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| 'It could be any of these men': how we learned to take stalking seriously 'It could be any of these men': how we learned to take stalking seriously | |
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| About five years after the first emails arrived, the death threats started. When Sarah first began receiving messages from a man expressing a romantic interest, she shrugged them off. “I didn’t realise for some time that I had a stalker,” she says. They seemed confused and clumsy; strange, but nothing much to worry about. Later, when they became threatening – the man stalking her said he would attack her, or kill her – she went to the police. Even then, the police said it wasn’t very significant and not to worry about it. She was reassured at first, until she began to suspect that wasn’t the best advice. “I realised from the content of some of the messages that he was referring to real events in my life and that, according to him, we had met on one or two occasions. I don’t recall ever meeting him. I was alarmed – he wasn’t just a random person on the internet. Or he was, but he had taken a great deal of trouble to find out information about me. It was at that stage that I became really quite frightened that he might carry out one of these threats.” | About five years after the first emails arrived, the death threats started. When Sarah first began receiving messages from a man expressing a romantic interest, she shrugged them off. “I didn’t realise for some time that I had a stalker,” she says. They seemed confused and clumsy; strange, but nothing much to worry about. Later, when they became threatening – the man stalking her said he would attack her, or kill her – she went to the police. Even then, the police said it wasn’t very significant and not to worry about it. She was reassured at first, until she began to suspect that wasn’t the best advice. “I realised from the content of some of the messages that he was referring to real events in my life and that, according to him, we had met on one or two occasions. I don’t recall ever meeting him. I was alarmed – he wasn’t just a random person on the internet. Or he was, but he had taken a great deal of trouble to find out information about me. It was at that stage that I became really quite frightened that he might carry out one of these threats.” |
| She kept contacting the police, including making one statement at 4am “when I had received a number of threats and I couldn’t take it any more, and thought I would have to go and sleep at the police station”. Still nothing was done about it. “Eventually I found a very motivated police officer, who hadn’t had much training in this, but she made it her business to make something happen. With her support, I did eventually get somewhere, but I still had to do all of the preparation myself. I had started a long process of educating myself and educating the police. I had to learn everything myself.” The victim log she put together would detail how at one point she was receiving up to 10 emails a day. | She kept contacting the police, including making one statement at 4am “when I had received a number of threats and I couldn’t take it any more, and thought I would have to go and sleep at the police station”. Still nothing was done about it. “Eventually I found a very motivated police officer, who hadn’t had much training in this, but she made it her business to make something happen. With her support, I did eventually get somewhere, but I still had to do all of the preparation myself. I had started a long process of educating myself and educating the police. I had to learn everything myself.” The victim log she put together would detail how at one point she was receiving up to 10 emails a day. |
| Thinking back to when it started, Sarah says that if she had known more about stalking then, she would have gone to the police much earlier and pushed them to take it seriously. “I think it’s normal for people to think it doesn’t mean anything, or it will go away, but in my case it reached a point where it was unbearable. The earlier it can be stopped, the better.” | Thinking back to when it started, Sarah says that if she had known more about stalking then, she would have gone to the police much earlier and pushed them to take it seriously. “I think it’s normal for people to think it doesn’t mean anything, or it will go away, but in my case it reached a point where it was unbearable. The earlier it can be stopped, the better.” |
| This week, the home secretary, Amber Rudd, announced plans for new Stalking Protection Orders, which would hopefully address this, and at an early stage. It would allow courts to ban stalkers from contacting their victims, even if they hadn’t been charged or convicted. | This week, the home secretary, Amber Rudd, announced plans for new Stalking Protection Orders, which would hopefully address this, and at an early stage. It would allow courts to ban stalkers from contacting their victims, even if they hadn’t been charged or convicted. |
| It has largely been welcomed by anti-stalking campaigners. “Anything that is another tool to deal with a stalker is great news,” says Jane Harvey, campaigns director of Network for Surviving Stalking. “But we need to get some of the basic building blocks in place. It takes people a long time to recognise what’s happening to them as stalking, so there’s under-reporting, and then at an early stage of a case, things can go wrong – a police officer hasn’t had training in stalking and the case is dismissed, or another element, such as criminal damage, will be seized upon instead of seeing the wider picture.” | It has largely been welcomed by anti-stalking campaigners. “Anything that is another tool to deal with a stalker is great news,” says Jane Harvey, campaigns director of Network for Surviving Stalking. “But we need to get some of the basic building blocks in place. It takes people a long time to recognise what’s happening to them as stalking, so there’s under-reporting, and then at an early stage of a case, things can go wrong – a police officer hasn’t had training in stalking and the case is dismissed, or another element, such as criminal damage, will be seized upon instead of seeing the wider picture.” |
| Catherine Skinner, chief executive of the charity Paladin, says: “You still hear that [police officers and others in the criminal justice system] don’t see the risks; they don’t see how the behaviour of the perpetrator can not just psychologically affect the victim – we see issues of suicidal ideation from our clients. But also there could be threats to kill, a history of violence, and things that could put victims at high risk.” | Catherine Skinner, chief executive of the charity Paladin, says: “You still hear that [police officers and others in the criminal justice system] don’t see the risks; they don’t see how the behaviour of the perpetrator can not just psychologically affect the victim – we see issues of suicidal ideation from our clients. But also there could be threats to kill, a history of violence, and things that could put victims at high risk.” |
| Research by the Suzy Lamplugh Trust has found that one in five women and one in 12 men will experience stalking. There have been several high-profile cases recently – a man was jailed in September for stalking the broadcaster Emily Maitlis for 25 years; in June, a man who stalked the singer Lily Allen for seven years, breaking into her house and entering her bedroom, was detained indefinitely under the Mental Health Act. | Research by the Suzy Lamplugh Trust has found that one in five women and one in 12 men will experience stalking. There have been several high-profile cases recently – a man was jailed in September for stalking the broadcaster Emily Maitlis for 25 years; in June, a man who stalked the singer Lily Allen for seven years, breaking into her house and entering her bedroom, was detained indefinitely under the Mental Health Act. |
| It is largely an unreported crime. The Suzy Lamplugh Trust estimates that in England and Wales, more than 1.1 million people are stalked each year, but police recorded 4,156 stalking crimes in the year to June, and just 1,102 cases were prosecuted. The proposed new protection orders are “a good thing,” says Victoria Charleston, policy and campaigns officer of the trust. “Where we are cautious is if the police are responsible for applying for these orders. If they’re not recognising stalking at the moment, are we clear that they are going to think about using them? We hope that there will be further training for police.” | It is largely an unreported crime. The Suzy Lamplugh Trust estimates that in England and Wales, more than 1.1 million people are stalked each year, but police recorded 4,156 stalking crimes in the year to June, and just 1,102 cases were prosecuted. The proposed new protection orders are “a good thing,” says Victoria Charleston, policy and campaigns officer of the trust. “Where we are cautious is if the police are responsible for applying for these orders. If they’re not recognising stalking at the moment, are we clear that they are going to think about using them? We hope that there will be further training for police.” |
| It’s not a typical crime, Charleston says. “It’s a pattern of behaviour. It can be very small to begin with, before it escalates.” It is also a fairly new area for many health and criminal justice professionals. “It wasn’t really recognised until the 1980s, and the current anti-stalking legislation didn’t come in until 2012 [in England and Wales],” she adds. In October, Alex Chalk launched a private members’ bill to increase the maximum sentencing of five years. One of his constituents, Dr Eleanor Aston, a GP, had been targeted for seven years by a man who continued to stalk her even after serving a prison sentence for it. | It’s not a typical crime, Charleston says. “It’s a pattern of behaviour. It can be very small to begin with, before it escalates.” It is also a fairly new area for many health and criminal justice professionals. “It wasn’t really recognised until the 1980s, and the current anti-stalking legislation didn’t come in until 2012 [in England and Wales],” she adds. In October, Alex Chalk launched a private members’ bill to increase the maximum sentencing of five years. One of his constituents, Dr Eleanor Aston, a GP, had been targeted for seven years by a man who continued to stalk her even after serving a prison sentence for it. |
| Ruth, who lives in north Wales with her partner and daughter, has experienced stalking by a neighbour for the past five years. He would watch from his doorstep every time she left the house or came home. After about six months, when Ruth was returning to work after maternity leave, he would follow her to work in his car. Around six months after that, he started following her partner as well. “On the days when he didn’t, it still made me nervous because I didn’t know where he was,” she says. “I didn’t know if he would turn up somewhere else.” The police have been repeatedly involved, but Ruth feels there has been little support. “I’ve had anxiety and panic attacks. It’s caused a lot of stress between me and my partner. I feel awful for my daughter, who has had to grow up with visits from the police, and us watching over our shoulders.” | Ruth, who lives in north Wales with her partner and daughter, has experienced stalking by a neighbour for the past five years. He would watch from his doorstep every time she left the house or came home. After about six months, when Ruth was returning to work after maternity leave, he would follow her to work in his car. Around six months after that, he started following her partner as well. “On the days when he didn’t, it still made me nervous because I didn’t know where he was,” she says. “I didn’t know if he would turn up somewhere else.” The police have been repeatedly involved, but Ruth feels there has been little support. “I’ve had anxiety and panic attacks. It’s caused a lot of stress between me and my partner. I feel awful for my daughter, who has had to grow up with visits from the police, and us watching over our shoulders.” |
| This year, research by the Suzy Lamplugh Trust found that 36% of stalking cases included online behaviours. For Emily, the man who stalked her was not someone she had met, but someone who became fixated on her and her family online. He found out her family’s email addresses and bombarded them with emails about her. “We reported it to the police and they said: ‘Just keep an eye on it and see what happens.’” He went quiet for a while, then started up again, trying to follow their various social media accounts. Shortly after this, he turned up at her parents’ house and tried to get in; he was arrested, and is awaiting sentencing. “It has been absolutely horrific,” Emily says. “I didn’t feel safe anywhere. I still check under my bed, in my cupboard. I spent £1,500 getting new locks put on my house. On the street, I don’t make eye contact with men. You lose all sense of faith in people.” | This year, research by the Suzy Lamplugh Trust found that 36% of stalking cases included online behaviours. For Emily, the man who stalked her was not someone she had met, but someone who became fixated on her and her family online. He found out her family’s email addresses and bombarded them with emails about her. “We reported it to the police and they said: ‘Just keep an eye on it and see what happens.’” He went quiet for a while, then started up again, trying to follow their various social media accounts. Shortly after this, he turned up at her parents’ house and tried to get in; he was arrested, and is awaiting sentencing. “It has been absolutely horrific,” Emily says. “I didn’t feel safe anywhere. I still check under my bed, in my cupboard. I spent £1,500 getting new locks put on my house. On the street, I don’t make eye contact with men. You lose all sense of faith in people.” |
| Something similar happened to Beth, an actor and writer, who was stalked for several months in 2014 by a man who followed her on Twitter. She noticed him “liking” or replying to every tweet she wrote, and he would write about her on his own account. Eventually she blocked him and complained to Twitter several times. “But he would often delete his tweets, so Twitter would say they weren’t violent or harmful, and they couldn’t do anything about them. It was often a robotic reply. It wasn’t like they’d actually researched it and checked out what was going on. They did nothing.” | Something similar happened to Beth, an actor and writer, who was stalked for several months in 2014 by a man who followed her on Twitter. She noticed him “liking” or replying to every tweet she wrote, and he would write about her on his own account. Eventually she blocked him and complained to Twitter several times. “But he would often delete his tweets, so Twitter would say they weren’t violent or harmful, and they couldn’t do anything about them. It was often a robotic reply. It wasn’t like they’d actually researched it and checked out what was going on. They did nothing.” |
| He started contacting her friends, and a few months later, he turned up on her doorstep. “It was horrific. When I started getting a bit worried about it, I used to picture in my head what I would do if I saw him. You think of the worst-case scenario, so when he turned up I wasn’t expecting it – but I also sort of was.” She screamed, slammed the door and called the police. When they arrived, they found him still sitting on her doorstep, tweeting about her. Later, looking at his account, she saw that the man – who lived several hundred miles away – had spent the week walking around her area, looking in pubs and cafes for her. | He started contacting her friends, and a few months later, he turned up on her doorstep. “It was horrific. When I started getting a bit worried about it, I used to picture in my head what I would do if I saw him. You think of the worst-case scenario, so when he turned up I wasn’t expecting it – but I also sort of was.” She screamed, slammed the door and called the police. When they arrived, they found him still sitting on her doorstep, tweeting about her. Later, looking at his account, she saw that the man – who lived several hundred miles away – had spent the week walking around her area, looking in pubs and cafes for her. |
| Amy has been stalked by a man for the last four years – an acquaintance from several years ago who developed a fixation with her. “It has gone from unwanted text messages and phone calls to hand-delivered letters and gifts,” she says. “They are all of a very strange nature. He’s delusional and has mentioned God having a plan for us to be together.” The first couple of times she went to the police about it, they talked her out of making a complaint, saying they would just have a word with the man. Later, he was charged with harassment without violence (rather than stalking), and after it went to court, he was given a restraining order, which he ignored. Even though he had breached the order, she says the police were dismissive of her – it was only after she got in touch with the National Stalking Helpline, who contacted the police on her behalf, that they followed it up. “Before, they would say things like ‘chances are you won’t hear from him again’. But it was obvious I would.” | Amy has been stalked by a man for the last four years – an acquaintance from several years ago who developed a fixation with her. “It has gone from unwanted text messages and phone calls to hand-delivered letters and gifts,” she says. “They are all of a very strange nature. He’s delusional and has mentioned God having a plan for us to be together.” The first couple of times she went to the police about it, they talked her out of making a complaint, saying they would just have a word with the man. Later, he was charged with harassment without violence (rather than stalking), and after it went to court, he was given a restraining order, which he ignored. Even though he had breached the order, she says the police were dismissive of her – it was only after she got in touch with the National Stalking Helpline, who contacted the police on her behalf, that they followed it up. “Before, they would say things like ‘chances are you won’t hear from him again’. But it was obvious I would.” |
| The experience has had a huge effect on her life. In the summer, she says she was staying at home all day with the curtains closed because she was worried he would walk past the window and see her. “As soon as I walk in the door, I check for any letters. I feel really tense. Every time he is punished with a restraining order or community service hours, I don’t completely relax because the pattern is that it will start again at some point. The thing I would really like is for the mental health aspect to be recognised, because I think that is the root cause of the problem with him. People say [we should] make the stalking laws stricter, but it seems a shame to put someone into prison when it could be dealt with as a mental health issue. I would feel more reassured if he was being treated than if he was just going into prison and coming out again.” | The experience has had a huge effect on her life. In the summer, she says she was staying at home all day with the curtains closed because she was worried he would walk past the window and see her. “As soon as I walk in the door, I check for any letters. I feel really tense. Every time he is punished with a restraining order or community service hours, I don’t completely relax because the pattern is that it will start again at some point. The thing I would really like is for the mental health aspect to be recognised, because I think that is the root cause of the problem with him. People say [we should] make the stalking laws stricter, but it seems a shame to put someone into prison when it could be dealt with as a mental health issue. I would feel more reassured if he was being treated than if he was just going into prison and coming out again.” |
| Frank Farnham, consultant forensic psychiatrist at Barnet, Enfield and Haringey Mental Health NHS Trust, and a specialist in stalking behaviours, also favours treatment over custodial sentences for many offenders – not least because it is more likely to reduce reoffending, and is far cheaper. But one of the problems with the new stalking prevention order model, he says, is that requiring mental health treatment as part of the order might be too optimistic – if the offender doesn’t give consent, it can only be done under the Mental Health Act. But he does like the idea of requiring assessments. Stalking behaviours can look similar, but the motivations can be very different. | Frank Farnham, consultant forensic psychiatrist at Barnet, Enfield and Haringey Mental Health NHS Trust, and a specialist in stalking behaviours, also favours treatment over custodial sentences for many offenders – not least because it is more likely to reduce reoffending, and is far cheaper. But one of the problems with the new stalking prevention order model, he says, is that requiring mental health treatment as part of the order might be too optimistic – if the offender doesn’t give consent, it can only be done under the Mental Health Act. But he does like the idea of requiring assessments. Stalking behaviours can look similar, but the motivations can be very different. |
| It is widely accepted there are five categories of stalker. The largest – thought to be somewhere between a third and a half – is the “rejected” stalker: someone, usually a man, upset by the end of a relationship who harasses his ex-partner. “That group are not usually mentally ill, but they might have personality problems – they can be quite grandiose, narcissistic. If you take that group away, there are very high rates of mental illness in [the other] groups.” | It is widely accepted there are five categories of stalker. The largest – thought to be somewhere between a third and a half – is the “rejected” stalker: someone, usually a man, upset by the end of a relationship who harasses his ex-partner. “That group are not usually mentally ill, but they might have personality problems – they can be quite grandiose, narcissistic. If you take that group away, there are very high rates of mental illness in [the other] groups.” |
| Intimacy seekers are “deluded” people who believe they are in a relationship with their victim, or could be. “The problem with that group is that if you believe you are on a mission from God, or convinced you’re destined to be [together], simply imposing an order isn’t going to stop you from doing it.” A third group – “incompetent suitors” – are not deluded but their behaviour may be due to a learning disability, and they don’t realise it is frightening or inappropriate. The “resentful” stalker is someone who harasses a person they believe is to blame for something that has happened to them – it is not uncommon for MPs, councillors and GPs to be stalked like this. “Some of those people are mentally ill – their paranoia is so severe that they are deluded. But underpinning all of this is a process where [there should be a] good assessment, to spot the people who are mentally ill and give them treatment.” (A fifth group, mercifully small, are “predatory” stalkers, whose victims are unaware they are being stalked; the stalking can be a prelude to a sexual attack.) | Intimacy seekers are “deluded” people who believe they are in a relationship with their victim, or could be. “The problem with that group is that if you believe you are on a mission from God, or convinced you’re destined to be [together], simply imposing an order isn’t going to stop you from doing it.” A third group – “incompetent suitors” – are not deluded but their behaviour may be due to a learning disability, and they don’t realise it is frightening or inappropriate. The “resentful” stalker is someone who harasses a person they believe is to blame for something that has happened to them – it is not uncommon for MPs, councillors and GPs to be stalked like this. “Some of those people are mentally ill – their paranoia is so severe that they are deluded. But underpinning all of this is a process where [there should be a] good assessment, to spot the people who are mentally ill and give them treatment.” (A fifth group, mercifully small, are “predatory” stalkers, whose victims are unaware they are being stalked; the stalking can be a prelude to a sexual attack.) |
| “Even if you do identify someone who is unwell, with the current state of mental health services, how do you get them into treatment?” asks Farnham, who used to treat people convicted of stalking until his funding was cut. He, along with the Suzy Lamplugh Trust and others, are trying to get a pilot programme going with the police service to look at intervention treatment – to treat stalking behaviour before it becomes dangerously entrenched – but they are yet to receive funding. | “Even if you do identify someone who is unwell, with the current state of mental health services, how do you get them into treatment?” asks Farnham, who used to treat people convicted of stalking until his funding was cut. He, along with the Suzy Lamplugh Trust and others, are trying to get a pilot programme going with the police service to look at intervention treatment – to treat stalking behaviour before it becomes dangerously entrenched – but they are yet to receive funding. |
| For the victims who have to endure stalking for years, the effects are profound. Sarah’s relationship with her partner broke down because of the stress it caused them; he felt worried about her, but also worried for his own safety. “There were times when [the man who was stalking her] would say he was going to come and kill me. Part of my rational brain said, ‘Well, he hasn’t up until now,’ but the other part thought: ‘Where do I go? To the police station? Where is he and what does he know? Should I move?’ It makes you hypervigilant. I would leave the gym, look around and think: ‘I just don’t know who it is. It could be any of those men.’ In my career I should probably be using the internet a lot more to publicise the work I do, and I don’t do that. I used to be a very sociable person but I entirely stopped socialising at one point.” | For the victims who have to endure stalking for years, the effects are profound. Sarah’s relationship with her partner broke down because of the stress it caused them; he felt worried about her, but also worried for his own safety. “There were times when [the man who was stalking her] would say he was going to come and kill me. Part of my rational brain said, ‘Well, he hasn’t up until now,’ but the other part thought: ‘Where do I go? To the police station? Where is he and what does he know? Should I move?’ It makes you hypervigilant. I would leave the gym, look around and think: ‘I just don’t know who it is. It could be any of those men.’ In my career I should probably be using the internet a lot more to publicise the work I do, and I don’t do that. I used to be a very sociable person but I entirely stopped socialising at one point.” |
| The man who has stalked her for 10 years eventually pleaded guilty and is awaiting sentencing. She isn’t wholly optimistic that her ordeal is over. “The truth is you never know.” | The man who has stalked her for 10 years eventually pleaded guilty and is awaiting sentencing. She isn’t wholly optimistic that her ordeal is over. “The truth is you never know.” |