This article is from the source 'guardian' and was first published or seen on . It last changed over 40 days ago and won't be checked again for changes.

You can find the current article at its original source at https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/aug/09/holiday-gambling-amusement-arcade

The article has changed 3 times. There is an RSS feed of changes available.

Version 0 Version 1
We’re on holiday. And yes, I’m teaching my son how to gamble We’re on holiday. And yes, I’m teaching my son how to gamble
(35 minutes later)
Five is old enough to have mastered the basic life skills and yet here is my son, in the amusement arcade on holiday, insisting on simply rolling tuppences down the various chutes without even the tiniest hint of the techniques I have struggled for a week now to impart to him. Five is old enough to have mastered the basic life skills and yet here is my son, in the amusement arcade on holiday, insisting on simply rolling tuppences down the various chutes without even the tiniest hint of the techniques I have struggled for a week now to impart to him.
And his father just keeps handing him the money.And his father just keeps handing him the money.
Related: Take the kids to … Winchester Science CentreRelated: Take the kids to … Winchester Science Centre
“Stop giving it to him!”“Stop giving it to him!”
“It’s tuppence.”“It’s tuppence.”
“I know!”“I know!”
“You know what tuppence means, don’t you? Two pence?”“You know what tuppence means, don’t you? Two pence?”
“Of course I do! I used it in my opening paragraph!”“Of course I do! I used it in my opening paragraph!”
“Two. Pence.”“Two. Pence.”
“It doesn’t matter what the amount is. It matters that he learns what to do with it.”“It doesn’t matter what the amount is. It matters that he learns what to do with it.”
“We’re in an amusement arcade. He’s here to amuse himself. The clue’s in the name.”“We’re in an amusement arcade. He’s here to amuse himself. The clue’s in the name.”
I turn back to our son while I’ve been distracted by someone who knows nothing about anything.. “Look, darling – I know trying to hit the clown’s face is fun, but really it’s just a distraction. Keep watching – see how the things slide in and out? You’ve got to time it so that your coin ends up there, on the metal, where it might do some good by pushing the others off on to the next bit and then: ker-ching! A big clump falls off into the tray below! Wouldn’t that be exciting! Then mummy will take those and … ” I turn back to our son, who has wasted another eight pence while I’ve been distracted by someone who knows nothing about anything. “Look, darling – I know trying to hit the clown’s face is fun, but really it’s just a distraction. Keep watching – see how the things slide in and out? You’ve got to time it so that your coin ends up there, on the metal, where it might do some good by pushing the others off on to the next bit and then: ker-ching! A big clump falls off into the tray below! Wouldn’t that be exciting! Then mummy will take those and … ”
“Yes?” says my husband with interest. “What will mummy do with them?” “Yes?” says my husband with interest. “What will mummy do with them?”
Mummy will do what she does with all spare coins. “Save them somewhere. Hoard them against the day we have no coins. The day we would bitterly regret letting our son roll them mindlessly down miniature chutes into oblivion. For what? Amusement!”Mummy will do what she does with all spare coins. “Save them somewhere. Hoard them against the day we have no coins. The day we would bitterly regret letting our son roll them mindlessly down miniature chutes into oblivion. For what? Amusement!”
“They’re. Tuppences.”“They’re. Tuppences.”
“It. Doesn’t. Matter.”“It. Doesn’t. Matter.”
You can’t argue with a saver. Especially not one with an Irish Catholic peasant history going back to the dawn of timeYou can’t argue with a saver. Especially not one with an Irish Catholic peasant history going back to the dawn of time
“A tuppence saved is a tuppence earned, is that what you’re saying?”“A tuppence saved is a tuppence earned, is that what you’re saying?”
“Exactly. And several tuppences saved is several tuppences earned.”“Exactly. And several tuppences saved is several tuppences earned.”
“Do you honestly envisage them as the thin brown line between us and, at some unspecified future date, penury?” “Do you honestly envisage them as the thin brown line between us and, at some unspecified future date, penury?”
“Yes, I do. Doesn’t everyone?”“Yes, I do. Doesn’t everyone?”
You can’t argue with a saver. Especially not one with an Irish Catholic peasant history stretching back to the dawn of time. Husbanding resources is in my blood and bones - both of which I would wish you to make a nutritious stock out of if the crops have failed when my time comes. In my heart, there’s rain. It is falling on ground covered with a thick layer of portents of doom before draining away to the fields to rot those crops.You can’t argue with a saver. Especially not one with an Irish Catholic peasant history stretching back to the dawn of time. Husbanding resources is in my blood and bones - both of which I would wish you to make a nutritious stock out of if the crops have failed when my time comes. In my heart, there’s rain. It is falling on ground covered with a thick layer of portents of doom before draining away to the fields to rot those crops.
Just then, the air fills with the glorious sound of coins dislodged and cascading into the tray. I scoop them up and into my bag. “Well done, son,” I say. “Mummy will save these now.” Mummy will save everyone.Just then, the air fills with the glorious sound of coins dislodged and cascading into the tray. I scoop them up and into my bag. “Well done, son,” I say. “Mummy will save these now.” Mummy will save everyone.
Need to escape? Join the clubNeed to escape? Join the club
Speaking of investment, as we almost were – I have long cherished the idea of setting up a chain of clubs called The Greta Garbo, where people can pay just to pop in and read a book / sit in silence / have a nap / daydream for 20 minutes, without having to queue, buy and waste a coffee they don’t want, worry about other people starting conversations, or be bothered by muzak – and I think the time is now propitious. Brexit, Trump, Channel 4’s Naked Attraction: there is now an overwhelming need for escape and retreat. Venture capitalists, please get in touch. These coppers have not added up as quickly as I’d hoped.Speaking of investment, as we almost were – I have long cherished the idea of setting up a chain of clubs called The Greta Garbo, where people can pay just to pop in and read a book / sit in silence / have a nap / daydream for 20 minutes, without having to queue, buy and waste a coffee they don’t want, worry about other people starting conversations, or be bothered by muzak – and I think the time is now propitious. Brexit, Trump, Channel 4’s Naked Attraction: there is now an overwhelming need for escape and retreat. Venture capitalists, please get in touch. These coppers have not added up as quickly as I’d hoped.
Inside, she’s cryingInside, she’s crying
Khloe Kardashian described herself as “internally sad” when her brother Rob announced that his fiancee were pregnant. I don’t have time to unpick all that is contained within this formulation by one of the most mediated entities in modern life, so I’ll just roll it down the chute and hope it hits a psycholinguist with anything from a monograph to an entire PhD to write. I suspect it heralds a veritable cascade of delights. Khloe Kardashian described herself as “internally sad” when her brother Rob announced that his fiancee were pregnant. I don’t have time to unpick all that is contained within this formulation by one of the most mediated entities in modern life, so I’ll just roll it down the chute and hope it hits a psycholinguist with anything from a monograph to an entire PhD to write. I suspect it heralds a veritable cascade of delights.