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| 'Don't ask, don't tell': military members 'out and proud' five years after repeal | 'Don't ask, don't tell': military members 'out and proud' five years after repeal |
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| SSgt Joshua Gravett always knew he wanted to join the US army. He grew up a “military brat” with someone from every generation of his family in the armed forces. | SSgt Joshua Gravett always knew he wanted to join the US army. He grew up a “military brat” with someone from every generation of his family in the armed forces. |
| He enlisted in 2003, 10 years after ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ (DADT) was signed, the military’s former policy in which lesbian, gay and bisexual members could serve only if they hid their sexuality. Proponents of DADT said openly gay troops could hinder military effectiveness. “I knew I was gay since I was in elementary school, but I wanted to serve my country,” Gravett said. | He enlisted in 2003, 10 years after ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ (DADT) was signed, the military’s former policy in which lesbian, gay and bisexual members could serve only if they hid their sexuality. Proponents of DADT said openly gay troops could hinder military effectiveness. “I knew I was gay since I was in elementary school, but I wanted to serve my country,” Gravett said. |
| I knew I was gay since I was in elementary school, but I wanted to serve my country | I knew I was gay since I was in elementary school, but I wanted to serve my country |
| During his first years of service, Gravett said he felt lonely and like he was living a double life. He made sure no one would ever suspect him. “You’d never find me at a gay bar. You’d never find me on a chat room,” he said. “That’s all it took was someone just to think you were gay and they could report it. Even your closest friends that you wanted to tell all along, you couldn’t tell because the wrong person might hear.” | During his first years of service, Gravett said he felt lonely and like he was living a double life. He made sure no one would ever suspect him. “You’d never find me at a gay bar. You’d never find me on a chat room,” he said. “That’s all it took was someone just to think you were gay and they could report it. Even your closest friends that you wanted to tell all along, you couldn’t tell because the wrong person might hear.” |
| The ban on openly lesbian, gay or bisexual troops officially ended on 20 September 2011 – five years ago this month – after it was voted on by Congress and signed by President Obama. The policy was first announced by then president Bill Clinton, and he has since said he regretted the policy. Marking the five-year anniversary of the repeal, defense secretary Ash Carter said in a press release that the military is “stronger than ever and continues to exemplify the very best that our great nation has to offer”. The Pentagon lifted the ban on transgender people serving openly in the military on 20 June 2016. | The ban on openly lesbian, gay or bisexual troops officially ended on 20 September 2011 – five years ago this month – after it was voted on by Congress and signed by President Obama. The policy was first announced by then president Bill Clinton, and he has since said he regretted the policy. Marking the five-year anniversary of the repeal, defense secretary Ash Carter said in a press release that the military is “stronger than ever and continues to exemplify the very best that our great nation has to offer”. The Pentagon lifted the ban on transgender people serving openly in the military on 20 June 2016. |
| Gravett and others who lived through DADT told the Guardian that so much had changed since the repeal, though the past feels unbelievable at times. “It’s hard to believe that five years ago, I didn’t know a single gay service member,” said Gravett, 31, who is currently on recruitment duty in New York. “I was the only one because I would never do anything to out myself.” | Gravett and others who lived through DADT told the Guardian that so much had changed since the repeal, though the past feels unbelievable at times. “It’s hard to believe that five years ago, I didn’t know a single gay service member,” said Gravett, 31, who is currently on recruitment duty in New York. “I was the only one because I would never do anything to out myself.” |
| 5 years ago our military ended the discriminatory #DADT policy, taking an important step toward #equality & our military is stronger for it pic.twitter.com/ogmzo3oiu5 | 5 years ago our military ended the discriminatory #DADT policy, taking an important step toward #equality & our military is stronger for it pic.twitter.com/ogmzo3oiu5 |
| Around the time the ban was lifted, there were an estimated 66,000 lesbian, gay and bisexual service members in the military. More than 14,500 people were thought to have been discharged under DADT during the 18 years it was in effect. But the ban on homosexuality in the military began long before DADT, with as many as 100,000 discharged for their sexual orientation from the second world war to the 2011 repeal, according to the New York Times. | Around the time the ban was lifted, there were an estimated 66,000 lesbian, gay and bisexual service members in the military. More than 14,500 people were thought to have been discharged under DADT during the 18 years it was in effect. But the ban on homosexuality in the military began long before DADT, with as many as 100,000 discharged for their sexual orientation from the second world war to the 2011 repeal, according to the New York Times. |
| Ashley Broadway-Mack, the president of the not-for-profit American Military Partner Association, met her wife, army Lt Col Heather Mack, in 1997 through a recreational soccer league. | Ashley Broadway-Mack, the president of the not-for-profit American Military Partner Association, met her wife, army Lt Col Heather Mack, in 1997 through a recreational soccer league. |
| As their relationship flourished, Broadway-Mack made the leap to live the military lifestyle for her partner and got a glimpse into what being in a same-sex relationship under DADT was like. They could live together off of the base, but because Mack was an officer they had to lie and say they were just roommates. When Mack was stationed in South Korea, Broadway-Mack went too – teaching English and pretending they were cousins. “I used to laugh and say I really need to be nominated for an Academy Award because after so many years I could just switch my personality,” she said. | As their relationship flourished, Broadway-Mack made the leap to live the military lifestyle for her partner and got a glimpse into what being in a same-sex relationship under DADT was like. They could live together off of the base, but because Mack was an officer they had to lie and say they were just roommates. When Mack was stationed in South Korea, Broadway-Mack went too – teaching English and pretending they were cousins. “I used to laugh and say I really need to be nominated for an Academy Award because after so many years I could just switch my personality,” she said. |
| They didn’t talk much when Mack for deployed for fear of suspicion – once going about 60 days without contact. When they decided to have children, Broadway-Mack said she couldn’t go to her partner’s doctor appointments. During her delivery, Mack went into cardiac arrest and their son was taken to a neonatal intensive care unit. Because of the few rights afforded to lesbian, gay and bisexual couples back then outside of the military, Broadway-Mack had to jump through hoops to care for her partner and her son. “I remember that night very vividly,” Broadway-Mack said, “praying that if Heather and Carson would be OK that I would do my best as a person to try and make a difference in someone else’s life so they would not have to go through what I was going through.” | They didn’t talk much when Mack for deployed for fear of suspicion – once going about 60 days without contact. When they decided to have children, Broadway-Mack said she couldn’t go to her partner’s doctor appointments. During her delivery, Mack went into cardiac arrest and their son was taken to a neonatal intensive care unit. Because of the few rights afforded to lesbian, gay and bisexual couples back then outside of the military, Broadway-Mack had to jump through hoops to care for her partner and her son. “I remember that night very vividly,” Broadway-Mack said, “praying that if Heather and Carson would be OK that I would do my best as a person to try and make a difference in someone else’s life so they would not have to go through what I was going through.” |
| I honored Army Staff Sergeant Joshua Gravett, an LGBT svcmember who is tonight's #VetOfTheGame at #PrideNightMets pic.twitter.com/hJPU7D7jhQ | I honored Army Staff Sergeant Joshua Gravett, an LGBT svcmember who is tonight's #VetOfTheGame at #PrideNightMets pic.twitter.com/hJPU7D7jhQ |
| Ashley Carothers, 30, said she long dreamt of the day she could be herself without fear of retribution. Knowing she was a lesbian long before she enlisted in the Air Force in 2005, her mindset was singular when she joined. “If someone asked, you would always quickly say, ‘No, not me. Why would I do that? That’s illegal. You can’t do that in the military’,” she said. | |
| While she was stationed in Germany, Carothers became part of the leadership in the base’s chapter of OutServe-SLDN, a not-for-profit group representing LGBT members of the military. It was like a secret society where members could come together without fear. “They would immediately change from living a fake life to being themselves and who they really are,” Carothers said of their gatherings. | While she was stationed in Germany, Carothers became part of the leadership in the base’s chapter of OutServe-SLDN, a not-for-profit group representing LGBT members of the military. It was like a secret society where members could come together without fear. “They would immediately change from living a fake life to being themselves and who they really are,” Carothers said of their gatherings. |
| SSgt Matthew Hardwig, 24, enlisted in the air force in April 2010. Stationed in North Dakota, he joined the local chapter of OutServe after a fellow member of the air force outed him. His superiors never formally questioned him, but he was nervous about the possibility. He attempted suicide. “I was very scared; nervous about what would happen with my career since I was still so very young,” he said. The chapter leader of OutServe reached out to him and offered guidance. | SSgt Matthew Hardwig, 24, enlisted in the air force in April 2010. Stationed in North Dakota, he joined the local chapter of OutServe after a fellow member of the air force outed him. His superiors never formally questioned him, but he was nervous about the possibility. He attempted suicide. “I was very scared; nervous about what would happen with my career since I was still so very young,” he said. The chapter leader of OutServe reached out to him and offered guidance. |
| Though Denny Meyer, 70, left the military in 1978 as a sergeant first class, he said the repeal still meant a great deal to him. He served in the navy and army reserves from 1968 to 1978 and said he would have stayed longer had he not needed to hide his identity. “You had to listen to insults and death threats and crude jokes every day that you served,” he said of his experience. | Though Denny Meyer, 70, left the military in 1978 as a sergeant first class, he said the repeal still meant a great deal to him. He served in the navy and army reserves from 1968 to 1978 and said he would have stayed longer had he not needed to hide his identity. “You had to listen to insults and death threats and crude jokes every day that you served,” he said of his experience. |
| You had to listen to insults and death threats and crude jokes every day that you served | You had to listen to insults and death threats and crude jokes every day that you served |
| His colleague at the not-for-profit American Veterans for Equal Rights, Danny Ingram, was one of the first discharged under DADT. Ingram enlisted in the army in 1988 but soon felt that he needed to speak up about his sexuality. He wrote a letter coming out to his commanding officer in 1992 and, after a delay because it was believed that Clinton might lift the ban on open LGBT military members, was discharged in 1994, he said. | His colleague at the not-for-profit American Veterans for Equal Rights, Danny Ingram, was one of the first discharged under DADT. Ingram enlisted in the army in 1988 but soon felt that he needed to speak up about his sexuality. He wrote a letter coming out to his commanding officer in 1992 and, after a delay because it was believed that Clinton might lift the ban on open LGBT military members, was discharged in 1994, he said. |
| When the Senate voted to repeal DADT in December 2010, Broadway-Mack held her infant son and watched the votes come in on TV. When the legislation was finally signed after many years of legislative battles, Ingram was in attendance. The policy wouldn’t officially be repealed until 20 September 2011. “We were so happy but it was like, OK, but you still have to stay in the closet until they say you can come out,” Broadway-Mack said. | When the Senate voted to repeal DADT in December 2010, Broadway-Mack held her infant son and watched the votes come in on TV. When the legislation was finally signed after many years of legislative battles, Ingram was in attendance. The policy wouldn’t officially be repealed until 20 September 2011. “We were so happy but it was like, OK, but you still have to stay in the closet until they say you can come out,” Broadway-Mack said. |
| The night of the repeal in September, Carothers and her fellow OutServe members in Germany held a dinner party that was captured in Stars and Stripes, the military’s newspaper. “It’s a great day to be gay,” she declared, according to the paper. The next day after publication, everyone on the base was giving her high-fives. | The night of the repeal in September, Carothers and her fellow OutServe members in Germany held a dinner party that was captured in Stars and Stripes, the military’s newspaper. “It’s a great day to be gay,” she declared, according to the paper. The next day after publication, everyone on the base was giving her high-fives. |
| Gravett went to his first Pride event in Atlanta that October, then showed up to his post on Fort Bragg in North Carolina in a Human Rights Campaign T-shirt. “I wanted to be out and proud,” he said. He was excited that he could finally date. Later, he was part of the first same-sex couple at his division’s formal, where all of his senior commanders from his unit personally spoke with them. | Gravett went to his first Pride event in Atlanta that October, then showed up to his post on Fort Bragg in North Carolina in a Human Rights Campaign T-shirt. “I wanted to be out and proud,” he said. He was excited that he could finally date. Later, he was part of the first same-sex couple at his division’s formal, where all of his senior commanders from his unit personally spoke with them. |
| Since Gravett has been on recruiting duty in New York, he’s gone to a Pride event in Long Island and was honored at a Mets baseball game. “I’m in uniform for both of those. That’s something that five years ago never would have happened,” he said. He was dating a marine until a few months ago and kept his photo on his desk. | Since Gravett has been on recruiting duty in New York, he’s gone to a Pride event in Long Island and was honored at a Mets baseball game. “I’m in uniform for both of those. That’s something that five years ago never would have happened,” he said. He was dating a marine until a few months ago and kept his photo on his desk. |
| Ingram said he was happy with the progress the military has made in the years since the repeal – noting the recent inclusion of transgender service members and full benefits for same-sex military couples. Eric Fanning, the first openly gay army secretary, was confirmed earlier this year. The navy recently named a ship after Harvey Milk, the gay politician and former member of the navy who was assassinated in 1978, to honor the LGBT community. | Ingram said he was happy with the progress the military has made in the years since the repeal – noting the recent inclusion of transgender service members and full benefits for same-sex military couples. Eric Fanning, the first openly gay army secretary, was confirmed earlier this year. The navy recently named a ship after Harvey Milk, the gay politician and former member of the navy who was assassinated in 1978, to honor the LGBT community. |
| “We are proud to be part of a time when no one is subjected to serve in silence. It is a time where our airmen are honored and given the dignity and respect they deserve,” Secretary of the Air Force Deborah Lee James told the Guardian. | |
| Broadway-Mack faced pushback when she tried to join the spouses club in Fort Bragg in 2013. She said she wanted to join to give back but was denied membership and then was offered a “special guest membership”, according to NBC News. After speaking out and sparking a national conversation, they offered her a full membership. | Broadway-Mack faced pushback when she tried to join the spouses club in Fort Bragg in 2013. She said she wanted to join to give back but was denied membership and then was offered a “special guest membership”, according to NBC News. After speaking out and sparking a national conversation, they offered her a full membership. |
| The repeal was “a huge, huge relief” for Broadway-Mack and her family. She could now fully support her wife by openly attending her promotions. When Mack was pregnant with their second child, Broadway-Mack could go to doctor’s appointments with her. If Mack was deployed, they could Skype and not have to hide. | The repeal was “a huge, huge relief” for Broadway-Mack and her family. She could now fully support her wife by openly attending her promotions. When Mack was pregnant with their second child, Broadway-Mack could go to doctor’s appointments with her. If Mack was deployed, they could Skype and not have to hide. |
| But sometimes, things can still be difficult. Though Broadway-Mack said her family’s life is identical to a straight military family’s life, she and her spouse are still unintentionally careful with how they act in public. “We don’t mean to be, but I guess we were programmed for so long, we’re just not touchy-feely people outside of our house,” she said. “I still to this day feel like, is somebody watching me? And I have to go, no we’re good.” | But sometimes, things can still be difficult. Though Broadway-Mack said her family’s life is identical to a straight military family’s life, she and her spouse are still unintentionally careful with how they act in public. “We don’t mean to be, but I guess we were programmed for so long, we’re just not touchy-feely people outside of our house,” she said. “I still to this day feel like, is somebody watching me? And I have to go, no we’re good.” |
| Carothers, who leads OutServe’s Germany chapter, said she knows service members who still feel uncomfortable being open about their sexuality in their units. There are still some members who make inappropriate comments. “You just know not to converse with those individuals and talk about your personal life because they automatically make you feel uncomfortable.” Hardwig, who leads the North Dakota chapter, has made sure to speak out when he does hear inappropriate comments. “I can’t tell the people in my chapter to report it if I’m not going to do it myself,” he said. | Carothers, who leads OutServe’s Germany chapter, said she knows service members who still feel uncomfortable being open about their sexuality in their units. There are still some members who make inappropriate comments. “You just know not to converse with those individuals and talk about your personal life because they automatically make you feel uncomfortable.” Hardwig, who leads the North Dakota chapter, has made sure to speak out when he does hear inappropriate comments. “I can’t tell the people in my chapter to report it if I’m not going to do it myself,” he said. |
| Overall, Broadway-Mack and others said they believe the military community is looking out for their own. However, many said more needs to be done. “Now they need to take the next step for transgender members,” Carothers said, and others echoed her sentiments. “We need to make sure our trans brothers and sisters aren’t left behind,” Hardwig said. | Overall, Broadway-Mack and others said they believe the military community is looking out for their own. However, many said more needs to be done. “Now they need to take the next step for transgender members,” Carothers said, and others echoed her sentiments. “We need to make sure our trans brothers and sisters aren’t left behind,” Hardwig said. |