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| Brevity is the soul of wit, Mr Davies, so put a sock in it | |
| (about 7 hours later) | |
| Has Philip Davies appointed himself as the unofficial filibusterer-in-chief of Westminster? The anti-feminist MP for Shipley recently sprang to his feet and droned for over an hour in a blatant (unsuccessful) attempt to derail a bill, put forward by the SNP’s Eilidh Whiteford, with cross-party support, which sought to ratify the Istanbul convention, protecting women from domestic violence. | Has Philip Davies appointed himself as the unofficial filibusterer-in-chief of Westminster? The anti-feminist MP for Shipley recently sprang to his feet and droned for over an hour in a blatant (unsuccessful) attempt to derail a bill, put forward by the SNP’s Eilidh Whiteford, with cross-party support, which sought to ratify the Istanbul convention, protecting women from domestic violence. |
| Davies said that he couldn’t agree with the bill because it was sexist for failing to mention that violence also happened to men. Let’s all take a moment to reflect that the time spent reading that last sentence is the same as Davies could have spent making his point, give or take a few minutes for tie adjustment, chest puffing, hair patting, throat clearing and other mannerisms that could perhaps help make pompous and rather tragic figures feel desperately important. | Davies said that he couldn’t agree with the bill because it was sexist for failing to mention that violence also happened to men. Let’s all take a moment to reflect that the time spent reading that last sentence is the same as Davies could have spent making his point, give or take a few minutes for tie adjustment, chest puffing, hair patting, throat clearing and other mannerisms that could perhaps help make pompous and rather tragic figures feel desperately important. |
| I just timed my sentence, doubled it, then did it again, this time speaking really slowly, and it still came in at under a minute. By contrast, Davies spoke for 78 minutes and his attempt to filibuster was only thwarted by the next MP, Labour’s Thangam Debbonaire, pausing briefly to remark on Davies’s efforts (“That’s 78 minutes of my life that I believe I’ll never get back”), and then cutting short her own comments, to ensure that the deadline wasn’t missed. | I just timed my sentence, doubled it, then did it again, this time speaking really slowly, and it still came in at under a minute. By contrast, Davies spoke for 78 minutes and his attempt to filibuster was only thwarted by the next MP, Labour’s Thangam Debbonaire, pausing briefly to remark on Davies’s efforts (“That’s 78 minutes of my life that I believe I’ll never get back”), and then cutting short her own comments, to ensure that the deadline wasn’t missed. |
| Given his previous grumbling about feminists and what he perceives as unwarranted political correctness, the fact that Davies was elected to the equalities committee should perhaps be read as some kind of surreal move to prove that parliament has a sense of humour. Certainly, in the case of the Istanbul bill, the point must be made that, while adult female victims of domestic violence overwhelmingly outnumber males, this vote was merely about approving the bill in principle, with the proviso that certain elements would have to be adjusted. Therefore, there was no real need to oppose the bill on the grounds that it didn’t specifically mention male victims, as this could be rectified at later stages. | Given his previous grumbling about feminists and what he perceives as unwarranted political correctness, the fact that Davies was elected to the equalities committee should perhaps be read as some kind of surreal move to prove that parliament has a sense of humour. Certainly, in the case of the Istanbul bill, the point must be made that, while adult female victims of domestic violence overwhelmingly outnumber males, this vote was merely about approving the bill in principle, with the proviso that certain elements would have to be adjusted. Therefore, there was no real need to oppose the bill on the grounds that it didn’t specifically mention male victims, as this could be rectified at later stages. |
| Davies, a parliamentary professional, surely would have known this, just as he’d have known that it was farcical and unhelpful to rant through myriad other points during his 78-minute marathon, including the observation that people who accused him of somehow wanting women to suffer domestic violence were “Twitter morons”, likening domestic violence to street crime. | Davies, a parliamentary professional, surely would have known this, just as he’d have known that it was farcical and unhelpful to rant through myriad other points during his 78-minute marathon, including the observation that people who accused him of somehow wanting women to suffer domestic violence were “Twitter morons”, likening domestic violence to street crime. |
| He also noted (in response to the famous statistic about two women dying a week) that “men had funerals, too”, and (when politely asked to stop), declared that nobody else could be “trusted” to say what he had to say. | He also noted (in response to the famous statistic about two women dying a week) that “men had funerals, too”, and (when politely asked to stop), declared that nobody else could be “trusted” to say what he had to say. |
| If so, this untrustworthiness must be endemic, as Davies has filibuster-form. Previous bills he’s endeavoured to talk into oblivion include those on free hospital car parking for carers (90 minutes, along with a further two hours from two other Tory MPs); making homes fit for human habitation (Davies, a landlord himself, was very chatty about how this would “burden” landlords); first aid training for children in schools (Davies was upset about this for more than an hour); reversing the progress of NHS privatisation (Davies didn’t want this discussed, no sirree!); and a much-hijacked bill on the deportation of foreigners (Davies and four other Tory backbenchers collectively chuntered for four and a half hours to stop this being further discussed). | If so, this untrustworthiness must be endemic, as Davies has filibuster-form. Previous bills he’s endeavoured to talk into oblivion include those on free hospital car parking for carers (90 minutes, along with a further two hours from two other Tory MPs); making homes fit for human habitation (Davies, a landlord himself, was very chatty about how this would “burden” landlords); first aid training for children in schools (Davies was upset about this for more than an hour); reversing the progress of NHS privatisation (Davies didn’t want this discussed, no sirree!); and a much-hijacked bill on the deportation of foreigners (Davies and four other Tory backbenchers collectively chuntered for four and a half hours to stop this being further discussed). |
| Unless he wants to end up with a reputation, maybe even a cruel nickname (The Fili-blusterer?), Davies should consider changing his ways. No one is arguing that he should bite his tongue in the Commons or that he’s the only one who filibusters, but he seems to have made it a signature move in a bullying, bratty way that ultimately debases his position of privilege and power. | Unless he wants to end up with a reputation, maybe even a cruel nickname (The Fili-blusterer?), Davies should consider changing his ways. No one is arguing that he should bite his tongue in the Commons or that he’s the only one who filibusters, but he seems to have made it a signature move in a bullying, bratty way that ultimately debases his position of privilege and power. |
| Perhaps next time, Davies disagrees with something, he could do parliament and everyone else a favour by standing up, making his point well and succinctly, then sitting down and shutting up. | Perhaps next time, Davies disagrees with something, he could do parliament and everyone else a favour by standing up, making his point well and succinctly, then sitting down and shutting up. |
| Actions speak louder than words as Sheen exits stage left | Actions speak louder than words as Sheen exits stage left |
| Michael Sheen, who’s in the new science fiction film, Passengers, plans to scale down acting “for the time being”, to concentrate on political activism, in the form of opposing demagogues and fascists. He said: “In the same way as the Nazis had to be stopped in Germany in the 1930s, this thing that is on the rise has to be stopped.” | Michael Sheen, who’s in the new science fiction film, Passengers, plans to scale down acting “for the time being”, to concentrate on political activism, in the form of opposing demagogues and fascists. He said: “In the same way as the Nazis had to be stopped in Germany in the 1930s, this thing that is on the rise has to be stopped.” |
| Insert snarky comments here. (Instead of playing politicians such as Tony Blair, Sheen wants to become one?) Then again, maybe not. Earnestly spouting actors often get mocked, quite rightly when they exhibit all the political acumen and commitment of a tea-stained panto script. | Insert snarky comments here. (Instead of playing politicians such as Tony Blair, Sheen wants to become one?) Then again, maybe not. Earnestly spouting actors often get mocked, quite rightly when they exhibit all the political acumen and commitment of a tea-stained panto script. |
| However, this isn’t such a departure for Sheen. Last year, he made a speech defending free healthcare, quoting the Aneurin Bevan line: “There is never an excuse not to speak up for what you think is right.” Sheen is moving back to Port Talbot in Wales to begin grassroots organising. And while he thinks he can “do a good speech”, far from seeming intoxicated by the sound of his own voice, he seems resigned that a “jackboots” backlash against him is imminent, saying: “It will be a big change for how people relate to me.” | However, this isn’t such a departure for Sheen. Last year, he made a speech defending free healthcare, quoting the Aneurin Bevan line: “There is never an excuse not to speak up for what you think is right.” Sheen is moving back to Port Talbot in Wales to begin grassroots organising. And while he thinks he can “do a good speech”, far from seeming intoxicated by the sound of his own voice, he seems resigned that a “jackboots” backlash against him is imminent, saying: “It will be a big change for how people relate to me.” |
| So, good luck, Michael Sheen. This year has been exhausting and I for one am not in any mood to snipe at someone trying to do the right thing. Yes, this is a bit like some turbo-powered life imitating art deal, but it’s also pretty cool. | So, good luck, Michael Sheen. This year has been exhausting and I for one am not in any mood to snipe at someone trying to do the right thing. Yes, this is a bit like some turbo-powered life imitating art deal, but it’s also pretty cool. |
| I foresee a few hiccups with self-service drinking in bars | I foresee a few hiccups with self-service drinking in bars |
| A proposed move from a quick pint to a quicker pint may not be all good news. There is to be a festive trial of an unmanned, contactless Pay@Pump, enabling customers to serve themselves. Introduced by Barclaycard, it’s to stop people queueing at bars while other customers selfishly order ridiculous, overcomplicated cocktails or huge rounds for everyone in the world. You know who you are. | A proposed move from a quick pint to a quicker pint may not be all good news. There is to be a festive trial of an unmanned, contactless Pay@Pump, enabling customers to serve themselves. Introduced by Barclaycard, it’s to stop people queueing at bars while other customers selfishly order ridiculous, overcomplicated cocktails or huge rounds for everyone in the world. You know who you are. |
| I envisage a few problems. Presumably the pump would only administer a pint at a time or someone could just stand there, sucking up the beer with a straw (I’ve known people who’d do this. Fine, I may once have been “people who’d do this”). Ironically, the novelty of Pay@Pump could result in large queues forming and the bar staff left idle. | I envisage a few problems. Presumably the pump would only administer a pint at a time or someone could just stand there, sucking up the beer with a straw (I’ve known people who’d do this. Fine, I may once have been “people who’d do this”). Ironically, the novelty of Pay@Pump could result in large queues forming and the bar staff left idle. |
| Moreover, Pay@Pump would not know people’s ages (at supermarket self-service tills, a staff member has to confirm you’re over 18) or discern whether you’re too drunk to be served. | Moreover, Pay@Pump would not know people’s ages (at supermarket self-service tills, a staff member has to confirm you’re over 18) or discern whether you’re too drunk to be served. |
| Then there are the wider implications of contactless technology progressively rendering people incapable, to the point where one day the human race will become extinct due to universal gormlessness: “Me need food and drink. But me too stupid to remember how to use hands or where mouth is. Me die very soon.” Actually, if this takes off, it could result in the loss of bar work for real (mainly young) people and it won’t stop there. | Then there are the wider implications of contactless technology progressively rendering people incapable, to the point where one day the human race will become extinct due to universal gormlessness: “Me need food and drink. But me too stupid to remember how to use hands or where mouth is. Me die very soon.” Actually, if this takes off, it could result in the loss of bar work for real (mainly young) people and it won’t stop there. |
| Thus, what’s already high street retail reality could also start making its way to coffee shops and bars, culminating in the entire world turning into a giant, soulless vending machine. | Thus, what’s already high street retail reality could also start making its way to coffee shops and bars, culminating in the entire world turning into a giant, soulless vending machine. |
| Believe me, I’ve stood, thirsty and seething in enough bar scrums to see why someone thought that Pay@Pump would be a good idea, but in so many ways it could be a really bad idea, too. | Believe me, I’ve stood, thirsty and seething in enough bar scrums to see why someone thought that Pay@Pump would be a good idea, but in so many ways it could be a really bad idea, too. |