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| Why Japanese PM Shinzo Abe was dressed as Super Mario in Rio | |
| (about 1 hour later) | |
| Name: Shinzo Abe. | Name: Shinzo Abe. |
| Age: 61. | Age: 61. |
| Appearance: Italian plumber. | Appearance: Italian plumber. |
| That’s not what he looks like, is it? It’s not a full-time thing. It’s a sometimes thing. | That’s not what he looks like, is it? It’s not a full-time thing. It’s a sometimes thing. |
| When? At the Olympics. | When? At the Olympics. |
| What sort of person who isn’t a full-time plumber dresses up like just one for the Olympics? The prime minister of Japan, that’s who. | What sort of person who isn’t a full-time plumber dresses up like just one for the Olympics? The prime minister of Japan, that’s who. |
| Do his family know? They do now: as part the Olympic closing ceremony in Rio, Abe made an appearance dressed as the popular video-game character Super Mario, holding a big red ball in his hands. | Do his family know? They do now: as part the Olympic closing ceremony in Rio, Abe made an appearance dressed as the popular video-game character Super Mario, holding a big red ball in his hands. |
| Let’s forget about the why for a minute. How did he look? Supremely ill at ease. | Let’s forget about the why for a minute. How did he look? Supremely ill at ease. |
| I meant how much did he look like Super Mario? Hard to say. His costume fell away almost the instant he appeared, leaving him standing in a sober suit. | I meant how much did he look like Super Mario? Hard to say. His costume fell away almost the instant he appeared, leaving him standing in a sober suit. |
| OK, I think I’m ready for the why now. As Japan is hosting the games next time round, the country was given a brief segment to showcase its plans, right after the Olympic flag was passed to the governor of Tokyo. | OK, I think I’m ready for the why now. As Japan is hosting the games next time round, the country was given a brief segment to showcase its plans, right after the Olympic flag was passed to the governor of Tokyo. |
| Uh-huh. The flashy pre-recorded segment, featuring other Japanese exports including Pac-Man and Hello Kitty, ended with Abe turning into Super Mario, diving into a pipe and drilling his way through the earth to reach the Maracanã stadium, where he made his live entrance. | Uh-huh. The flashy pre-recorded segment, featuring other Japanese exports including Pac-Man and Hello Kitty, ended with Abe turning into Super Mario, diving into a pipe and drilling his way through the earth to reach the Maracanã stadium, where he made his live entrance. |
| At the risk of generalising, Japan is weird. It’s no weirder than the Queen parachuting into London’s opening ceremony in 2012. | At the risk of generalising, Japan is weird. It’s no weirder than the Queen parachuting into London’s opening ceremony in 2012. |
| Except, according to my sources, she didn’t really do that. I’m fairly certain Abe didn’t drill through the planet either. | Except, according to my sources, she didn’t really do that. I’m fairly certain Abe didn’t drill through the planet either. |
| I’d have to review the footage. Anyway, I’m intrigued. Tell me a bit more about him. Born into a politically prominent family, Abe was first elected PM in 2006, and now heads up a coalition with a huge majority. | I’d have to review the footage. Anyway, I’m intrigued. Tell me a bit more about him. Born into a politically prominent family, Abe was first elected PM in 2006, and now heads up a coalition with a huge majority. |
| Sorry, I was asking about Super Mario. Before gaining the honorific Super, plain old Mario debuted in the arcade game Donkey Kong in 1981. Originally a carpenter, he retrained as a plumber to work with his brother Luigi. He used to take a lot of mushrooms. | Sorry, I was asking about Super Mario. Before gaining the honorific Super, plain old Mario debuted in the arcade game Donkey Kong in 1981. Originally a carpenter, he retrained as a plumber to work with his brother Luigi. He used to take a lot of mushrooms. |
| Do say: “I can’t wait for Tokyo 2020, the SuperMarioLympics!” | Do say: “I can’t wait for Tokyo 2020, the SuperMarioLympics!” |
| Don’t say: “Thank God you’re here. The toilet block has flooded again.” | Don’t say: “Thank God you’re here. The toilet block has flooded again.” |