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BBC, ITV and migration spark shadows of outrage in Westminster BBC, ITV and migration spark shadows of outrage in Westminster
(35 minutes later)
Maria Eagle was outraged. Outraged that there was almost nothing to be outraged about. After months of “The End of the World as We Know It” doomsday predictions, the culture secretary finally published his white paper on the BBC and it was – if not quite business as usual – then not nearly so bad as feared. Strictly Come Dancing had been saved for the nation. There could be only one explanation; the leftwing luvvies had managed to nobble John Whittingdale. Maria Eagle was outraged. Outraged that there was almost nothing to be outraged about. After months of the “End of the World as We Know It” doomsday predictions, the culture secretary finally published his white paper on the BBC, and it was, if not quite business as usual, then not nearly so bad as feared. Strictly Come Dancing had been saved for the nation. There could be only one explanation; the leftwing luvvies had managed to nobble John Whittingdale.
“The fact that most of the secretary of state’s wilder proposals appear to have been watered down, dumped or delayed by the government, of which he is a member, is a reflection of his diminishing influence and lack of clout,” said the shadow culture secretary, her voice bristling with contempt. “There is no point the secretary of state denying that he has been overruled by the prime minister and the chancellor.” “The fact that most of the secretary of state’s wilder proposals appear to have been watered down, dumped or delayed by the government, of which he is a member, is a reflection of his diminishing influence and lack of clout,” said the shadow culture secretary, her voice bristling with contempt. “There is no point in the secretary of state denying that he has been overruled by the prime minister and the chancellor.”
Whittingdale looked rather bewildered and started watching repeats of How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria? on his iPad for some guidance. No joy. He was damned if he did and damned if he didn’t. He settled for gently pointing out that even the director general of the BBC and the chair of the BBC Trust had given his proposals a cautious thumbs up. Whittingdale looked rather bewildered and started watching repeats of How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria? on his iPad for some guidance. No joy. He was damned if he did and damned if he didn’t. He settled for gently pointing out that even the director general of the BBC and the chair of the BBC Trust had given his proposals a cautious thumbs-up.
This wasn’t nearly good enough for Eagle. What was supposed to have happened was this; the culture secretary should have come to the house promising to withdraw all funding for the BBC and forcing it to make programmes nobody wanted to watch so that she could get really angry and say the whole thing was a total disgrace. “The secretary of state’s views are also totally out of step with licence fee payers, who value and support the BBC,” she continued, by now just talking to herself.This wasn’t nearly good enough for Eagle. What was supposed to have happened was this; the culture secretary should have come to the house promising to withdraw all funding for the BBC and forcing it to make programmes nobody wanted to watch so that she could get really angry and say the whole thing was a total disgrace. “The secretary of state’s views are also totally out of step with licence fee payers, who value and support the BBC,” she continued, by now just talking to herself.
She was partly right, though. Most licence fee payers would have quite liked the culture secretary to ask the BBC to reveal who on its staff was earning more than £250,000 rather than just those earning £450,000 or more. Out of nosiness more than anything else.She was partly right, though. Most licence fee payers would have quite liked the culture secretary to ask the BBC to reveal who on its staff was earning more than £250,000 rather than just those earning £450,000 or more. Out of nosiness more than anything else.
Labour’s Barry Sheerman was also certain the white paper was part of a cunning plan. Even though he wasn’t quite sure what that plan was. “I believe that by Sunday, when the detail has been crawled over, this will be seen as a deep, dark day for the BBC,” he said. “The Brexiteers seem to have combined hating Europe with hating the BBC. This will be a champagne night for Rupert Murdoch and Richard Desmond.” A Long Day’s Journey into Night, presumably. Labour’s Barry Sheerman was also certain that the white paper was part of a cunning plan. Even though he wasn’t quite sure what that plan was. “I believe that by Sunday, when the detail has been crawled over, this will be seen as a deep, dark day for the BBC,” he said. “The Brexiteers seem to have combined hating Europe with hating the BBC. This will be a champagne night for Rupert Murdoch and Richard Desmond.” A Long Day’s Journey Into Night, presumably.
For their part, Whittingdale and the other Brexiteers in the Commons were putting on a good show of not being particularly bothered about being totally outwitted by some Bafta-hugging actors. This was partly because they had now rather forgotten about the BBC and were more concerned that ITV had been completely over-run by commies who were determined to make fools of them by giving air space to a Leave campaigner in a referendum debate. But mainly because they too were outraged that there had been nothing much to be outraged about. For their part, Whittingdale and the other Brexiteers in the Commons were putting on a good show of not being particularly bothered about being totally outwitted by some Bafta-hugging actors. This was partly because they had now rather forgotten about the BBC and were more concerned that ITV had been completely overrun by commies who were determined to make fools of them by giving air space to a Leave campaigner in a referendum debate. But mainly because they too were outraged that there had been nothing much to be outraged about.
For years, John Redwood had been certain the government was concealing the true level of immigration and was now devastated to discover that the discrepancy between the government’s figures and the number of National Insurance registrations was explained by people who had come to the UK to work for a short period and had long since returned home. Like Eagle, he was too far gone to be denied his moment of outrage. For years, John Redwood had been convinced that the government was concealing the true level of immigration, and was now devastated to discover that the discrepancy between the government’s figures and the number of National Insurance registrations was explained by people who had come to the UK to work for a short period and had long since returned home. Like Eagle, he was too far gone to be denied his moment of outrage.
Even if these people weren’t in the country now, they definitely had been at some point, he observed. Nothing escapes him. And when these foreigners had been here they might have wanted to see a doctor. So if we were going to allow these people who came here but weren’t here now to come again at some possible point in the future shouldn’t we plan our healthcare provision accordingly, and wouldn’t that really be too expensive? It was desperate stuff. There are few sadder sights in Westminster than a politician with nothing to get angry about. All worked up and no place to go. Even if these people weren’t in the country now, they definitely had been at some point, he observed. Nothing escapes him. And when these foreigners had been here, they might have wanted to see a doctor. So if we were going to allow these people who came here but weren’t here now to come again at some possible point in the future, shouldn’t we plan our healthcare provision accordingly, and wouldn’t that really be too expensive?
It was desperate stuff. There are few sadder sights in Westminster than a politician with nothing to get angry about. All worked up and no place to go.