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The perils of playground etiquette can make Trumps of us all The perils of playground etiquette can make Trumps of us all
(4 days later)
It has been said repeatedly this year that US politics has been reduced to the level of the playground, an analogy assumed to refer to children’s behaviour but that, in my experience, might just as accurately refer to their parents’.It has been said repeatedly this year that US politics has been reduced to the level of the playground, an analogy assumed to refer to children’s behaviour but that, in my experience, might just as accurately refer to their parents’.
Related: How pushy should parents be?
I thought of this again on Sunday while in the playground at the sprinklers, a fraught space where toddlers gather with buckets to play in the water and enormous seven-year-olds race by, occasionally knocking them all down. Around the perimeter, adults stood monitoring the scene, including a woman who turned to me as I picked up a blue bucket to give to one of my children, and said: “Oh, that’s ours.”I thought of this again on Sunday while in the playground at the sprinklers, a fraught space where toddlers gather with buckets to play in the water and enormous seven-year-olds race by, occasionally knocking them all down. Around the perimeter, adults stood monitoring the scene, including a woman who turned to me as I picked up a blue bucket to give to one of my children, and said: “Oh, that’s ours.”
Bucket etiquette in these situations is unspoken and complex, resting on notions of give and take that assert, correctly, that if a child is using something, another can’t come along and take it away, even if it happens to be his. The problem was the tone of her “oh, that’s ours”, which had about it the flat, unassailable air of a certain type of New York parent, one fond of words such as “boundaries” and “issues” and which immediately flipped my Trumpian switch.Bucket etiquette in these situations is unspoken and complex, resting on notions of give and take that assert, correctly, that if a child is using something, another can’t come along and take it away, even if it happens to be his. The problem was the tone of her “oh, that’s ours”, which had about it the flat, unassailable air of a certain type of New York parent, one fond of words such as “boundaries” and “issues” and which immediately flipped my Trumpian switch.
It 100% wasn’t her bucket. I realised I’d be unable to prove this, however, since I’d failed to write our name on the side. Instead, I had noticed that a corner of the manufacturing label had torn off at the bottom, something there was no way of pointing out without sounding insane.It 100% wasn’t her bucket. I realised I’d be unable to prove this, however, since I’d failed to write our name on the side. Instead, I had noticed that a corner of the manufacturing label had torn off at the bottom, something there was no way of pointing out without sounding insane.
Obviously, the thing to do would have been to let this pass; it was a $2 bucket from a convenience store. Instead, I said reflexively and in a formulation I haven’t used for around 30 years: “Yeah, but it isn’t though.”Obviously, the thing to do would have been to let this pass; it was a $2 bucket from a convenience store. Instead, I said reflexively and in a formulation I haven’t used for around 30 years: “Yeah, but it isn’t though.”
The woman looked at me quizzically. “Excuse me?”The woman looked at me quizzically. “Excuse me?”
Well, this was awkward. “I mean you can use it …” I trailed off.Well, this was awkward. “I mean you can use it …” I trailed off.
“We’re using it,” she said defiantly, as if this settled the argument.“We’re using it,” she said defiantly, as if this settled the argument.
“Yeah, you can,” I said, with what I hoped was sarcastic largesse.“Yeah, you can,” I said, with what I hoped was sarcastic largesse.
Then I stood there, arms folded, muttering to myself like Muttley the dog while deploying every shred of willpower I had not to Hulk out and call her an arsehole. She left the bucket behind when she exited the park, which I took to be a tacit admission of guilt and further evidence, should it be needed, that most of us do not have the disposition to run for president. (Can I just point out, her kid was also using two buckets. Two! He already had one! He didn’t even need ours!)Then I stood there, arms folded, muttering to myself like Muttley the dog while deploying every shred of willpower I had not to Hulk out and call her an arsehole. She left the bucket behind when she exited the park, which I took to be a tacit admission of guilt and further evidence, should it be needed, that most of us do not have the disposition to run for president. (Can I just point out, her kid was also using two buckets. Two! He already had one! He didn’t even need ours!)
Bluetooth bubblesBluetooth bubbles
Other childish notions persist, primarily that if we can’t see or hear other people, they can’t see or hear us. This week, in a cafe on Broadway, a man on his laptop wearing a Bluetooth headset shouted, from within his bubble and for all to hear, his name, date of birth, home address and last four digits of his social security number, to whatever internet banking operator he had on the line.Other childish notions persist, primarily that if we can’t see or hear other people, they can’t see or hear us. This week, in a cafe on Broadway, a man on his laptop wearing a Bluetooth headset shouted, from within his bubble and for all to hear, his name, date of birth, home address and last four digits of his social security number, to whatever internet banking operator he had on the line.
This was, in all likelihood, not a real security risk. The chances of a passing identity thief whipping out a pen to jot it all down were extremely remote. But it did seem to mark a further erosion of the line between public and private space, one based on delusions of invisibility that can surely come to no good.This was, in all likelihood, not a real security risk. The chances of a passing identity thief whipping out a pen to jot it all down were extremely remote. But it did seem to mark a further erosion of the line between public and private space, one based on delusions of invisibility that can surely come to no good.
Paying your duesPaying your dues
One social sanction that still, surprisingly, has the power to influence behaviour, is the threat of a fine. Six library books overdue by two days only amounts to a dollar or so. But dread of the word “overdue” is so imbedded in my psyche that I practically ran the three blocks from my house to the library and apologised profusely.One social sanction that still, surprisingly, has the power to influence behaviour, is the threat of a fine. Six library books overdue by two days only amounts to a dollar or so. But dread of the word “overdue” is so imbedded in my psyche that I practically ran the three blocks from my house to the library and apologised profusely.
Anything less risked the onset of chaos, disorder and the collapse of the known world – although not, perhaps, the definitive onset of adulthood.Anything less risked the onset of chaos, disorder and the collapse of the known world – although not, perhaps, the definitive onset of adulthood.