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You can find the current article at its original source at https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/dec/01/children-online-gambling-addiction-digital
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| Only emotional intelligence can save children from online gambling Only emotional intelligence can save children from online gambling | |
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| We keep our kids safe from stranger danger, and the dangers of alcohol and drug abuse. We understand, in part from our own experience, the inherent risks. Who has not felt relief that the kids were indoors in front of the computer screen, or plugged into their smartphone instead of out there doing who knows what, with whom? | We keep our kids safe from stranger danger, and the dangers of alcohol and drug abuse. We understand, in part from our own experience, the inherent risks. Who has not felt relief that the kids were indoors in front of the computer screen, or plugged into their smartphone instead of out there doing who knows what, with whom? |
| We did not know that the real, hidden danger within our homes and their school bags was that computer screen, that smart phone. How do we warn our children of the dangers they face as digital natives in this unfamiliar, uncharted territory? | We did not know that the real, hidden danger within our homes and their school bags was that computer screen, that smart phone. How do we warn our children of the dangers they face as digital natives in this unfamiliar, uncharted territory? |
| Suddenly, and scarily, the threats are revealed. The rise in digital addiction is stark: 23% of teenage boys gamble online; indeed, teenagers are more likely to gamble than they are to smoke or do drugs. | Suddenly, and scarily, the threats are revealed. The rise in digital addiction is stark: 23% of teenage boys gamble online; indeed, teenagers are more likely to gamble than they are to smoke or do drugs. |
| Most parents would not know how to spot the symptoms or understand what makes online gambling or digital activity addictive, making it difficult to have meaningful conversations with their children. You can tell your child to “just say no” to drugs; but how can they say no to online interaction? | Most parents would not know how to spot the symptoms or understand what makes online gambling or digital activity addictive, making it difficult to have meaningful conversations with their children. You can tell your child to “just say no” to drugs; but how can they say no to online interaction? |
| Without going off-grid, they cannot do it. And anyway, in my professional experience as a therapist specialising in gambling addiction, restricting the ability to gamble or use digital devices is not enough to eradicate the risk. To reduce the risk of addiction in children, we need to pay heed to how much time they spend online, doing what. But it is essential we pay attention to what is going on in their world of thoughts and feelings. | Without going off-grid, they cannot do it. And anyway, in my professional experience as a therapist specialising in gambling addiction, restricting the ability to gamble or use digital devices is not enough to eradicate the risk. To reduce the risk of addiction in children, we need to pay heed to how much time they spend online, doing what. But it is essential we pay attention to what is going on in their world of thoughts and feelings. |
| A high level of online gaming in boys is related to bullying, according to the survey by the European school survey project on alcohol and other drugs. Online gambling and gaming is addictive because it provides distraction from stress, depression and anxiety. More young people now suffer these mental health problems for a variety of reasons – whether it’s the stress of school, worries about separating parents, or anxieties around their physical appearance. | A high level of online gaming in boys is related to bullying, according to the survey by the European school survey project on alcohol and other drugs. Online gambling and gaming is addictive because it provides distraction from stress, depression and anxiety. More young people now suffer these mental health problems for a variety of reasons – whether it’s the stress of school, worries about separating parents, or anxieties around their physical appearance. |
| My clients describe their addiction as calming, as a trance, in which concentration on gambling, gaming or their smartphone means that they can block out distressing thoughts and feelings. It is the self-soothing effect they are buying when they gamble. It only becomes about winning money when they have lost everything. | My clients describe their addiction as calming, as a trance, in which concentration on gambling, gaming or their smartphone means that they can block out distressing thoughts and feelings. It is the self-soothing effect they are buying when they gamble. It only becomes about winning money when they have lost everything. |
| Teenage years are a confusing time of intense emotions, when we are vulnerable to anything that numbs emotional pain. Inadvertently, we teach children an association with self-soothing and digital devices when we offer a smartphone to ease toddler tantrums. And gambling is normalised for our teenagers through a plethora of advertisements, and the likelihood that at least one adult in the family will now engage in some type of gambling. | Teenage years are a confusing time of intense emotions, when we are vulnerable to anything that numbs emotional pain. Inadvertently, we teach children an association with self-soothing and digital devices when we offer a smartphone to ease toddler tantrums. And gambling is normalised for our teenagers through a plethora of advertisements, and the likelihood that at least one adult in the family will now engage in some type of gambling. |
| Escaping the misery of being bullied through gambling can mean falling behind with homework and falling out with parents – making the craving for yet more escapism even stronger. Withdrawal is as distressing as from any substance, and having their escape route cut off results in anger, agitation, lies and manipulation, in desperation for another “fix”. | Escaping the misery of being bullied through gambling can mean falling behind with homework and falling out with parents – making the craving for yet more escapism even stronger. Withdrawal is as distressing as from any substance, and having their escape route cut off results in anger, agitation, lies and manipulation, in desperation for another “fix”. |
| In digital life you can create your character; you can become someone stronger. In pay-to-play games, you buy virtual ammunition; living life online as a warrior feels better than being a classroom victim. Gambling online and winning makes you feel like a winner. The winnings buy more gambling – and with it, more of that empowering feeling. All the while, the virtual world feels like the safest place to stay. | In digital life you can create your character; you can become someone stronger. In pay-to-play games, you buy virtual ammunition; living life online as a warrior feels better than being a classroom victim. Gambling online and winning makes you feel like a winner. The winnings buy more gambling – and with it, more of that empowering feeling. All the while, the virtual world feels like the safest place to stay. |
| Spending on pay-to-play games is a short step away from spending money on gambling, although now that same desire to escape will mean losing track of the amount of money spent. Using a parent’s credit card to “borrow a couple of quid” results, for many, in maxing it out when money does not feel any more real than the virtual variety used in games. In a panicked attempt to win it back, a destructive cycle of loss-chasing can start. | Spending on pay-to-play games is a short step away from spending money on gambling, although now that same desire to escape will mean losing track of the amount of money spent. Using a parent’s credit card to “borrow a couple of quid” results, for many, in maxing it out when money does not feel any more real than the virtual variety used in games. In a panicked attempt to win it back, a destructive cycle of loss-chasing can start. |
| Can we reduce the risk to children? I consistently see that what helps prevent the development of addiction is a strong identity, healthy relationships, and mental and emotional resilience. In childhood we are practising these skills essential to a healthy and happy life, but it takes time. Unfortunately, our lifestyles do not allow for this time. | Can we reduce the risk to children? I consistently see that what helps prevent the development of addiction is a strong identity, healthy relationships, and mental and emotional resilience. In childhood we are practising these skills essential to a healthy and happy life, but it takes time. Unfortunately, our lifestyles do not allow for this time. |
| I asked a young client of mine how he spent his unscheduled time. The exhausted 14-year-old said he had none; what was not demanded by school was divided between private tuition and after-school clubs. Well-meaning parents often don’t realise the impact of leaving no time for children to relax, reflect and relate one-to-one. | I asked a young client of mine how he spent his unscheduled time. The exhausted 14-year-old said he had none; what was not demanded by school was divided between private tuition and after-school clubs. Well-meaning parents often don’t realise the impact of leaving no time for children to relax, reflect and relate one-to-one. |
| The boy concerned was medicating his stress in secret, gambling online rather than risk displeasing his parents by not meeting their schedule. A scary thing about online gambling is that if the screen is hidden, then so is the addiction. | The boy concerned was medicating his stress in secret, gambling online rather than risk displeasing his parents by not meeting their schedule. A scary thing about online gambling is that if the screen is hidden, then so is the addiction. |
| Children are being deprived of the time and opportunity to develop social skills by overuse of social media. Real-world conflict resolution skills are not developed by blocking someone as a friend on Facebook or avoiding an awkward face-to-face conversation by texting. We cannot learn to tolerate natural separation anxieties if we constantly message and track those we love with our smartphones. We do not develop a strong sense of self if, instead of time for self-reflection, we feed ourselves an endless diet of bite-sized information and others’ opinions. | Children are being deprived of the time and opportunity to develop social skills by overuse of social media. Real-world conflict resolution skills are not developed by blocking someone as a friend on Facebook or avoiding an awkward face-to-face conversation by texting. We cannot learn to tolerate natural separation anxieties if we constantly message and track those we love with our smartphones. We do not develop a strong sense of self if, instead of time for self-reflection, we feed ourselves an endless diet of bite-sized information and others’ opinions. |
| We must be realistic. The virtual world is here to stay. Removing all access to online gambling and the digital world is impossible. Teaching the poor odds of a gambling win is of little value in stopping a gambling addiction that is about more than money. | We must be realistic. The virtual world is here to stay. Removing all access to online gambling and the digital world is impossible. Teaching the poor odds of a gambling win is of little value in stopping a gambling addiction that is about more than money. |
| What is possible is teaching children emotional intelligence: how to normalise uncomfortable feelings and manage them. We need to practise what we preach and provide good examples for them. Rushing in, stressed from work, we can choose not to pick up our tablet to self-sooth. Rather, why not take a walk in the park with our children and talk about how our stress reduces as a result? | What is possible is teaching children emotional intelligence: how to normalise uncomfortable feelings and manage them. We need to practise what we preach and provide good examples for them. Rushing in, stressed from work, we can choose not to pick up our tablet to self-sooth. Rather, why not take a walk in the park with our children and talk about how our stress reduces as a result? |
| Online addiction in our children may be new territory, but the pathway to it is familiar – an attempt to manage seemingly unmanageable emotions. We reduce the risk of addiction when we teach our children the best way to deal with them. | Online addiction in our children may be new territory, but the pathway to it is familiar – an attempt to manage seemingly unmanageable emotions. We reduce the risk of addiction when we teach our children the best way to deal with them. |
| My clients describe their addiction as a trance in which gambling blocks out distressing thoughts and feelings | My clients describe their addiction as a trance in which gambling blocks out distressing thoughts and feelings |