This article is from the source 'guardian' and was first published or seen on . It last changed over 40 days ago and won't be checked again for changes.
You can find the current article at its original source at https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2016/oct/31/westminsters-leonard-cohen-croons-way-trouble-greg-clark-brexit-john-crace
The article has changed 5 times. There is an RSS feed of changes available.
| Version 0 | Version 1 |
|---|---|
| Westminster’s Leonard Cohen croons his way into trouble | |
| (about 5 hours later) | |
| He was born like this, he had no choice. He was born with the gift of the golden voice. Over the last few days, the business secretary, Greg Clark, has reinvented himself as Westminster’s Leonard Cohen. And just as well for Theresa May, otherwise Nissan might not have chosen to build its new Qashqai and X-Trail models at its Sunderland plant and 42,000 people could have been out of work in the north-east. | He was born like this, he had no choice. He was born with the gift of the golden voice. Over the last few days, the business secretary, Greg Clark, has reinvented himself as Westminster’s Leonard Cohen. And just as well for Theresa May, otherwise Nissan might not have chosen to build its new Qashqai and X-Trail models at its Sunderland plant and 42,000 people could have been out of work in the north-east. |
| For a man who was speaking on behalf of a government that only last week had declared it wouldn’t be giving a running commentary or exposing its Brexit negotiating positions, Clark has turned out to have an awful lot to say about both. Along with how much of a smooth-talking bastard he really is. On Sunday he had been charming the TV channels; on Monday he was forced to do the same again in the Commons. | For a man who was speaking on behalf of a government that only last week had declared it wouldn’t be giving a running commentary or exposing its Brexit negotiating positions, Clark has turned out to have an awful lot to say about both. Along with how much of a smooth-talking bastard he really is. On Sunday he had been charming the TV channels; on Monday he was forced to do the same again in the Commons. |
| “I’d just like to say this about the deal,” said the silver-tongued Man with the Golden Voice. “Yes, I went all the way to Japan to gig with Nissan but I didn’t really talk to them about anything specific. It was no biggie. I just crooned a bit about how much Britain loves Nissan cars and that I could promise them that everything would be hunky-dory whatever happened with the EU. And they just looked into my limpid eyes and fell out the trees straight into my pocket.” | |
| While delighted that 42,000 workers would get to keep their jobs after all, the shadow business secretary, Clive Lewis, was understandably a little sceptical about just what sort of promises had been made. How could the Man with the Golden Voice have guaranteed Nissan would not be adversely affected by tariffs at some point in the future when Britain hadn’t even begun its trade negotiations with the EU? Surely Nissan couldn’t have been so blinded by his charms that they wouldn’t have needed a few cash sweeteners as reassurance in case the EU wasn’t as easily swayed as they they were? | |
| “Can he publish the letters he exchanged with Nissan?” Lewis demanded. | “Can he publish the letters he exchanged with Nissan?” Lewis demanded. |
| “I don’t think that would be the right thing to do,” said the Man with the Golden Voice, who was by now beginning to ache in the places where he used to play. “I wouldn’t want to embarrass Nissan by letting the whole world know how easily I twisted them round my little finger.” | “I don’t think that would be the right thing to do,” said the Man with the Golden Voice, who was by now beginning to ache in the places where he used to play. “I wouldn’t want to embarrass Nissan by letting the whole world know how easily I twisted them round my little finger.” |
| This was more than enough for the more simple-minded Conservatives, such as Iain Duncan Smith and Michael Gove, who were thrilled to take the Nissan announcement as a sign from God. “We Brexiteers are a Chosen People who will be delivered from our enemies in the EU,” they squeaked. | |
| Others, such as Andrew Tyrie, chairman of the Treasury select committee, wanted a little more clarification. If Nissan were to be considered a benchmark deal that would be available to other companies in other sectors of the economy, then surely it must signal that Britain wished to retain access to the single market? And if it were to trade – as the Man with the Golden Voice had insisted – without undue impediments, then surely that meant Britain would also have to remain within the customs union? | Others, such as Andrew Tyrie, chairman of the Treasury select committee, wanted a little more clarification. If Nissan were to be considered a benchmark deal that would be available to other companies in other sectors of the economy, then surely it must signal that Britain wished to retain access to the single market? And if it were to trade – as the Man with the Golden Voice had insisted – without undue impediments, then surely that meant Britain would also have to remain within the customs union? |
| This was all rapidly getting well above the Man with the Golden Voice’s pay grade. He’d only meant to save himself the embarrassment of falling at the first hurdle by throwing 42,000 people on to the dole and had ended up giving away the government’s plan. The plan was that there was no real plan and that everything would just be worked out on an ad hoc basis and wherever we end up would turn out to have been the plan all along. | This was all rapidly getting well above the Man with the Golden Voice’s pay grade. He’d only meant to save himself the embarrassment of falling at the first hurdle by throwing 42,000 people on to the dole and had ended up giving away the government’s plan. The plan was that there was no real plan and that everything would just be worked out on an ad hoc basis and wherever we end up would turn out to have been the plan all along. |
| When the speaker called time, the Man with the Golden Voice was left with a song running through his mind as he wandered back to explain to Theresa what he had just done. “And there’s a mighty judgment comin’ but I may be wrong / You see, I hear these funny voices in the tower of song.” | When the speaker called time, the Man with the Golden Voice was left with a song running through his mind as he wandered back to explain to Theresa what he had just done. “And there’s a mighty judgment comin’ but I may be wrong / You see, I hear these funny voices in the tower of song.” |