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| Version 1 | Version 2 |
|---|---|
| Court in an existential nightmare over Brexit | Court in an existential nightmare over Brexit |
| (35 minutes later) | |
| Four days is just a blink of an eye for lawyers used to charging by the minute. Left to their own devices, everyone at the supreme court would have been much happier dragging things out for a couple of years – finally reaching a decision on whether the government had the constitutional right to trigger Brexit long after Britain had left the EU. But needs must and there was a noticeable sense of disquiet – not to mention haste – as the proceedings entered their final day. | Four days is just a blink of an eye for lawyers used to charging by the minute. Left to their own devices, everyone at the supreme court would have been much happier dragging things out for a couple of years – finally reaching a decision on whether the government had the constitutional right to trigger Brexit long after Britain had left the EU. But needs must and there was a noticeable sense of disquiet – not to mention haste – as the proceedings entered their final day. |
| After some discussion about the semantic differences between “with regard to” and “relating to” and the epistemology of “imposing a clamp on a conduit pipe”, Richard Gordon, the barrister representing the Welsh assembly, declared that the whole case wasn’t nearly as complicated as everyone had been making out. | After some discussion about the semantic differences between “with regard to” and “relating to” and the epistemology of “imposing a clamp on a conduit pipe”, Richard Gordon, the barrister representing the Welsh assembly, declared that the whole case wasn’t nearly as complicated as everyone had been making out. |
| “A child of six could respect this point,” he said. | “A child of six could respect this point,” he said. |
| “Well put,” replied Lord Neuberger. | “Well put,” replied Lord Neuberger. |
| Obviously. Any fool must have realised that Kung Fu Panda 2 was a metaphor for constitutional law. | Obviously. Any fool must have realised that Kung Fu Panda 2 was a metaphor for constitutional law. |
| “I’ve just pulled up the constitution of Trinidad and Tobago which we’re all very familiar with,” announced Lady Hale, apropos of not very much. Perhaps she was working on a different case. Gordon wisely ignored her. | “I’ve just pulled up the constitution of Trinidad and Tobago which we’re all very familiar with,” announced Lady Hale, apropos of not very much. Perhaps she was working on a different case. Gordon wisely ignored her. |
| “It’s a statute that had died,” he continued. “It has fulfilled its purpose. You can’t revive a corpse by tearing up the death certificate.” | “It’s a statute that had died,” he continued. “It has fulfilled its purpose. You can’t revive a corpse by tearing up the death certificate.” |
| Not for the first time article 50 was in danger of turning into a Monty Python sketch. | Not for the first time article 50 was in danger of turning into a Monty Python sketch. |
| Next up was the impressive Helen Mountfield, acting for the People’s Challenge, who was heard out in almost silence. Not one of the 11 judges even raised an eyebrow when she compared the government’s case to the search for the Loch Ness monster. Either they were spellbound by her command of the law or were worried about getting to lunch in time. A bit of both probably. | Next up was the impressive Helen Mountfield, acting for the People’s Challenge, who was heard out in almost silence. Not one of the 11 judges even raised an eyebrow when she compared the government’s case to the search for the Loch Ness monster. Either they were spellbound by her command of the law or were worried about getting to lunch in time. A bit of both probably. |
| After a quick post-prandial quibble with Patrick Green, speaking on behalf of the expats, over whether a Trojan Horse could be found in section five or section six of the 2008 EU act, Lord Keen, the government’s Scottish QC, was allowed to make a surprise guest appearance for the appellants. | After a quick post-prandial quibble with Patrick Green, speaking on behalf of the expats, over whether a Trojan Horse could be found in section five or section six of the 2008 EU act, Lord Keen, the government’s Scottish QC, was allowed to make a surprise guest appearance for the appellants. |
| “If we are right or if we are wrong about the 1972 European Communities Act ...” he began. He hesitated, either for effect or because he had already lost his train of thought, before saying that he was right either way. Brilliant. He could be right, he could be wrong, but he would still basically be right. | “If we are right or if we are wrong about the 1972 European Communities Act ...” he began. He hesitated, either for effect or because he had already lost his train of thought, before saying that he was right either way. Brilliant. He could be right, he could be wrong, but he would still basically be right. |
| Last up was James Eadie, the QC with the short straw of restating the government’s case that had already been laughed out of the divisional courts. Eadie looked up at the clock with the eye of a condemned man. An hour. A whole hour to try to make the same points he had never really believed in when he’d opened the case on the previous Monday. In another world, he’d have just stood up and said: “I rest my case,” and dived for the exit. But now he had the eyes of the attorney general boring into his back. | Last up was James Eadie, the QC with the short straw of restating the government’s case that had already been laughed out of the divisional courts. Eadie looked up at the clock with the eye of a condemned man. An hour. A whole hour to try to make the same points he had never really believed in when he’d opened the case on the previous Monday. In another world, he’d have just stood up and said: “I rest my case,” and dived for the exit. But now he had the eyes of the attorney general boring into his back. |
| “We do not assert a power to repeal the Dangerous Dogs Act,” he gurned, trying to get things under way with a gag. Big mistake. Lord Pannick might have the easy charm to get away with making jokes about the Dangerous Dogs Act, but Eadie doesn’t. He’s just too awkward and within seconds he had several of the judges biting at his heels. What did he mean by that? Would he rather there was a Dangerous Dog Directive? Eadie turned puce and – presumably accidentally – implied that the Dangerous Dogs Act was a a far more important piece of legislation than the 1972 European Communities Act. | “We do not assert a power to repeal the Dangerous Dogs Act,” he gurned, trying to get things under way with a gag. Big mistake. Lord Pannick might have the easy charm to get away with making jokes about the Dangerous Dogs Act, but Eadie doesn’t. He’s just too awkward and within seconds he had several of the judges biting at his heels. What did he mean by that? Would he rather there was a Dangerous Dog Directive? Eadie turned puce and – presumably accidentally – implied that the Dangerous Dogs Act was a a far more important piece of legislation than the 1972 European Communities Act. |
| With that a bad afternoon began to turn worse and Eadie was left to the defence of last resort. Throw up as many distractions as possible in the hope that the judges wouldn’t quite remember what the case was actually about. It didn’t appear to be working as Lord Mance appeared to have already heard enough and was demob happy. | With that a bad afternoon began to turn worse and Eadie was left to the defence of last resort. Throw up as many distractions as possible in the hope that the judges wouldn’t quite remember what the case was actually about. It didn’t appear to be working as Lord Mance appeared to have already heard enough and was demob happy. |
| “You’re not thinking about withdrawal when you get married,” he said. | “You’re not thinking about withdrawal when you get married,” he said. |
| “Speak for yourself,” another judge chipped in. | “Speak for yourself,” another judge chipped in. |
| All of which was getting Eadie precisely nowhere and he soon found himself disagreeing with Lord Sumption on the issue of whether Britain had gone to war with Germany in 1939. That really might have been the only bit of the entire case a six year old could have followed. | All of which was getting Eadie precisely nowhere and he soon found himself disagreeing with Lord Sumption on the issue of whether Britain had gone to war with Germany in 1939. That really might have been the only bit of the entire case a six year old could have followed. |
| “You’re guessing,” teased Lord Carnwath, as Eadie disappeared up another cul-de-sac. | |
| “If it helps us, it helps us.” Desperate. | “If it helps us, it helps us.” Desperate. |
| With a final throw of the dice, Eadie made a last-ditch reference to the Brexit vote in the Commons the previous day, implying that everything was tickety-boo. | With a final throw of the dice, Eadie made a last-ditch reference to the Brexit vote in the Commons the previous day, implying that everything was tickety-boo. |
| Sumption swatted him away. “If the resolution had been enough for your purposes, then there would have been no need for this appeal.” | Sumption swatted him away. “If the resolution had been enough for your purposes, then there would have been no need for this appeal.” |
| The clock moved to just past four. Time up. Eadie’s existential nightmare was complete. | The clock moved to just past four. Time up. Eadie’s existential nightmare was complete. |