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| I almost lost my daughter because of her mental health problems I almost lost my daughter because of her mental health problems | |
| (about 13 hours later) | |
| I can’t remember who noticed the marks on Sally’s* arm first, but I remember the panic. I worked in a school, and I immediately knew what they were. Our 13-year-old daughter was self-harming. | I can’t remember who noticed the marks on Sally’s* arm first, but I remember the panic. I worked in a school, and I immediately knew what they were. Our 13-year-old daughter was self-harming. |
| Sally had an assessment with a consultant psychiatrist one month later who suggested we go private because the waiting list was so long. This was our first taster of the feeling of inadequacy you can have as the parent of a sick child. We didn’t have the money to go private. | Sally had an assessment with a consultant psychiatrist one month later who suggested we go private because the waiting list was so long. This was our first taster of the feeling of inadequacy you can have as the parent of a sick child. We didn’t have the money to go private. |
| Sally saw numerous clinicians in the period between diagnosis and treatment. Once in a while we would take her to child and adolescent mental health services (Camhs), where she would disappear into a room with yet another stranger, and reappear an hour later to be handed back to our care, often without a word. | Sally saw numerous clinicians in the period between diagnosis and treatment. Once in a while we would take her to child and adolescent mental health services (Camhs), where she would disappear into a room with yet another stranger, and reappear an hour later to be handed back to our care, often without a word. |
| I remember noticing that among the posters and leaflets in the Camhs waiting room there was nothing for parents. No support groups. No helplines. The only time we ever figured in her care was when a letter dropped on the doormat one day saying it was, most probably, our fault. Perhaps it was, but was a letter the way to tell us? | I remember noticing that among the posters and leaflets in the Camhs waiting room there was nothing for parents. No support groups. No helplines. The only time we ever figured in her care was when a letter dropped on the doormat one day saying it was, most probably, our fault. Perhaps it was, but was a letter the way to tell us? |
| What kind of system sends two – albeit kind – police officers to take a 13-year-old suicidal child to the hospital? | What kind of system sends two – albeit kind – police officers to take a 13-year-old suicidal child to the hospital? |
| During this time, Sally self-harmed more frequently, at home and at school. The cuts became deeper. The visible signs of the desperation she was feeling could not be missed, and I could see that she was sinking. We felt helpless. It is the most heartbreaking, gut-wrenching feeling to see your child in so much pain, and feel so helpless, unable to take it away or make it better. | During this time, Sally self-harmed more frequently, at home and at school. The cuts became deeper. The visible signs of the desperation she was feeling could not be missed, and I could see that she was sinking. We felt helpless. It is the most heartbreaking, gut-wrenching feeling to see your child in so much pain, and feel so helpless, unable to take it away or make it better. |
| Six months after that first meeting, there was a knock at the door. It was the police. They asked if Sally lived here and we said yes. We knew she was safe, in her room doing homework, but panic and confusion took over. We called up and Sally came down. The police explained that Sally had been on an online chat with Childline and had said she intended to kill herself. | Six months after that first meeting, there was a knock at the door. It was the police. They asked if Sally lived here and we said yes. We knew she was safe, in her room doing homework, but panic and confusion took over. We called up and Sally came down. The police explained that Sally had been on an online chat with Childline and had said she intended to kill herself. |
| Sally admitted to this – I say “admitted” because that’s what you do with the police isn’t it? The officers said she would have to go to A&E and it was best she went willingly. Our terrified daughter agreed. The officers said we could take her, otherwise she’d have been taken in a police car. Like a criminal. It was only later that I discovered the officers would have taken her against her will if she had refused to go. I still shudder at that thought. | Sally admitted to this – I say “admitted” because that’s what you do with the police isn’t it? The officers said she would have to go to A&E and it was best she went willingly. Our terrified daughter agreed. The officers said we could take her, otherwise she’d have been taken in a police car. Like a criminal. It was only later that I discovered the officers would have taken her against her will if she had refused to go. I still shudder at that thought. |
| What kind of system sends two – albeit kind – police officers to take a 13-year-old suicidal child to the hospital? Perhaps the involvement of the police in mental health crises is the legacy of suicide once being a criminal offence. If it is, it’s no wonder it’s proving so hard to eradicate the stigma of mental health problems. | What kind of system sends two – albeit kind – police officers to take a 13-year-old suicidal child to the hospital? Perhaps the involvement of the police in mental health crises is the legacy of suicide once being a criminal offence. If it is, it’s no wonder it’s proving so hard to eradicate the stigma of mental health problems. |
| This was Sally’s first experience of A&E. With little mental health training, all the staff could do was admit Sally to wait for the duty Camhs assessor the next day. I remember one nurse on the children’s ward saying to me: “Is she likely to try anything?” I never left Sally’s side after that. We had many nights on the children’s ward, each time for Sally to be discharged “into our care” the next day by the duty Camhs worker. | This was Sally’s first experience of A&E. With little mental health training, all the staff could do was admit Sally to wait for the duty Camhs assessor the next day. I remember one nurse on the children’s ward saying to me: “Is she likely to try anything?” I never left Sally’s side after that. We had many nights on the children’s ward, each time for Sally to be discharged “into our care” the next day by the duty Camhs worker. |
| I remember, after one admission, the duty worker told me to take her home and keep her safe. Exhausted and frustrated, I almost screamed back at him: “How are we supposed to do that? You see her for one hour, maybe once a week, the rest of the time it’s just us.” We were told to lock away all our medicines, knives, anything sharp, in a box. | I remember, after one admission, the duty worker told me to take her home and keep her safe. Exhausted and frustrated, I almost screamed back at him: “How are we supposed to do that? You see her for one hour, maybe once a week, the rest of the time it’s just us.” We were told to lock away all our medicines, knives, anything sharp, in a box. |
| Sally attempted suicide twice. Both times we found out in time, and took her to A&E, the designated place of safety. To repeat the admit/assess/discharge cycle as before. | Sally attempted suicide twice. Both times we found out in time, and took her to A&E, the designated place of safety. To repeat the admit/assess/discharge cycle as before. |
| I’m always struck by the absence of parents in the Camhs waiting room. My husband, who has always been a very hands-on dad, was told that it was almost unheard of to have a dad at an appointment. There are so many young people who do not have caring supportive adults in their life, but when they do, should we be shamed and blamed because the professionals struggle to fit us into their treatment plan? | I’m always struck by the absence of parents in the Camhs waiting room. My husband, who has always been a very hands-on dad, was told that it was almost unheard of to have a dad at an appointment. There are so many young people who do not have caring supportive adults in their life, but when they do, should we be shamed and blamed because the professionals struggle to fit us into their treatment plan? |
| After the first admittance, in crisis, Sally was properly assessed. I feel that the consultant psychologist on duty that weekend knew what a close call it had been. Sally was in their care and they had let her down. He took her on to his caseload, and Sally now had a clinician who took time to understand our family demographic, and who worked with us as a family to help her. I truly believe his approach has been a major factor in the success of Sally’s recovery. | After the first admittance, in crisis, Sally was properly assessed. I feel that the consultant psychologist on duty that weekend knew what a close call it had been. Sally was in their care and they had let her down. He took her on to his caseload, and Sally now had a clinician who took time to understand our family demographic, and who worked with us as a family to help her. I truly believe his approach has been a major factor in the success of Sally’s recovery. |
| I am thankful every day to Childline, the police, and the consultant psychologist for the parts they played in us still having our beautiful daughter alive, on the road to recovery, and thriving. She’s just started university. Mental health illness does not have to hold a young person back if they have the right support. | I am thankful every day to Childline, the police, and the consultant psychologist for the parts they played in us still having our beautiful daughter alive, on the road to recovery, and thriving. She’s just started university. Mental health illness does not have to hold a young person back if they have the right support. |
| From the disjointed commissioning of services through to the clunky when-is-a-17-year-old-actually-an-adult transition to adult mental health care, the Camhs system needs urgent attention. Utilising the police and untrained A&E staff is unfair on the children, and on those staff left desperately trying to make things better in a system that often does not support them to do so. | From the disjointed commissioning of services through to the clunky when-is-a-17-year-old-actually-an-adult transition to adult mental health care, the Camhs system needs urgent attention. Utilising the police and untrained A&E staff is unfair on the children, and on those staff left desperately trying to make things better in a system that often does not support them to do so. |
| I know too many parents who are not as lucky as us. How many deaths must there be before action is taken? | I know too many parents who are not as lucky as us. How many deaths must there be before action is taken? |
| *Name has been changed | *Name has been changed |
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