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| ‘Long and Genuine’ Hugs: Shooting Victims’ Relatives Recall Obama’s Empathy | ‘Long and Genuine’ Hugs: Shooting Victims’ Relatives Recall Obama’s Empathy |
| (35 minutes later) | |
| ORLANDO, Fla. — The wrenching ritual has become all too familiar to President Obama. | |
| His armored limousine deposits him at a nondescript building big enough to hold a large number of families whose loved ones have died in a mass shooting somewhere in America. Away from the news cameras that normally track his every interaction, he enters rooms thick with grief and the hushed voices of people in shock. | His armored limousine deposits him at a nondescript building big enough to hold a large number of families whose loved ones have died in a mass shooting somewhere in America. Away from the news cameras that normally track his every interaction, he enters rooms thick with grief and the hushed voices of people in shock. |
| He grasps for words of sympathy, comfort and condolence and offers long, tight embraces that the mourners will remember far more vividly than his words. | He grasps for words of sympathy, comfort and condolence and offers long, tight embraces that the mourners will remember far more vividly than his words. |
| Mr. Obama traveled here on Thursday for the latest round of mass consoling, four days after a gunman killed 49 people and wounded 53 at a gay nightclub in the deadliest shooting in American history. | |
| Accompanied by Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr., the president entered the Amway Center, about two miles away from the club, to meet privately with the scores of families who lost sons, daughters, siblings and partners, trying to make sense of a tragedy and to offer the condolences of a nation still reeling. | Accompanied by Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr., the president entered the Amway Center, about two miles away from the club, to meet privately with the scores of families who lost sons, daughters, siblings and partners, trying to make sense of a tragedy and to offer the condolences of a nation still reeling. |
| The trip was a moment for Mr. Obama to play the somber official role of consoler in chief. It was also the setting for a deeply personal and private set of encounters in which the president, better known for his cool and unruffled temperament, dispenses with the trappings of his office and becomes an emotional father identifying with parents who have lost children. | The trip was a moment for Mr. Obama to play the somber official role of consoler in chief. It was also the setting for a deeply personal and private set of encounters in which the president, better known for his cool and unruffled temperament, dispenses with the trappings of his office and becomes an emotional father identifying with parents who have lost children. |
| “The president understands that he is a symbol of the country, and when he travels to a community and meets with a family that has endured a terrible tragedy, he’s offering a message of condolence and comfort on behalf of the American people,” Josh Earnest, the White House press secretary, said on Wednesday. | “The president understands that he is a symbol of the country, and when he travels to a community and meets with a family that has endured a terrible tragedy, he’s offering a message of condolence and comfort on behalf of the American people,” Josh Earnest, the White House press secretary, said on Wednesday. |
| “But it would be impossible for him to not be personally affected by these kinds of conversations and these kinds of interactions,” he added. | “But it would be impossible for him to not be personally affected by these kinds of conversations and these kinds of interactions,” he added. |
| In such instances, Mr. Earnest said, the president “draws on his faith.” He has had to do so many times during his seven and a half years in office, a period in which there have been at least 20 large-scale shootings that have prompted a presidential response. | In such instances, Mr. Earnest said, the president “draws on his faith.” He has had to do so many times during his seven and a half years in office, a period in which there have been at least 20 large-scale shootings that have prompted a presidential response. |
| Mr. Obama has called these visits among the most difficult duties he performs. Visiting with families who lost young children in the shooting rampage at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Conn., in 2012, was the “hardest day of my presidency,” he said afterward. | Mr. Obama has called these visits among the most difficult duties he performs. Visiting with families who lost young children in the shooting rampage at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Conn., in 2012, was the “hardest day of my presidency,” he said afterward. |
| “And I’ve had some hard days,” he said. | “And I’ve had some hard days,” he said. |
| So one by one, the president grasps the mourners he encounters in tight embraces, according to people who have attended the sessions, relying on body language almost more than words to convey his support. | So one by one, the president grasps the mourners he encounters in tight embraces, according to people who have attended the sessions, relying on body language almost more than words to convey his support. |
| “He hugged each one of us individually — and I mean hug, so that I was able to smell his cologne,” said Sharon Risher, 57, who lost her mother, Ethel Lance, and two cousins in the shooting in Charleston, S.C., last year, and met privately with Mr. Obama the next week. “It was not a little pat on the back. The intimacy of that hug is what I’ll always remember.” | “He hugged each one of us individually — and I mean hug, so that I was able to smell his cologne,” said Sharon Risher, 57, who lost her mother, Ethel Lance, and two cousins in the shooting in Charleston, S.C., last year, and met privately with Mr. Obama the next week. “It was not a little pat on the back. The intimacy of that hug is what I’ll always remember.” |
| Mr. Obama spends time with each family, listening to details mourners are eager to offer about their lost loved ones. It is at once intimate and awkward; he is aware of how disorienting it is for people to be meeting the president of the United States at the worst moment of their lives. Many of them forget they are talking to the president. | Mr. Obama spends time with each family, listening to details mourners are eager to offer about their lost loved ones. It is at once intimate and awkward; he is aware of how disorienting it is for people to be meeting the president of the United States at the worst moment of their lives. Many of them forget they are talking to the president. |
| At a high school in Newtown in 2012, Mark Barden, whose 7-year-old son, Daniel, was among the 28 killed at Sandy Hook two days earlier, decided, in what he now calls a fog of shock and trauma, to lecture Mr. Obama on the importance of spending time with his children. | At a high school in Newtown in 2012, Mark Barden, whose 7-year-old son, Daniel, was among the 28 killed at Sandy Hook two days earlier, decided, in what he now calls a fog of shock and trauma, to lecture Mr. Obama on the importance of spending time with his children. |
| “He looked me in the eyes and said, ‘I’m coming from a recital right now,’ ” Mr. Barden said in an interview, adding that he now finds the episode “horrendously embarrassing.” But Mr. Obama could relate, he said. | |
| “He was looking at this 100 percent as a father,” Mr. Barden said. “He feels it in his heart as a human being, and it transcends his role as the leader of our country.” | “He was looking at this 100 percent as a father,” Mr. Barden said. “He feels it in his heart as a human being, and it transcends his role as the leader of our country.” |
| Mr. Obama does not come to these duties unprepared. Staff aides who have readied the meeting rooms with water, snacks and tissues brief him before each encounter about each person he is about to meet and who they lost. Joshua DuBois, a former special assistant who headed the White House Office of Faith-Based and Neighborhood Partnerships, recalls worrying about the toll the Newtown meetings were taking on the president. | |
| “After each classroom, we would go back into those fluorescent hallways and walk through the names of the coming families, and then the president would dive back in, like a soldier returning to a tour of duty in a worthy but wearing war,” Mr. DuBois wrote in his book, “The President’s Devotional: The Daily Readings That Inspired President Obama.” “The staff did the preparation work, but the comfort and healing were all on President Obama.” | “After each classroom, we would go back into those fluorescent hallways and walk through the names of the coming families, and then the president would dive back in, like a soldier returning to a tour of duty in a worthy but wearing war,” Mr. DuBois wrote in his book, “The President’s Devotional: The Daily Readings That Inspired President Obama.” “The staff did the preparation work, but the comfort and healing were all on President Obama.” |
| Roxanna Green — whose 9-year-old daughter, Christina-Taylor Green, was one of six people killed in a 2011 shooting in a supermarket parking lot in Tuscon, Ariz., where Representative Gabrielle Giffords was holding an event — said she had campaigned for Mr. Obama with her daughter and mother and had often dreamed of meeting him. | Roxanna Green — whose 9-year-old daughter, Christina-Taylor Green, was one of six people killed in a 2011 shooting in a supermarket parking lot in Tuscon, Ariz., where Representative Gabrielle Giffords was holding an event — said she had campaigned for Mr. Obama with her daughter and mother and had often dreamed of meeting him. |
| “But you never want to receive a visit like that from anybody,” Ms. Green, 50, said in an interview. “Their hugs were just long and genuine, like something you receive from a family member,” she said of the president and Michelle Obama. | |
| They fussed over her 11-year-old son’s drawing of a dinosaur, asked about his interest in being a paleontologist, and invited him to visit the White House sometime, Ms. Green said. But she was most moved by what the president said to her and her husband about their slain daughter. | They fussed over her 11-year-old son’s drawing of a dinosaur, asked about his interest in being a paleontologist, and invited him to visit the White House sometime, Ms. Green said. But she was most moved by what the president said to her and her husband about their slain daughter. |
| “He said she was a beautiful girl, and he’s so sorry, and it was just a horrible loss and his girls are about the same age,” she recalled. “They were both very, very emotional. It was like it happened to someone in their family.” | “He said she was a beautiful girl, and he’s so sorry, and it was just a horrible loss and his girls are about the same age,” she recalled. “They were both very, very emotional. It was like it happened to someone in their family.” |