Brexit means Brexit: the only thing that has changed is the arithmetic
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Version 0 of 1. High-level inter-departmental talks. Trade minister It’s great that little Owen thingy person lost. Chancellor Don’t you like Owen Smith? Trade minister No, he was against Corbyn. Chancellor So are we, aren’t we? Trade minister No! We love Corbyn! As long as Corbyn’s leading Labour, we’ll be in power for ever. Chancellor I think Owen’s harmless. Trade minister Harmless? No way. He has been saying there should be another referendum, or an election, when we actually know the terms. Chancellor And what’s Corbyn saying? Trade minister Nobody can quite work that out. I don’t think he knows. Chancellor Here’s what I don’t get: why are we different from Greece? The Greeks voted for Grexit. The EU just ignored them. But when we vote for Brexit, they tell us to hurry up and get out. Trade minister That’s because nobody gives a fig about Greece. Their economy is in the toilet. The point is, the EU are insisting that we trigger article 50, hurry up with the negotiations and get out. Chancellor How? We have cut the civil service by 20% since 2010. You hardly have anyone in your department to conduct the negotiations. We need to recruit about 10,000 graduates. Trade minister Ten thousand? Chancellor That’s the estimate. We’ll have to scour Starbucks and McDonald’s and get all those unemployed grads and linguists who can’t get a job and are living at home with their parents. Trade minister What will it cost? Chancellor To employ 10,000 more people? About £5bn. Trade minister OK. We can take it out of the NHS. Chancellor But you promised that leaving would enable us to add £350m to the NHS. Trade minister That’s what we said. But things change. Chancellor Nothing has changed. Trade minister Yes, it has – our arithmetic. Chancellor Well, you’re right that Greece’s economy is in the toilet. So will ours be unless we’re very lucky. Trade minister Look! You’re supposed to be on our side! Chancellor Does that mean I should ignore the facts? Trade minister Of course! That’s how we won the referendum. |