Secret Teacher: I'm my school's go-to gay guy

https://www.theguardian.com/teacher-network/2016/oct/29/secret-teacher-school-gay-tell-pupils

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I recently decided to move schools. I was in middle management, and the combative ethos of my school wasn’t good for me or my health. I moved to a comprehensive with a good reputation, closer to my family, in an old mining area.

I was relieved to be starting again, in a job with no additional responsibilities. Here, I thought, I could finally be myself – and I started to think about being out at work. I had been suppressing my true self and living a lie: friends and family knew about my sexuality, but it was tiresome to lead a dual existence and keep up a pretence with colleagues and students.

I wanted to show my new students it was OK to be gay, that I was proud of who I was. If nothing else, it would mean an end to all of those draining strategies I’d employed at work for years: don’t admit you’re into musical theatre; don’t flounce; say you like football (I do, so that one’s not too bad). The problem is that my teaching style is quite dramatic and, well, flouncy at times, unlike that of most maths teachers.

I told my new head of department that I was thinking about revealing my sexuality at school. Her only concern was that some members of the team might offend me by making jokes – though with the aim of making me feel part of the team. I then broached my intentions with the headteacher. He’s old-school, in a good way, traditionalist but totally living in the real world. He didn’t bat an eyelid and told me to get on with it.

This was easier said than done. I wasn’t sure how to broach the subject, short of singing I Am What I Am in assembly. An opportunity came when I took on a Y11 tutor group as a maternity cover. In our first session, one of the students asked straight out if I was gay. I answered with an emphatic “Yes”. I waited for the booing or the pretending-to-be-sick noises, but none came. A group of girls wanted to know if I was single (I’d recently broken up with someone) and whether I’d have a civil ceremony (yes, if I met the right guy) but otherwise it was a non-event. I do think my honesty served to make them trust me quickly – vital in a pastoral role – but my sexuality was ultimately quite boring.

My transparency has become an advantage. I’m the school’s go-to gay guy. People with gay children have asked me for advice. Other teachers have shared their concerns about the vulnerability of gay students.

I hope my decision will help some of the young people in my school to feel less scared about making that still-scary step themselves. I recently ran into some of my students at a local gay pride event and they were thrilled to see me there. I loved seeing them there too, looking happy and relaxed in a safe environment and celebrating who they are.

So why bother to tell my story in my workplace? Why now? Because there are new stories about LGBT rights every week, from cake-based discrimination to posthumous pardons. But being out is a personal choice and it isn’t always as easy as I’ve found it.

I love that my fellow teachers check in on me when they hear ridiculous comments about how gay marriages cause floods or of politicians cosying up to homophobes to win votes. These discussions with colleagues have led to a better understanding of why coming out was so important to me and why Gay Pride events are still necessary – though I wish they weren’t.

When I made the decision to come out at work, it was the right time for me. Would it have been more difficult 10 years previously? I honestly don’t know. What I do know, is that coming out at school may end up being the best teaching decision you ever make.

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