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Fifth of UK couples close to break-up - Relate study Fifth of UK couples close to break-up - Relate study
(about 1 hour later)
Almost one in five (18%) couples in the UK argue regularly or consider separating, a study suggests.Almost one in five (18%) couples in the UK argue regularly or consider separating, a study suggests.
The report, carried out by charity Relate and based on a survey of 20,980 people in relationships from 2013-15, suggested 2.87 million people were in "distressed" relationships.The report, carried out by charity Relate and based on a survey of 20,980 people in relationships from 2013-15, suggested 2.87 million people were in "distressed" relationships.
Dr David Marjoribanks, from Relate, said constant bickering could have a "far-reaching" impact on children.Dr David Marjoribanks, from Relate, said constant bickering could have a "far-reaching" impact on children.
On average, they do worse in school and can even fall into crime, he said.On average, they do worse in school and can even fall into crime, he said.
"It is not just the actual breakdown of the relationship itself, it's specifically the conflict that surrounds that," Dr Marjoribanks said."It is not just the actual breakdown of the relationship itself, it's specifically the conflict that surrounds that," Dr Marjoribanks said.
"It means that when relationships end, it is not deemed to inevitably harm children, far from it."It means that when relationships end, it is not deemed to inevitably harm children, far from it.
"It is the conflict in intact relationships that can be just as damaging, as when relationships end," he added."It is the conflict in intact relationships that can be just as damaging, as when relationships end," he added.
"Children who grow up with parents who have highly-conflicted relationships are much more likely to have mental and physical health problems, to not do as well at school and end up in antisocial behaviour and criminality even.""Children who grow up with parents who have highly-conflicted relationships are much more likely to have mental and physical health problems, to not do as well at school and end up in antisocial behaviour and criminality even."
Marriage regretsMarriage regrets
Researchers looked at data from the Understanding Society survey of 20,980 people which asked people how often they argued, how frequently they considered divorce and regretted the relationship, and the extent of their unhappiness.Researchers looked at data from the Understanding Society survey of 20,980 people which asked people how often they argued, how frequently they considered divorce and regretted the relationship, and the extent of their unhappiness.
They said their findings suggested 2.87 million people, which equates to 18% of married or cohabiting couples, were living in "distressed" relationships, where the strains were deemed to be "clinically significant" by counsellors.They said their findings suggested 2.87 million people, which equates to 18% of married or cohabiting couples, were living in "distressed" relationships, where the strains were deemed to be "clinically significant" by counsellors.
The number of "distressed" relationships reached a high in 2011 and 2012 but have not yet returned to pre-recession levels, the data showed.The number of "distressed" relationships reached a high in 2011 and 2012 but have not yet returned to pre-recession levels, the data showed.
"There is a pattern of relationship strain increasing during recession years, and that is very much what we would expect," Dr Marjoribanks said. "There is a pattern of relationship strain increasing during recession years - where economic strain increases, for example low income, unemployment, a build-up of debt, the strain on the relationship increases," Dr Marjoribanks said.
"Where economic strain increases, for example low income, unemployment, a build-up of debt, the strain on the relationship increases." The research also found:
'Painful place'
One in 10 partners reported at least occasionally regretting getting married or living together, while 9% said they at least occasionally considered divorce or separation, according to the survey.
Nearly half (49%) of partners reported at least occasionally quarrelling, with 6.8% reporting severe levels.
Parents of children under 16 were slightly more likely to be in distressed relationships (22%), and becoming a parent for the first time was "one of life's events most likely to reduce relationship quality", the report found.
Dr Marjoribanks said many couples suffered in silence for years and only sought help when it was too late to salvage their relationship.Dr Marjoribanks said many couples suffered in silence for years and only sought help when it was too late to salvage their relationship.
Relate counsellor Arabella Russell said some couples she met were arguing constantly about the pressures of jobs, finances and childcare. 'Lost art of talking'
"It's a very painful place to be and the impact it can have on the family is huge," she said. Jan Artingstall from Therapy Cheshire, who is listed in the Counselling Directory, believes people today spend so much time communicating via text and social media that they have forgotten how to talk.
"People have lost the art of talking about how they feel. It's like we have gone back to being children who don't have the language to communicate feelings," she said.
A common problem among couples was mistrust built around text messages sent between work colleagues and partners spying on each other's online communications, she added.
Her advice is for couples to sit down for 10 minutes to talk about their day and take joint responsibility for the state of the relationship, rather than pointing fingers.
She also said children who saw their parents fall out and make up were learning a useful lesson but daily and embedded conflict was damaging.
"Children are very perceptive to atmosphere. It doesn't have to be a shouting match - they can pick up on stonewalling and tense body language.
"Children won't say 'Are you unhappy Mummy or Daddy?' They just accept and absorb the atmosphere and feel unhappy inside."
There were 114,720 divorces in England and Wales in 2013, down 3% on 2012, the most recent figures available from the Office of National Statistics show. The number of divorces was highest among men and women aged between 40 and 44.There were 114,720 divorces in England and Wales in 2013, down 3% on 2012, the most recent figures available from the Office of National Statistics show. The number of divorces was highest among men and women aged between 40 and 44.
In Scotland, 9,030 divorces were granted in 2014-15, 6% fewer than in the previous 12 months, Scottish government figures show. Northern Ireland saw a slight rise in divorce rates from 2,403 in 2013 to 2,455 in 2014, according to the Northern Ireland Statistics and Research Agency.In Scotland, 9,030 divorces were granted in 2014-15, 6% fewer than in the previous 12 months, Scottish government figures show. Northern Ireland saw a slight rise in divorce rates from 2,403 in 2013 to 2,455 in 2014, according to the Northern Ireland Statistics and Research Agency.
Chris Sherwood, chief executive at Relate, said the report's findings were "hugely concerning", adding that "families can't go on like this".Chris Sherwood, chief executive at Relate, said the report's findings were "hugely concerning", adding that "families can't go on like this".
The charity was launching its first national appeal, Breaking Point, calling for donations to help make its services available to everyone, not just those who could afford them, he added.The charity was launching its first national appeal, Breaking Point, calling for donations to help make its services available to everyone, not just those who could afford them, he added.