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| Corbyn and Cameron: dead men walking face off in the Commons | Corbyn and Cameron: dead men walking face off in the Commons |
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| Two dead men walking who would have rather been anywhere but in the House of Commons. One went down with some dignity. The other just went down. Not even the 40 members of the parliamentary Labour party who apparently do still have confidence in Jeremy Corbyn could be bothered to raise a cheer when he stood at the dispatch box for prime minister’s questions. He rose in almost total silence, his face twisted in anger: the dividing line between stubborn ambition and personal principle has become increasingly opaque. | Two dead men walking who would have rather been anywhere but in the House of Commons. One went down with some dignity. The other just went down. Not even the 40 members of the parliamentary Labour party who apparently do still have confidence in Jeremy Corbyn could be bothered to raise a cheer when he stood at the dispatch box for prime minister’s questions. He rose in almost total silence, his face twisted in anger: the dividing line between stubborn ambition and personal principle has become increasingly opaque. |
| Corbyn began by expressing concern about the fate of Siemens, Visa and Vodafone following last week’s referendum. David Cameron couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. Since when had the Labour leader been the compassionate voice of big business? Slowly, Corbyn got to the point. With the UK’s credit rating having been downgraded and so so much uncertainty in the economy, jobs were being put at risk. “Yours and mine both,” quipped Dave. “But we’re not here for a share-up.” | Corbyn began by expressing concern about the fate of Siemens, Visa and Vodafone following last week’s referendum. David Cameron couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. Since when had the Labour leader been the compassionate voice of big business? Slowly, Corbyn got to the point. With the UK’s credit rating having been downgraded and so so much uncertainty in the economy, jobs were being put at risk. “Yours and mine both,” quipped Dave. “But we’re not here for a share-up.” |
| This wasn’t nearly good enough for Corbyn. Dave just wasn’t taking their job situation seriously. He hadn’t managed to get any reassurance about his career prospects from his own side so he was desperate for something, anything, from the prime minister that might buy him a bit more work. At the moment, the Labour leadership is a zero-hours contract. As is the role of shadow education secretary; Pat Glass resigned two days after being offered the job. | This wasn’t nearly good enough for Corbyn. Dave just wasn’t taking their job situation seriously. He hadn’t managed to get any reassurance about his career prospects from his own side so he was desperate for something, anything, from the prime minister that might buy him a bit more work. At the moment, the Labour leadership is a zero-hours contract. As is the role of shadow education secretary; Pat Glass resigned two days after being offered the job. |
| Dave finally lost patience. “We must all reflect on our role in the referendum campaign,” he snapped. “The right honourable gentleman says that he put his back into it; all I say is that I would hate to see him when he is not trying. I have to say to him it might be in my party’s interests for him to sit there; it is not in the national interest. I would say: for heaven’s sake man, go!” | Dave finally lost patience. “We must all reflect on our role in the referendum campaign,” he snapped. “The right honourable gentleman says that he put his back into it; all I say is that I would hate to see him when he is not trying. I have to say to him it might be in my party’s interests for him to sit there; it is not in the national interest. I would say: for heaven’s sake man, go!” |
| This wasn’t quite the “I love the Labour party more than you do” it may have appeared. Dave knew full well that by calling for the Labour leader to take a hike was bound to unite some of the the undecideds behind Corbyn, but what the hell? You win some, you win some. Corbyn sat down to yet more silence. He looked along his frontbench hoping to see the odd sign of encouragement, but then remembered he hadn’t a clue who any of them were. Nor did anyone else. | This wasn’t quite the “I love the Labour party more than you do” it may have appeared. Dave knew full well that by calling for the Labour leader to take a hike was bound to unite some of the the undecideds behind Corbyn, but what the hell? You win some, you win some. Corbyn sat down to yet more silence. He looked along his frontbench hoping to see the odd sign of encouragement, but then remembered he hadn’t a clue who any of them were. Nor did anyone else. |
| Ukip’s Douglas Carswell was booed by MPs on both sides of the house. It seems to have come as a complete shock to many of the leave supporters in the Tory party that Ukip has a track record of stirring up racial hatred. Bernard Jenkin was particularly upset to have discovered that the Nigel Farage he had been happy to support in the referendum campaign was the same Nigel Farage that made racist posters and was rude in the European parliament. “If only someone had told me,” he sobbed, slapping his palm against his forehead. | Ukip’s Douglas Carswell was booed by MPs on both sides of the house. It seems to have come as a complete shock to many of the leave supporters in the Tory party that Ukip has a track record of stirring up racial hatred. Bernard Jenkin was particularly upset to have discovered that the Nigel Farage he had been happy to support in the referendum campaign was the same Nigel Farage that made racist posters and was rude in the European parliament. “If only someone had told me,” he sobbed, slapping his palm against his forehead. |
| Related: Labour is making the Conservative omnishambles era look like a utopia | Marina Hyde | Related: Labour is making the Conservative omnishambles era look like a utopia | Marina Hyde |
| Carswell blocked me on Twitter for questioning his assertion that Vote Leave definitely had a Brexit plan, but now he was ready to reveal it. “Does the prime minister agree that both sides now need to come together to achieve a new post-EU national consensus?” he said grandly. Brilliant, Dougie, brilliant. There is life in that Ukip brain, after all. Britain is saved. If only I had thought of that. | Carswell blocked me on Twitter for questioning his assertion that Vote Leave definitely had a Brexit plan, but now he was ready to reveal it. “Does the prime minister agree that both sides now need to come together to achieve a new post-EU national consensus?” he said grandly. Brilliant, Dougie, brilliant. There is life in that Ukip brain, after all. Britain is saved. If only I had thought of that. |
| It was taken as read that the one person who wasn’t in the house was Boris Johnson. Having been one of the prime generators of the biggest clusterfuck in British political history, Boris has spent the last six days making himself as invisible as possible. Boris’s plan has always been Boris. First make a whole series of promises that can soon be broken to hopeful Tory MPs in order to become prime minister: then fit in having a few chats with the EU about how to sort everything out around writing a few more articles for the Daily Telegraph at £5k a pop. Kerching! He’d always said leaving the EU was a matter of priorities. | It was taken as read that the one person who wasn’t in the house was Boris Johnson. Having been one of the prime generators of the biggest clusterfuck in British political history, Boris has spent the last six days making himself as invisible as possible. Boris’s plan has always been Boris. First make a whole series of promises that can soon be broken to hopeful Tory MPs in order to become prime minister: then fit in having a few chats with the EU about how to sort everything out around writing a few more articles for the Daily Telegraph at £5k a pop. Kerching! He’d always said leaving the EU was a matter of priorities. |
| At least Michael Gove had bothered to turn up for PMQs, though that was more to escape the driving ambition of his wife for a few hours than a real desire to listen in on the panic about Britain’s withdrawal from EU. “We’ve got to do this, Mike. We’ve got to do that, Mike. It’s really important for ME, Mike, that you get a guarantee from Boris. Me, Me, Me.” A bloke could have too much of that. | At least Michael Gove had bothered to turn up for PMQs, though that was more to escape the driving ambition of his wife for a few hours than a real desire to listen in on the panic about Britain’s withdrawal from EU. “We’ve got to do this, Mike. We’ve got to do that, Mike. It’s really important for ME, Mike, that you get a guarantee from Boris. Me, Me, Me.” A bloke could have too much of that. |
| After 20 minutes, Mike got restless. The email that Sarah had told him she would be sending him about how to make her more important hadn’t arrived as she had said it would. He called Sarah to ask for his instructions. “Whoops,” said Sarah. “I seem to have sent it to the wrong person, but don’t worry it will never get out. Must go. I’ve got a country to run.” | After 20 minutes, Mike got restless. The email that Sarah had told him she would be sending him about how to make her more important hadn’t arrived as she had said it would. He called Sarah to ask for his instructions. “Whoops,” said Sarah. “I seem to have sent it to the wrong person, but don’t worry it will never get out. Must go. I’ve got a country to run.” |
| Sarah smiled to herself. Unelected elites weren’t so bad when they were her unelected elites. |