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| BHS pensioners? Bung 'em one of your yachts, Big Phil! | BHS pensioners? Bung 'em one of your yachts, Big Phil! |
| (2 months later) | |
| “One of the reasons I came here,” said Philip Green, right at the very end of a marathon six-hour hearing before a combined business and work & pensions select committee, “was so people could judge for themselves if they think I am honest or not.” Put that one down to either tiredness or a fatal lack of self-awareness, given he had to be dragged screaming and kicking to parliament to explain his part in the collapse of BHS. | “One of the reasons I came here,” said Philip Green, right at the very end of a marathon six-hour hearing before a combined business and work & pensions select committee, “was so people could judge for themselves if they think I am honest or not.” Put that one down to either tiredness or a fatal lack of self-awareness, given he had to be dragged screaming and kicking to parliament to explain his part in the collapse of BHS. |
| Trust is generally a two-way street: something to be earned on both sides. The suntanned billionaire who has never knowingly missed a chance to make a quick buck sees it somewhat differently. He desperately wants to be taken at his word while treating everyone else with a suspicion that at times verges on paranoia. | Trust is generally a two-way street: something to be earned on both sides. The suntanned billionaire who has never knowingly missed a chance to make a quick buck sees it somewhat differently. He desperately wants to be taken at his word while treating everyone else with a suspicion that at times verges on paranoia. |
| Big Phil set the tone by rolling his eyelids at the committee while sitting down and his performance became progressively more unstable the longer the session dragged on. First in line was Conservative Richard Fuller, who he believed was looking at him in a funny way. “Stop staring at me like that,” he demanded. Then he had a pop at another Tory, Jeremy Quin, for playing with his glasses in an annoying way. The committee clerk was ticked off for whispering and Labour’s Karen Buck, aka “That Lady”, was called out for being a mind-reader in a former life. Most bizarrely of all, the reporter from the Sunday Times was all but accused of bringing about the collapse of BHS by investigating the deal. | Big Phil set the tone by rolling his eyelids at the committee while sitting down and his performance became progressively more unstable the longer the session dragged on. First in line was Conservative Richard Fuller, who he believed was looking at him in a funny way. “Stop staring at me like that,” he demanded. Then he had a pop at another Tory, Jeremy Quin, for playing with his glasses in an annoying way. The committee clerk was ticked off for whispering and Labour’s Karen Buck, aka “That Lady”, was called out for being a mind-reader in a former life. Most bizarrely of all, the reporter from the Sunday Times was all but accused of bringing about the collapse of BHS by investigating the deal. |
| “I’m not here to blame anyone because that’s not my style,” he insisted. “But there are some other people I could mention who are to blame.” Quite. | “I’m not here to blame anyone because that’s not my style,” he insisted. “But there are some other people I could mention who are to blame.” Quite. |
| “Can we get back to talking about some of the details?” asked co-chair Frank Field. “I’m afraid I don’t understand the question,” said an apparently bemused Big Phil. Field tried again. “Can we get back to talking about the some of the details?” | “Can we get back to talking about some of the details?” asked co-chair Frank Field. “I’m afraid I don’t understand the question,” said an apparently bemused Big Phil. Field tried again. “Can we get back to talking about the some of the details?” |
| “That’s not the right question to be asking me,” insisted Big Phil second time round. This became a familiar pattern; almost every question was either too difficult or not the right one. It’s fair to say that Big Phil has concentration issues as well as trust issues. | “That’s not the right question to be asking me,” insisted Big Phil second time round. This became a familiar pattern; almost every question was either too difficult or not the right one. It’s fair to say that Big Phil has concentration issues as well as trust issues. |
| Slowly, slowly, the committee made painful headway. It had been a complete and utter coincidence that his family had moved to Monaco in 1998 and if he had really wanted to avoid tax he could have been a great deal more aggressive about it. No, he had never thought about selling BHS in 2005. Apart from to Asda. No, he hadn’t sold a property for a knockdown price to his son-in-law. Oh, that property. Yes, he had sold the property, even though he hadn’t because he’d never been involved. | Slowly, slowly, the committee made painful headway. It had been a complete and utter coincidence that his family had moved to Monaco in 1998 and if he had really wanted to avoid tax he could have been a great deal more aggressive about it. No, he had never thought about selling BHS in 2005. Apart from to Asda. No, he hadn’t sold a property for a knockdown price to his son-in-law. Oh, that property. Yes, he had sold the property, even though he hadn’t because he’d never been involved. |
| The longer the session went on, the greater the fears for Big Phil’s mental health became, for by now he was showing signs of delusional psychosis. When he could finally find a question he was able to understand or willing to answer, his responses were either that he was far too important to have got involved in that level of detail or a microscopic analysis of the price of coat hangers. | The longer the session went on, the greater the fears for Big Phil’s mental health became, for by now he was showing signs of delusional psychosis. When he could finally find a question he was able to understand or willing to answer, his responses were either that he was far too important to have got involved in that level of detail or a microscopic analysis of the price of coat hangers. |
| “You have been described as a controlling Napoleon figure,” observed co-chair Iain Wright. “Look out the window,” said Big Phil. “Is it light or dark outside?” Wright correctly decided everyone needed their first therapy break at that point. | “You have been described as a controlling Napoleon figure,” observed co-chair Iain Wright. “Look out the window,” said Big Phil. “Is it light or dark outside?” Wright correctly decided everyone needed their first therapy break at that point. |
| The second period kicked off with Big Phil distraught, as well as suspicious, forgetful and delusional. The therapy hadn’t done him much good. Too much raking over the past. Anyone could be said to have made mistakes in hindsight and there was nothing to be gained in raking up the past. He’d never intended to leave a £500m hole in the BHS pension pot and all that had stopped him from doing anything about it was that the Pensions Regulator hadn’t bothered to phone him. Just then his phone – an old Nokia – rang. | The second period kicked off with Big Phil distraught, as well as suspicious, forgetful and delusional. The therapy hadn’t done him much good. Too much raking over the past. Anyone could be said to have made mistakes in hindsight and there was nothing to be gained in raking up the past. He’d never intended to leave a £500m hole in the BHS pension pot and all that had stopped him from doing anything about it was that the Pensions Regulator hadn’t bothered to phone him. Just then his phone – an old Nokia – rang. |
| “Maybe it’s the Pensions Regulator,” Wright said drily. | “Maybe it’s the Pensions Regulator,” Wright said drily. |
| “Look, I’m going to make things right for people,” said Big Phil, desperate to hang on to his knighthood as well as the £100m yacht he has just treated himself to. Why not bung the pensioners a couple of yachts? Bish bash bosh. | “Look, I’m going to make things right for people,” said Big Phil, desperate to hang on to his knighthood as well as the £100m yacht he has just treated himself to. Why not bung the pensioners a couple of yachts? Bish bash bosh. |
| Big Phil was equally certain he hadn’t met Sports Direct’s Mike Ashley to discuss the possible sale of BHS, apart from the few times when they had met to discuss just that. “That’s really rude. You owe me an apology. I haven’t come here in order not to tell the truth,” Big Phil shrugged. “Why would I want to do that?” That’s another question that never got a proper answer. | Big Phil was equally certain he hadn’t met Sports Direct’s Mike Ashley to discuss the possible sale of BHS, apart from the few times when they had met to discuss just that. “That’s really rude. You owe me an apology. I haven’t come here in order not to tell the truth,” Big Phil shrugged. “Why would I want to do that?” That’s another question that never got a proper answer. |