just six short months, I will be officially a lame duck, which means Congress now will flat-out reject my authority and Republican leaders won’t take my phone calls. And this is going to take some getting used it, it’s a curve ball, I don’t know what to do with it.”
He pauses, waiting for laughter; the audience was waiting for the punch line.
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03:13
Enlarged prostate jokes always kill with the heavily male White House press corps: “Hillary once questioned whether I’d be ready for a 3am phone call. Now I’m awake anway because I’ve got to go to the bathroom. I’m up.”
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03:12
Obama makes a joke about being “gray and grizzled, just counting down the days to my death panel.” (It’s not his first death panel joke of the last eight years.)